


The Wrong I've Done

by tracecode



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Comfort/Angst, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Pregnancy, Romance, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-01
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-02-27 16:10:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 65,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2699189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tracecode/pseuds/tracecode
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She was in danger because of him and even though he knew it wasn't safe, for just one night his self control slipped. Now the consequences were rearing their heads. At the same time, someone decided to come looking for Felicity, and he'll stop at nothing to find her, no matter who or what gets in the way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Notes

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This idea came to me in the summer after the Season 2 finale and I couldn't get it out of my head so I decided to finally start writing it.  
> This story is a sort of Alternate Reality set a few weeks after the Season 3 premier. For the purposes of this story Sara Lance is still alive, but everything else from the premier is the same. I may loosely tie in some events from Season 3, but for the most part this story takes a completely different path from the show after the premier.  
> I hope you enjoy and please leave comments or feedback, it definitely means a lot! Also feel free to follow me on Tumblr at kobayashimarubikscube, thanks!

 

Oliver couldn’t remember much about the mission. It was supposed to have been simple. They’d had intel that a known drug lord was running his operation out of an abandoned warehouse in the Glades. The plan was simple, go in, break up the operation and be home in time for dinner. Easy.

Except something went terribly, terribly wrong.

Oliver remembered walking into the empty warehouse and feeling a sense of dread creep up his spine and claw into his gut. The same sensation that kept him alive for years on the island was rearing its head again. He remembered noticing the bleak emptiness of the room before he realized, too late, that they’d been fed false information. He remembered the note on the floor, addressed to him.

About her.

He remembered the heat hitting the side of his face when the bomb went off. Something deep and desperate and primal took over his body then and he had no time to take anything in, to make any memories, to process what was happening.

His only thought was to keep Felicity safe.

She was in a van parked just outside the building, feeding him information through his comm link. Only now the line was dead, replaced by a heart wrenching static noise that deafened his ears.

He remembered being aware that the few people outside the building were hurt and screaming for help. He remembered knowing that he should try to save them. He remembered not caring when he rushed past them to find Felicity, where he found her unconscious and covered in blood.

Her own blood.

He had no idea how he got back to the Foundry, but he imagined Diggle or Roy must have helped him at some point. His whole world was closing in and he felt darkness tickling the edges of his vision. Panic rose in his chest when they laid her out on the med table, her light blue dress soaked in her own blood.

Oh God, she was never supposed to be here. Not her, not like this.

He was useless to do anything as Diggle pushed him out of the way to begin working on Felicity. He was vaguely aware of Roy speaking but his mind was too numb to process what he was saying.

It was Roy’s hand on his arm that snapped him back to reality.

“Hey! Look at me! What the hell happened in there?”

Oliver’s mind went blank. He remembered the note. The words were addressed to him, but they were about her. He remembered the blast had come from his right, just outside the building. He remembered the way Felicity’s scream was cut off when the comm links died. But what he remembered most vividly was finding her lying unconscious in a pile of ash and twisted metal and thinking she was dead. He’d never felt such a rush of relief as he did when he found her pulse. In that moment, all of the air rushed back into his lungs and it was as if he’d suddenly remembered how to breathe again.

Finally he spoke.

“There was a bomb” He hadn’t expected his voice to be so raw and he sounded lost and broken, even to his own ears.

"A bomb..." Roy repeated slowly, as if unable to understand what that meant "Why the hell would someone set off a bomb in the middle of--"

"I don't know" Oliver pushed past the younger man to get a better look at Felicity and immediately regretted it. She was still lying on the table in her blood soaked dress and Oliver noticed the sharp contrast between the pale blue of the fabric and the red staining her face like a warning. "But it had something to do with Felicity. This wasn’t an accident, I'm sure of it."

“How can you be sure?”

Oliver handed him the now crumpled note from his pocket “This was waiting for me when I got inside.” Oliver turned his attention back to Felicity, he watched Diggle begin to clean the cut on her head, wiping away dirt and blood and God knows what else from her skin.

Oliver was hit with another wave of panic and guilt that filled his chest so painfully he couldn’t catch his breath. It shouldn't be her; it should be him lying unconscious on the table. No matter what he did, no matter how many lives he saved or people he helped it didn't matter, because she was still here. She still got hurt. It wasn't fair, it wasn't right. It was wrong, all of it was wrong. She should be smiling and laughing telling them they did a good job with the mission. She should be heading home to her apartment. She should be safe and happy and at home.

 

She shouldn't be bleeding on the med table. 

 

She was never supposed to be like this. 

 

It was so much blood.

 

It was too much blood.

 

Oh God. 

 

It was too much blood.

 

Oliver panicked and rushed over to Diggle who had just finished cleaning her wound. 

"She's lost too much blood Diggle, we have to do something now or her heart is going to stop." The panicked sound in his voice was unfamiliar to Oliver. He was always calm and collected even in the face of death, but this? This was worse, this was too much. He regretted not immediately hooking Felicity up to the heart monitor machine. His fingers fumbled for her wrist as Diggle began yelling to Roy to grab blood for Felicity. For a terrifying moment he couldn't find her pulse. Then, suddenly, he felt it. It was faint and slow, but it was there. Her heartbeat was real under his fingers. 

 

She was here, she was real and she was still alive. 

 

The next few hours were a chaotic blur and all Oliver was really aware of was the subtle rise and fall of Felicity's chest and the feel of her pulse under his hand. 

 

Oliver sat next to her with his head bowed cursing himself. He let this happen, he let his guard down.

He remembered the crisp white note waiting for him on the floor of the warehouse. The words were seared into his brain:

_Your love will be the death of her_

His mind flashed back to their date, only weeks before. Where just for a moment he thought he could have a normal life. For a singular moment he believed that he had a chance at happiness and Felicity got hurt because of it. Felicity had spent hours lying broken and bloody on the med table because Oliver was careless. He gave into his desires, his weakness, and Felicity was hurt because of him.

Now here he was again, with his fingers on her weakened pulse, praying to a deity he wasn’t sure he believed in anymore that she would just _live_.

 

He focused on counting her heartbeats, that is, until her eyelids fluttered ever so slightly. 

 

 >>\-------->  

 

The first thing Felicity remembered was the fact that the world was spinning. The entire world around her was spinning and it was uncomfortable and fast and she just wanted it to stop and slow down. She tried to open her eyes and found that her eyelids were heavy as if they’d been weighed down with lead. The continuous spinning was making her feel dizzy and panic began to rise in her chest. She focused all her energy on opening her eyes and when she did she was half blinded by the florescent light above her.

 

She sat up with a gasp and tried to get her bearings, she was disoriented and scared. She found herself calling out to Oliver before she’d even realized she’d spoken. Her voice was hoarse and raw and she couldn’t tell if it was from the smoke or the screaming.

 

She’d been knocked out of her seat when the bomb went off. When it did she’d collapsed into a pile on the ground and called out to Oliver through the smoke. She heard the sounds of people screaming around her, screaming and dying. Then something struck the back of her head and everything went black.

 

_Oh God is Oliver even alive? Did he make it out? Did he survive the blast? What if—_

Felicity’s thoughts were cut off by Oliver’s hands suddenly on her arms holding her steady.

“Hey, hey.  It’s okay, it’s okay, you’re safe.” He reassured “Hey, Felicity look at me, you’re safe now I swear.” She finally turned wide eyes on him and drank in his appearance. His words sunk in as she began to realize where she was. She was in the foundry and she was alive with Oliver’s rough hands gripping her arms like she’d fall to pieces if he let her go. His face was haunted and pale and filled with concern. There was a cut along his brow that she was certain had been left unattended, but the sight of him alive and whole sent a flood of relief through her body.

“You’re okay” She breathed out “I wasn’t sure what happened to you. The last thing I remember is the explosion going off and...” A thought occurred to her “Oh God is Digg okay? And Roy, are they alright? What happened—”

Oliver cut her off before she could make herself panic. “They’re alright, they’re both fine. I sent them home to get some rest, which is the same thing I’m going to do with you. As soon as you feel like you can stand I’ll take you home.” His hand moved from its death grip on her arm to gently cup her face. “How do you feel?”

Felicity took a moment to assess the damage that had been done to her body. She had no broken bones, or permanent damage and it didn’t look like any of the cuts needed stitches. There was a slight ringing in her ears and more of her felt cut up and bruised than didn’t, but ultimately she was alright.

“I’ll be okay” She told him “I think I just need some rest and a hot shower” She paused while moving herself off of the med table “Not necessarily in that order.”

She was so focused on getting herself back to her feet that she didn’t notice the slight tick at the corner of Oliver’s mouth. Or the way his face fell the moment he realized he’d been smiling at all.

“Come on” He said while cupping her elbow with his large hand “Let’s get you home.”

The drive to Felicity’s apartment was mostly silent. The quiet air was only punctured once when Felicity asked if Oliver knew who set off the explosion. He told her he didn’t know who did it, but that he was determined to find out. He never mentioned the note.

Felicity’s street was lit with a yellow glow from streetlights so bright that shadows seemed to run and hide behind the buildings. Oliver pulled up to her apartment and watched from the car as she disappeared behind the front door.

He couldn’t bring himself to drive away and remained parked outside of her building for longer than necessary. _Your love will be the death of her_. The words in the note were echoes of ones he’d told himself over and over again like a prayer for the last few weeks. Ever since the night in the hospital he needed to remind himself every minute of every day that he gave her up for a reason. He let go of her in order to keep her safe, in order to keep the city safe. It wasn’t a choice he wanted to make, but it was one that he had to. Knowing that loving her could be the death of her was enough to make him let her go. But who the hell left that note for him and how did they know how he felt about Felicity?

The questions were beginning to pile up and he didn’t like where they were leading. He didn’t like that Felicity was clearly going to be involved in whatever was just beginning and he didn’t like that it felt like he couldn’t protect her from it.

Oliver pulled the note out of his pocket and stared down at his own name handwritten across the top. _Oliver Queen_. His jaw clenched tightly and he sighed in frustration before he shoved the paper back into his pocket. He drove away more frustrated and angry than when he pulled onto her street.

That night he fell into bed and dreamed that Felicity died over and over again. Every time he was too slow to save her and every time he watched as she cried out to him before the light left her eyes. He watched on horrible repeat as she was ripped apart by the explosion over and over again until he woke up with her name on his lips.

He wouldn’t be getting any sleep tonight.

He spent much of the night analyzing the note and trying to figure out who sent him this warning. Though, after hours of effort he still had no more answers than he’d had when he started. He sighed in frustration, Felicity was the genius and if anyone could solve this it was her, but Oliver just had to find the right time to tell her about the note. He decided that for now, his time was best spent pushing his body as far as it could go in the hopes that maybe the exhaustion would afford him some much needed rest. 

His plan worked, if only somewhat, and he fell into a fitful, but dreamless sleep just before dawn.

>>\-------->

It wasn’t until a few days later that Oliver got the chance to tell Felicity the whole truth about what he found at the warehouse. It was her first night back at the foundry since she’d been hurt and she spent most of the time making sure her systems were still up-to-date and intact. She’d gone to the doctor a few days before and had been given pain meds and antibiotics just to be safe. Still, Oliver didn’t want her doing anything too dangerous until he was sure she’d healed completely. However, it was a slow night and Diggle had already gone home early to see Lyla and their still yet to be named baby girl.

Oliver had spent most of the night training Roy, but when the younger man missed his target for the third time in a row Oliver asked him what was wrong.

“It’s nothing, I’m fine.” Roy replied rubbing his brow “I’m just…I don’t know…tired, I guess”

Oliver told him to go home and get some rest and, to his surprise, Roy agreed without much hesitation.

Soon, it was just the two of them left in the empty room and Oliver knew it was now or never.

“Felicity” He said, his voice dropping slightly. She ‘Hmm’d’ in response and swiveled around in her chair looking at him with wide blue eyes.

“What is it?”

He couldn’t explain his nerves. He’d faced death countless times, but telling Felicity she got hurt because he was in love with her? It set his nerves on edge in a way that the barrel of a gun never had.

“I need you to analyze something. Something I found at the warehouse.” He reached into a drawer and pulled out the heavily creased note.

She took the note from him and carefully unfolded it, her blue eyes growing wider as she read the words.

“Oliver” The word came out in a rush of air “Why didn’t you tell me about this before?” She was looking at him now with determination in her eyes. She held the note in her brightly painted hands but kept her eyes planted firmly on him. He was too ashamed to tell her that he kept the note a secret because he was scared for her.

“It doesn’t matter” was his curt reply “Whoever left this note is the same person who caused the explosion. They clearly have a message to send and I want to find them before they hurt anyone else.”

She rose out of her seat, “Does Diggle know about this, or Roy?”

“Yes”

Her suspicions now confirmed Felicity found herself growing more frustrated with Oliver “Then why am I just finding out about this now? I could have done handwriting analysis or tested the paper. I could have been searching for this person for the last three days!”

“Because I didn’t want you to find out about this!” Oliver shouted back “Because I wanted to find a way to keep you out of all of this. You were targeted because of me and I wanted to find a way to keep you safe. But despite everything I’ve done, despite the fact that we’re not together someone still targeted you because of me” He paused “Because of how I feel about you.”

Felicity moved closer to him, her anger had dissipated and turned into something else.

“Oliver, don’t you see? Pushing me away wasn’t the answer. It’s still not the answer. We’re stronger together, we can fight this _together_.”

Oliver shook his head and backed away from her “Felicity…this life that I lead” he said softly, as if lowering his voice would make the words hurt less “it only ends one way for me” His eyes flicked to the med table for just a moment before returning to her. “The only thing I can do is make sure it doesn’t end that way for you too.”

The words hit Felicity like a solid blow and she reeled back. She let them sink into her soul and chill her bones forcing her to wrap her arms around herself. She looked at Oliver’s dejected face, but she refused to accept the meaning of his words. She refused to believe in any sort of truth behind them because it was too terrible to imagine. It felt like giving up. It felt like _he_ was giving up. It was nothing but a slow suicide dressed like a heroic downfall. She felt a fire growing in her belly as her sadness was replaced with anger and frustration.

“So that’s it?” She asked while moving toward him “You’re just going to give up?”

He looked like he wanted to respond. His mouth opened slightly and his eyes flared for a moment, but instead of a reply he said nothing. Instead of acknowledging her words he simply moved past her toward the glass case.

But Felicity wasn’t deterred, she just kept speaking “What are you going to do, Oliver, spend the rest of your life down here waiting to die? If your plan is to spend your life down in this dark cave, then why did you even leave the island in the first place? Why come home and try to save the city? Why try to be a hero at all if the whole point was to end up lying on the med table like a—”

“Felicity”

One word, ripped from his throat like it clawed its way out and she went silent. He moved toward her silent and steady and his eyes were a mixture of anger, frustration and pain.

“You know better than anyone that this” he motioned to the foundry “Roy, Diggle…You. It was never part of my plan. I never meant for any of this, I never meant for any of you.”

Ice settled in her stomach “What are you saying Oliver?”

“I’m saying that my original plan was just that, to right my father’s wrongs and die doing it. I never wanted to live. But then” He ran a hand roughly through his hair and looked down at her. He was close enough now that he could smell the faint floral scent of her perfume and feel the heat of her body near him. He wasn’t aware of moving so close to her, but suddenly she was filling his senses and his mind was going numb. “Then I met you and you made me feel human and whole and for the first time in five years I wanted to live, not just survive.” He backed away and the haze in his mind cleared slightly, but not enough “But then you got hurt because I couldn’t balance being both me and the Arrow. The thought of losing you Felicity, it’s unthinkable. That night at the warehouse, when the explosion went off, I let people die to try and save you. I didn’t even hesitate. I will _always_ choose you first Felicity and that is dangerous. It’s dangerous for me, you and everyone around us because it will never be a choice and that means innocent people will get hurt.”

Felicity backed away when he mentioned the explosion. The blood drained from her face when he told her that people died because he needed to save her. Her face was pale and her voice shook when she spoke “I thought those people died in the explosion.”

Oliver’s face was grim “They died because of the explosion. Because I couldn’t save them. Because there was nothing more important to me than making sure you were alive. Their blood is on my hands.”

Felicity wasn’t sure what to make of this new information. She thought that the explosion had killed four civilians. She now felt a mixture of shock and numbness sliding up her spine and sinking into her stomach like a brick. Oliver could have saved those people; he would have saved those people if it weren’t for her. He chose her life over theirs.

She moved forward and looked up at him through long, dark lashes. “Thank you. I know that choice must not have been easy—”

Oliver groaned her name in frustration before grabbing her face in his hands in a desperate kiss. It wasn’t gentle like their first kiss, instead this was hot and rough and desperate. He sucked Felicity’s lower lip into his mouth and bit down, making her moan into him. Felicity had only just moved her body against his when he suddenly pulled away. His breath was uneven and his eyes were dark when he spoke “Don’t you get it? It wasn’t a choice; it’ll never be a choice. Not with you.”

Something broke within him then. The fragile wall of self-restraint he’d built to keep her safe came crashing down and he pulled her close once more. Theirs mouths came crashing together in a hot and desperate attempt to find their way back to one another. This kiss felt like fighting, though whether he was fighting for or against her, Oliver wasn’t sure. It felt primal, like the first breath in your lungs when you thought for sure you would drown. It was a kiss driven by the kind of desperate need Oliver hadn’t felt in years, hadn’t known he could feel anymore at all.

When she moaned into his mouth the last brick in his wall came crumbling down.

He bent down and gripped her thighs as he pulled her body up around him. She wrapped her legs around his waist and settled against his body. Her tight skirt rose higher up her thighs and Oliver wasted no time exploring the newly exposed skin with his hand. His fingers felt like fire on her skin and the circular sensation sent shockwaves of pleasure up Felicity’s spine. Oliver pressed her up against a pillar and the cool metal beam sent a shock through her body that made her gasp in surprise. Oliver used the opportunity to explore her mouth with his tongue, making her gasp for entirely different reasons.

Something in her mind went off, warning her to stop this now before it went too far. She knew this could never end well. Oliver had been pushing her away for a reason and whatever it was it wasn’t going to go away soon. However, Oliver’s mouth had just moved from her lips to trail along her neck and suddenly the warning in her mind didn’t seem so important anymore. He was kissing her like he wanted to possess her whole and destroy her until there was nothing left but a pile of smoldering ash. And her whole body was on fire with every kiss sending a shockwave of pleasure straight into her core. This was a different Oliver, this was a desperate and hungry Oliver that she’d never seen before, but _damn it_ if he didn’t make her feel amazing.

His lips found hers again as the hand on her thigh moved up to cup her face. His tongue moved to slide along hers and _damn_ he tasted good. He pulled away from her slightly and Felicity knew that this moment right here would define everything.

“Felicity” Her name came broken from his mouth and he looked so raw and undone as he stared into her eyes.

In that moment she made a decision, she leaned forward so that her lips were pressed to the shell of his ear “Don’t stop”.

A deep rumble came from this chest and his lips crashed back into hers with more force than before. Suddenly, his hands were everywhere, on her thighs, in her hair, unzipping the back of her dress. She felt the cool air of the foundry hit her overheated flesh as he pulled her away from the pillar and moved her toward the bed.  

He laid her gently down on the bed while at the same time sliding the dress off her body leaving her in nothing but her underwear. He sat back for a moment and took in the sight of her stretched out on the bed with a slight flush creeping up her chest. The image drove him mad and there was something about her that broke down his self-control like no one had before. He quickly moved back over her, covering her small body with his own. His kissed her once, swift and hard, before moving down her neck and along her collar bone. She arched her back and cried out softly when he found a particularly sensitive spot on her neck. He moved his lips down and used his tongue to trace the swell of her breasts above the line of her bra. Without warning he bit down on her breast through the pink fabric of her bra, tearing his own name from her throat.

“Oliver!” Her breath was coming in fast pants now and she was so desperate for him. A small smile crossed his lips as he took in her state. He reached behind her and deftly unhooked her bra with one hand and pulled it off her body with the other. His mouth instantly latched onto her breast as he rolled her already throbbing nipple around with his tongue. He kissed across her chest and sucked the other nipple into the warm cavern of his mouth before biting down lightly causing her to make a high pitched keening sound that surprised even her. Her hips unconsciously rocked into his where she could feel the evidence of his desire pressed against her thigh. He reached for her then and traced his finger along the inside of her thigh, so close to where she wanted him, where she _needed_ him.

He moved the fabric of her panties out of the way and slipped one long finger inside of her and _God she was wet_. The knowledge that it was for him, that he’d done that to her sent a thrill through his body he hadn’t felt since he was young. He curled his finger inward. She cried out and sat up.

“Oliver, please” She begged, sounding desperate even to her own ears. She reached forward and tugged the shirt over his head, exposing that familiar chest once again. There wasn’t time to explore, or time to trace along the scars she’d come to know so well the way she always imagined she would. Something within her desperately called out for him and she knew she wouldn’t last much longer without feeling him inside of her. Before she could do it herself, he reached for the waistband of his pants and tugged them down along with his boxer briefs in one quick motion.

Fully exposed now, he moved himself back over her and planted a kiss on her lips.

“Felicity” He said against her mouth “I want this, but…I…I don’t have a—”

She cut him off with a kiss “It’s okay, I’m covered.” She reassured “Please Oliver, I need you.”

A deep guttural sound emerged from his throat before he planted a searing kiss on her lips. His hands moved down her body and found the fabric of her panties. In one swift motion he tore the thin fabric from her body and lined himself at her entrance. He looked at her once more for reassurance, because he was holding back with his last shred of control and he needed to know that she wanted this too. She looked into his nearly black eyes and nodded, just once, but that was all he needed.

He pushed into her then, filling her more than she knew possible. They moaned in unison at the sensation and his head dropped to her chest for a moment. She took the time to adjust to the feeling of him stretching her, it might have been painful, had she been less aroused.

He lifted his head up to look at her, his breathing uneven “You okay?” He asked.

She couldn’t reply, couldn’t find any words within herself to express what she was feeling right then. Instead she simply nodded and pulled him up so she could plant a firm kiss on his mouth. He pulled back then and thrust into her hard causing her to cry out as pain melted into pleasure. It didn’t take them long to establish a rhythm and she soon felt that familiar fluttering in her stomach. She was so close and Oliver seemed to know it too, because he reached down between them and began to stroke her with his fingers as he continued to move inside of her.

Her orgasm hit her hard and washed over her in waves as she called out his name like a prayer. Her breathy cries rang off the walls of the foundry and bounced back into her ears. Oliver followed her soon after, her name a muffled cry against her neck as he erupted inside of her. His hips slowed and stilled as his lips moved softly over hers. They stayed like that for a few minutes, Oliver still inside of her and planting soft, gentle kisses on her mouth and along her jaw.

Eventually, he pulled out of her and rolled over onto his back pulled her along with him so that her head rested on his chest.

“Oliver” She began, knowing that something needed to be said.

“Shh…” He said, fingers stroking through her soft hair, “Later, I promise.” She felt his lips press into the top of her head “Sleep”.

To her surprise, she did just that. Almost immediately she fell into a deep sleep curled against Oliver’s solid form.

What she didn’t expect was to wake up in an empty bed, alone in the foundry, with a note on the pillow next to her.

She recognized Oliver’s handwriting immediately:

_Felicity,_

_Tonight was amazing, but you deserve more than I can give you. I’m sorry._

_-Oliver_

Felicity looked down at note and took a few long, slow, deep breaths to try and steady herself. She felt shaky and unstable and she could feel tears stinging her eyes even as she dropped her head and clutched the note in her hands. A sort of ache was building in her chest and it wasn’t fair because she knew this would happen. She knew he wouldn’t stay with her and she knew there wasn’t going to be another outcome.

 But damn it, if this didn’t feel like rejection anyway.

The aching in her chest turned to loneliness as she slowly collected her things from around the Foundry. There was something particularly humiliating about stuffing the torn panties into her bag before slipping out the back door of Verdant. She felt like one of the women in the club sneaking out after a drunken mistake for their morning walk-of-shame. Only, this was different, because what happened tonight was far from a drunken mistake, it was hot, desperate, and intimate, if not equally heartbreaking.

Felicity drove all the way home in silence, the words in his note playing over and over again in her mind.


	2. The Conversation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the amazing response to the first chapter! I'm so grateful for the kind comments, they really mean a lot to me. I'd hoped to be able to post a slightly longer chapter today, but it's been a busy week and unfortunately it's only going to get busier for a little while. Please know that I'm doing the absolute best that I can and I'll be updating as quickly as possible. Thanks everyone, and please enjoy!

Oliver sat next to Felicity for almost an hour after she fell asleep. He couldn’t help but stare down at her peaceful form and notice the way her blonde curls fanned about her head. His mind began to imagine what it would be like to wake up next to her in the morning and see the sunlight glinting off her hair as she woke slowly next to him. What would it be like to feel her soft body curled against him as he fell asleep each night? He found himself smiling at the images his brain conjured up, but just as quickly as he saw images of a life with Felicity he saw images of her lying broken and bloody in the basement of Verdant. The familiar ache in his chest returned because he knew that a life with her could never become a reality. There was no way he could be what she needed and still remain the Arrow. It wasn’t safe for her that way. She deserved everything he had to give her and more and right now what he had to offer simply wasn’t enough.

He thought about saying all of this to her. He thought about what he would say to her when she woke, but nothing seemed good enough. No matter what he came up with it didn’t seem right and the gravity of the situation began to sink in. Suddenly, the reality of what they’d done…what _he’d_ done crashed into him like a wave and he couldn’t stay in that bed a moment longer. He’d betrayed himself; he crossed the one line he promised he never would, and now the reality of that choice was lying next to him, asleep. _Tell me you never loved me._ The only thing she’d ever asked him for was a clean break; he should tell her that all this was a one time mistake and that it meant nothing, but just the thought of saying those words sent a stabbing pain through his heart. The truth was that this night couldn’t have been further from just ‘nothing’, because finally being with her meant everything to him. God, he couldn’t face her. Running out on her was wrong and it was cruel, but in the end his coward heart wrote her the note anyway.

He refused to look back as he walked out the door.

>>\-------->

Felicity thought that perhaps this is what poets meant when they talked about heartbreak; the incredibly dull ache that sneaks into your gut and slides like smoke through your veins and into your heart. It left her feeling hollow and numb. She’d made the drive home silently replaying the night over and over again in her mind, but it did nothing to alleviate the ache in her chest. It felt a lot like poking a bruise over and over again just to see if it’ll hurt; hoping each time for a different outcome when there never will be one. It was useless and painful, but she couldn’t stop herself from doing it no matter what she tried.

Felicity walked into the apartment and tossed her bag absently on the couch before heading into the bathroom. The light turquoise and orange color scheme normally felt cheery to her, but today the bright walls felt practically condescending in their liveliness. The brightly lit apartment existed in sharp contrast with the dark swirling chaos inside her brain. Felicity took off her glasses and pinched the bridge of her nose; she was getting a headache all of this wasn’t a helpful train of thought to go down _._ Instead, she walked across the bathroom and turned on the hot water as high as it would go. She tried to avoid looking at herself as she got undressed, but the wide mirror made that practically impossible.

It was noticing the hickey on her neck that made her break down. More specifically, it was seeing the hickey on her neck and remembering the way it felt when Oliver left it there that caused her to slide down the bathroom counter and curl into herself. It had been so good, _so_ good. Everything about last night was honest and intense and held such a promise of what might have been—

And then she woke up to the note.

Seeing the empty space in the bed, the same space where his body had been, replace by a single piece of paper crushed her. It felt like betrayal, though in her heart she knew it wasn’t. Betrayal might have been easier than this, this ambiguous purgatory he kept her in filled with maybes and someday’s. 

Felicity knew he was afraid, and this was his form of running away and as much as he’d hurt her she could understand why he did what he did. Almost everyone Oliver loved had been taken from him and after watching that happen over and over again how could he not believe his love was the cause? However, just because she understood where he was coming from did not mean she agreed with his thoughts. Oliver deserved forgiveness and she knew that deep within him was a man fully deserving of all the compassion he gave to the people around him. So why couldn’t he see the same in himself? Why could he only see himself as a broken shell of a man, completely undeserving of love? If the last three years taught Felicity anything, it’s that nothing could be further from the truth. Oliver Queen had an almost incomprehensible ability to love and forgive and to think that he expected nothing in return, believed he deserved nothing in return, broke Felicity’s heart _._

Felicity picked herself up off the bathroom floor and moved to stand under the now scalding water. This was good, she thought, it felt cleansing. And right now…right now Felicity needed to be cleansed.

>>\-------->

Felicity had expected that the first time she saw Oliver after... after would have been weird.  Instead, he acted as though nothing had happened between them and treated her exactly the same way he’d always done. For a brief moment Felicity considered that maybe everything had been an incredibly vivid dream, but no, no it was real and it happened. There was no taking it back.

Still, how could Oliver be so normal about everything? Felicity found herself wondering if he even felt anything about what happened between them; he certainly didn’t show any emotion. It seemed when Oliver wanted to hide his feelings there was no breaking through the mask. So, they spent over a week dancing around each other and avoiding any kind of discussion about what they’d done. Felicity even thought they were doing a pretty good job of acting like nothing was wrong between them, that is, until Diggle confronted her in the foundry one night while Oliver and Roy were on patrol.

“Felicity, this has to stop” He said from behind her. Felicity spun around in her chair, confused.

“What? Why? The scan’s not even halfway—”

“Not that” He clarified “I mean you and Oliver. Whatever happened between the two of you, whatever caused this rift, you need to fix it.”

Felicity spun her chair back around to face the monitors. She thought about denying everything, but this was Digg. He knew, he always knew.

“That’s up to Oliver”

Diggle’s sigh said it all. “Listen Felicity, you and I both know that Oliver isn’t the smartest guy in the world when it comes to emotions.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that Oliver doesn’t want what he thinks he does.”

“He made it very clear what he wants.”

“I’m sure he did” Diggle replied “But did you ever stop to consider that what he wants and what he needs are two different things?”

Felicity didn’t respond this time.

“Oliver wants to be with you, but more than that he wants to keep you safe and he thinks the best way to do that is to keep you at arm’s length. By doing that he forgets just how important you are to him and to this team. He needs you Felicity, we all do. Just please…keep that in mind.”

Diggle said nothing more, just walked away and left Felicity alone with her thoughts.

She stared absently at the screen in front of her and let Diggle’s words work their way through her mind. He was right; she needed to talk to Oliver and sort everything out.

>>\-------->

“Did you and Blondie screw or something?”

It was far from the response Oliver expected when he asked what Roy thought about calling it a night.

“Excuse me?” He asked, turning on his partner.

Roy took an immediate step back “I just mean…something’s off with the two of you, and not the usual off that you guys have been since your date, this is _off,_ off.”

Oliver said nothing; he simply gave Roy a hard look that he hoped would end the conversation, but it didn’t work.

“If something happened between the two of you, you need to talk about it. This whole pretending everything is okay when it’s clearly not—”

“And what about you, Roy?” Oliver cut him off.

“What?”

Oliver turned on him then, “You’ve been acting strange for weeks. You’ve been tense and distracted and your focus has been all over the place.” He moved in now so that he towered over Roy “So I’m going to ask you one more time, what is going on?”

And just like that the walls were back up. Roy’s entire body tensed and he muttered ‘it’s nothing’ once more before he turned his back and walked away from Oliver.

Oliver stood there for a moment and watched his partner walk away from him. He was angry, but he was angry with himself for turning on Roy like that. Roy was clearly going through something and pushing him like that, especially as a deflection, was the wrong approach. How could he expect honesty from someone he wasn’t honest with himself?

“Yes” Oliver spoke; Roy turned around, confusion plain on his face. “Yes, I slept with Felicity. You were right.”

Roy walked back toward Oliver “I knew it. So is that why things have been so weird between you guys lately?”

Oliver sighed before he spoke “Yes. What happened that night meant…something” His fist clenched tightly at his side “But it doesn’t matter because we can’t be together and it was a mistake; one that ended up hurting her and I don’t know how to forgive myself for that.”

Roy looked at Oliver for a long moment before a smile ticked the corner of his kips “You’re an idiot”. Roy turned and walked away. "You should talk to her" He called over his shoulder. 

>>\-------->

The next night Felicity waited in the foundry, after Diggle and Roy left, for Oliver to come back. She paced around back and forth thinking through every possible version of this conversation, but it wasn’t making her feel any better. What did he want? How did he feel? For that matter, how did _she_ feel? What about—

The foundry door opened. Felicity’s heart jumped into her throat as she turned toward the stairs.

“We need to talk”

Oliver’s boot had barely reached the last step when Felicity’s voice rang through the air.

“We can’t keep doing this, Oliver. We can’t keep pretending there’s nothing going on between us, that nothing’s wrong, that—”

“You’re right”

Felicity was surprised; she thought she’d need to force him to sit down and have this conversation. Instead, he sat down in a nearby chair and faced her. “Let’s talk.”

Suddenly, Felicity was even more nervous. She’d had this conversation in her head about a thousand times already, but this one was real and it counted. Of all the things she wanted to say to him and all the things she wanted to ask, only one thing came out of her mouth.

“Why”

The word hit Oliver like a physical blow, because it was the one question he couldn’t answer. God, she looked so scared. He could handle anger, he could handle hate, but seeing Felicity so hurt and vulnerable, it killed him. Could he really tell her the truth? Would she even accept it or would she fight him on it? She believed that deep down there was a goodness and a light inside him where Oliver only saw a monster hungry for blood. He’d done things he couldn’t come back from and he’d long ago accepted that. The only question for him now was, would he use that darkness to keep the people he loved safe or let it overpower anything good left within him?

He knew what his answer was and he knew what it meant for him…and Felicity.

“I left because it wouldn’t have been fair for me to stay.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means that night meant different things to us and if I stayed it would have made it into something more meaningful than it was.”

Watching the realization dawn on her face was physically painfully to Oliver. Agony settled into his gut like an old friend, but if there was one thing he’d learned to endure it was pain.

Felicity backed away from him as tears began to well in her eyes. “Oliver, why are you saying these things?”

“Because it’s the truth.”

She shook her head “No, no I don’t believe it. You can’t go from what you said that night to…to this.”

Oliver sighed “I’m sorry for hurting you Felicity, and if you believe anything, please believe that.”

Tears rolled down her cheeks now and she shook her head more forcefully. “No, I can’t do this anymore. You tell me you love me then push me away, and then you sleep with me and now, what? You’re saying it meant nothing?”

Oliver opened his mouth to reply but was cut off before he could speak.

“It doesn’t matter because I’m done, Oliver. I’m done playing this game and I’m not going to wait around for you anymore.”

She wiped the tears off her cheek as she pushed past him and out of the foundry.

Oliver watched her go. He hated himself in that moment because he’d finally given her what she’d asked for, a clean break.


	3. Fathers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, thank you again for all the kind comments! They really mean a lot to me, so I just wanted to thank everyone who left a comment or a kudo, because it really makes my day to see it. Secondly, thank you for being patient with updates! Between school and the holidays finding time to write has been tough, so I appreciate that people are willing to wait while I do the best I can. I really hope you enjoy this chapter and I'll keep trying to update as quickly as I can. Thanks everyone!

It had been seven days since she'd had the conversation with Oliver. Seven days of keeping boundaries and staying professional. Seven days of awkward moments and painful distance. She'd hoped that time would heal the ache in her chest, but it grew worse each day. She woke up on the evening of the seventh day and rolled over to stare out the window. The team had been up the entire previous night and she’d slept through most of the day; she’d been more tired than usual this past week, no doubt a result of her emotional state. She stared at the sunset and watched the sun fall behind an encroaching mass of dark clouds, it would be raining soon.

She didn’t want this. It was the only coherent thing that came out of the chaos in her mind; over and over again it rang like truth in her ears. She didn’t want this and he did. He was the one who pushed her away and told her in no uncertain terms that he couldn’t, or wouldn’t, be with her. It seemed that pain had taken up permanent residence in her chest and buried its way into her soul and she couldn’t fix it. A part of her was broken and bruised and the last person she imagined would have caused it did. He hurt her, plain and simple.

The next step was to move on and forge a new life that wasn’t about Oliver Queen; except she had no idea where to begin. What she _did_ know what that she was hungry and she _really_ wanted a Big Belly Burger.

The rain began halfway through her drive to the club. When she sat down at her desk in the foundry with the paper bag in hand Roy made a face.

Felicity pursed her lips “What”

Roy looked like a deer caught in headlights “Nothing…it’s just uh…isn’t that like your fourth Big Belly Burger this week?”

Felicity took a breath “Yes, and…?”

“It’s only Wednesday”

Before she could get a chance to respond, the foundry door opened and soon Oliver and Diggle’s familiar footsteps rang on the metal stairs.

Oliver didn’t miss the way her body stiffened or that she refused to turn around when he descend the stairs. She’d been cold this past week, well as cold as Felicity could be. Their interactions were professional at best and nonexistent the rest of the time.

He hated this, he hated every minute of it. The way she looked at him made his blood run cold because there was so much hurt and anger behind her eyes where there’d never been any before. He knew that he was the cause and he wished there had been another way, but if hurting her kept her safe then he wouldn’t regret it for a single moment. He’d been selfish and weak the night he slept with her and this pain was his penance.

He walked past her desk into the foundry and caught a glimpse of the fern in the corner of his eye. He was struck with the memory of seeing it for the first time, it was so _Felicity_. She was like a living ray of sunshine that brightened up every—

He pinched the bridge of his nose. These were _exactly_ the thoughts he didn’t need right now. Everything inside of him felt like a tightly drawn thread that was slowly beginning to fray. He removed his jacket; the rain had soaked through the fabric and into his clothes, and draped it over a chair to dry.Roy moved across the room to stand before Oliver.

“We training tonight?”

When Oliver nodded Roy moved to pick up his bow. However, Oliver stopped him with a single word.

“No” He moved quickly and tossed escrima stick in Roy’s direction. “I think we could both use a distraction tonight.” He said softly.

Roy caught the sticks easily and nodded. Oliver might not know what was going on in his mind, but he’d known pain and guilt enough to recognize it in others. When Roy was ready he would talk and Oliver would listen. But for now, they’d fight.

The familiar _clang_ of the rods was almost comforting, Felicity thought, it was all almost normal. It was almost okay, except that it wasn’t. Everything couldn’t be further from okay.

She’d been analyzing the note and other evidence from the explosion at the warehouse for days now and come up with nothing. Whoever set off the explosion was good, there was nothing left behind that they didn’t want found. She found herself growing more and more hopeless by the minute.

“Any luck?” Diggle’s voice came from over her shoulder.

She let out a long and frustrated sigh “No, there’s nothing. Dig, whoever did this was good. And I mean _professional_ good. There’s no trace of anything, not on the bomb, not at the warehouse, not on the note.” She removed her glasses and pinched the bridge of her nose “I don’t think I can solve this one.”

“You’ll figure it out.” He reassured.

Felicity wasn’t so confident. “What if I don’t? What if I can’t put the pieces together and someone else gets hurt because of it? What if whoever did this comes back and—”

“Felicity” Diggle cut her off “We’re going to find whoever did this, I promise. In the meantime, Oliver isn’t going to let anything happen to you. You know that right?”

Felicity was taken aback by his statement. She didn’t respond because she didn’t know how.

Diggle turned to face her fully “Hey, whatever is happening with you and Oliver there’s nothing he wouldn’t do to keep you safe. He’d die before he let anything happen to you.”

This time Diggle didn’t wait for a response, he just gave her a small smile and walked away.

Felicity let out a breath and allowed herself one glance in Oliver’s direction. She watched him fight Roy and was captivated by the grace with which he moved; he was pure strength and agility. He was large and built like an Adonis, but he moved with the speed and grace of a panther stalking its prey.

Suddenly, his eyes flicked to hers as if her gaze were a solid force he could feel.

But one moment was all Roy needed. He struck at Oliver and landed his first blow. Oliver let out a grunt and turned back to face his partner, frustration clear on his face.

“You’ve really let yourself go Ollie, getting beat up by a kid.”

Sara’s voice rang through the foundry and Felicity nearly jumped out of her seat, knocking her fries over in the process. Sara appeared out of the shadows and cast an apologetic look Felicity’s way before her eyes moved around the room and settled on Oliver. His usual stoic expression was replaced with one of shock.

“Hi” She said moving forward into the light “You look surprised to see me.” The familiar sly smile spread across her face.

Oliver wasn’t sure how to respond because surprise was just one of the emotions he felt. Of course he was happy to see her; it’d been nearly half a year since they last spoke, but a cold ice settled into his gut, because nothing good could bring Sara here, not now.

“What are you doing here?” There was too much at stake for pleasantries.

Sara seemed to understand, because her face grew serious and she nodded once before speaking. “I’m not here for you” She said. Her eyes dipped down to the floor for a moment before they flicked back to Oliver “I’m here for her”

She turned her head and looked in Felicity’s direction.

Felicity’s eyes grew wide “Me?”

Sara nodded “I came to warn you. I know why you’re being attacked and I know who’s behind it.”

Oliver’s feet propelled him forward on pure instinct until he was standing over Sara, imposing in his height “Who is it?”

Sara wasn’t afraid. It seemed to Felicity that fear was something that had been ripped out of this woman a long time ago. She stood her ground and turned her head to look at Felicity.

“Maybe we should talk in private.”

Felicity thought about agreeing before she looked at Oliver’s face, he was practically vibrating with desperation to know the truth. In that moment she realized she wanted him to know, she wanted her team with her when she found out whatever Sara came to tell.

“No, it’s ok. They can stay. Whatever it is you came for, they’ve already been brought into it.”

Sara nodded in understanding; she’d spent enough time with this team to know how it worked.

She moved forward and took a seat facing Felicity. A loud crack of thunder roared through the foundry and settled in Felicity’s bones. The air was tight with tension and anxious energy.

Sara spoke.

“The person who attacked you was Ra’s Al Ghul.”

“What?” Felicity breathed.

At the same time, Oliver moved forward as if the very name were a threat. Fury rolled across his face before he managed to school his features.

Felicity shook her head in disbelief “Why would Ra’s Al Ghul want me dead?”

Sara’s eyes were sympathetic. Felicity noticed that Sara nervously wrung her hands in her lap, something she’d had never seen the other woman do and it made her heart beat faster.

“Sara, why does he want me dead?” Her voice only slightly betrayed the fear she felt.

“He doesn’t. He doesn’t want you dead. What happened at the warehouse was only a warning.” She turned to Oliver “A warning for you to stay away from her.”

Oliver stood, brows furrowed, with his arms crossed over his chest “Why?”

Oliver didn’t like this. His gut told him that there was something big coming, something he might not be prepared to fight and it scared him because where Felicity was involved, there wasn’t any room for errors.  

Sara turned back to Felicity “Felicity, there’s something you need to know.”

Nothing good could come from this. Felicity’s stomach dropped and she fought the urge to run out of the foundry because only heartache could follow those words.

“About thirty years ago Ra’s Al Ghul left the League of Assassins for a short while and no one knows exactly what he did during that time, but there are rumors. I’ve heard all sorts of rumors during my time with the League; so many that I didn’t give any of them any real credit. That is, until now.” Sara paused and shifted in her seat “During his time away, Ra’s Al Ghul met a young woman and…and together they had a child. A daughter. Ra’s left when the child was still young and returned to the League—”

“Oh my God” Felicity’s hand flew to her mouth as she put the pieces together; tears sprung to her eyes and she shook her head “No, no, no you can’t be right. You’re wrong, my father he was—”

“I’m sorry Felicity” Sara said softly “But, it’s the truth.” She leaned forward and took Felicity’s hand “Ra’s Al Ghul is your father.”

Felicity was certain that the floor had dropped out from underneath her and the room began to spin. Suddenly, she felt cold and scared as her mind raced from thought to thought.

“Why now?” Oliver spoke up “Why come for her now, after all this time?”

“After we defeated Slade’s army, Nyssa and I returned to the League. We told him everything, Slade, the Mirakuru, the team…but most of it he knew already. However, he grew interested when we talked about Felicity. He made us tell him everything we could about you. I think he had an idea who you really were then, but it wasn’t until a few weeks ago that he told Nyssa about his plans.”

“And those would be?” Diggle spoke for the first time.

“To make Felicity join the League of Assassins.”

Felicity felt sick to her stomach.

It was that simple…of course it was. Memories of her childhood came flooding back, images, words spoken, tears shed. It was too much and it was the last straw. Felicity shook her head once before she pushed out of her seat and raced out of the foundry as fast as her legs would move. She didn’t know where she was running; she only knew it wasn’t here.

Oliver immediately moved to follow her, but stopped when Diggle’s hand grasped his arm.

“Don’t, she needs to sort through this herself first.”

Oliver wanted to protest, but he knew Diggle was right. With the current state of their relationship Oliver figured he was last person she’d want to comfort her right now. Still, there was a war waging inside of him, because he’d never stop wanting to comfort and protect her, it was as natural to him as breathing. It was just a fact of the universe.

In the end he turned and walked in the opposite direction that she’d run. He’d given up any right to comfort her the moment he left her alone in that bed. He’d destroyed what was good between them and this was one of the consequences, watching from the sidelines while her whole world was turned upside down, and he was powerless to do anything about it.

>>\-------->

Felicity thought about going upstairs into the club and drinking until she couldn’t feel anything anymore. She seriously considered letting her self-control drop and giving in to the rage, pain and confusion that was steadily building inside of her. The hurt and abandoned child within her wanted to lash out and rebel, to scream and fight and destroy herself in the process.

But she’d long ago grown out of that phase.

Instead, she wound up curled in the front seat of her car with her knees pulled up to her chest, face buried in her arms and tears flowing down her cheeks. She wept for the little girl who dreamt of a father that loved her, one who never left her at all. She wept for all the dreams she’d had of a different childhood and a different life. She wept because the few memories she did have of him were good and the pain she that felt when he left was real. She cried because reconciling those two ideas, that he was a good man who left and that he was this…demon and this assassin was too much for her. It was too much.

What did it mean for her? Who was she? Was there an evil inside of her waiting to come out? Was there a part of her, like him, that could be cruel to others…or even kill? She was the child of this hard man who killed for a living and raised an army to do the same, but she was also the daughter of the bright woman who raised Felicity on her own. So, how did she reconcile that within herself? How could she be both of those people at once?

Felicity looked up and watched the raindrops slowly slide down the windshield of her car. Her eyes followed as drop after drop pushed its way down the glass only to end in a puddle. Finally, she wiped the tears from her cheeks and took a few breaths to steady herself. No. She wouldn’t let this break her; she was raised to be stronger than that.

Ra’s Al Ghul wanted to find her? Fine. Let him come.

She would be ready when he did.

>>\-------->

By the time she got back to her apartment the sun was beginning to break through the early morning clouds and the headache that had been building behind her eyes was in full swing.

She walked inside, placed her bag on the counter and took a moment to steady herself. The last twelve hours left her feeling shaken and out of place and everything that had once been steady began to feel unsettled.

She walked into her bathroom and flicked on the lights, where the face that greeted her in the mirror felt like a stranger. Her face was paler than she’d expected and her eyes bore the remnants of her tears. She reached forward and pulled the medicine cabinet open to look for something that would get rid of her headache. She reached inside and pushed a few bottles and boxes out of the way when her hand slipped knocked a pill bottle off the shelf. It clattered onto the counter and rolled around in a small circle for a moment before settling into place. Felicity picked it up and looked at it for a moment, turning the small bottle around in her hands. Antibiotics. The ones she’d been given after the attack on the warehouse. The same ones she’d been taking before she spent the night with Oliver.

She froze in place.

Wait a minute, that can’t be right. She and Oliver hadn’t used…she did the math quickly in her head and realized that the dates matched. Her stomach dropped. Oh God, the timing was right. She’d been on antibiotics the night she slept with Oliver. The night she slept with Oliver _unprotected_. The night that—

Oh God. She dropped the bottle as if it suddenly burned her. It rapped against the counter before slipping into the sink and rolling in circles around the drain. Felicity backed away from the counter and shook her head. No, no, no, no. This wasn’t right, it wasn’t happening. It _couldn’t_ be happening.

Her mind raced through the last few weeks, the fatigue, the cravings…it all made sense now. All the puzzle pieces fell into place and she wrapped her arms around her middle as if she could hold in the panic rising in her chest. She was beginning to feel dizzy and lightheaded and she had no idea what to do to calm down. Darkness crept in at the edges of her vision, and then took over all at once without warning.

She was vaguely aware of seeing black leather and a flash of blonde hair before her whole world went dark.


	4. Two Lines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, an update! Thank you to everyone for their patience. Between the holidays and getting sick over New Years writing this chapter was harder than I thought it would be. But, I honestly didn't expect the amount of kind comments on the last chapter and the support I've gotten has been what's really driving me to continue this story through sickness and crazy schedules, so THANK YOU EVERYONE. I hope you enjoy this chapter and Happy New Year!

There’s something dangerous about making plans, about imagining there’s a way that your life should go, about deciding on an outcome before it occurs; it’s almost like looking Fate in the eyes and casting out a challenge, like saying “Here I am and I dare you to do something about it”.

Because the funny thing is it will, it _always_ will, and we humans? We never beat Fate. Not once. Not ever.

While it was vague and prone to shifting around, Felicity Smoak did have a plan. She’d always had an idea of the way her life was supposed to look and of how it was supposed to go, a roadmap of her future laid out in her head. Even when she was in college and then when she started working at Queen Consolidated where she met Oliver Queen, the man who crashed headfirst into her life and turned everything upside down in an instant. Suddenly, lifelong plans were thrown out the window. The future, once road mapped, was now an empty page full of possibilities. Oliver Queen managed to work his way into her safe little world and open her up to possibilities she couldn’t have imagined. He showed her a version of herself she’d never dreamed she could become, he showed her that she was braver than she knew and capable of so much more than she’d ever reached for before.

Yet all it took were two tiny pink lines to send her entire world crashing down before her eyes.

This evening had been, even at the best of times, a blur. Felicity had passed out in the bathroom only to wake up on the couch and when her eyes finally fluttered open, the first thing that registered in her mind was the dark silhouette hovering nearby. Her body shot up like a rocket and she practically leapt off the couch.

It took longer than it should have for her to recognize Sara standing in her living room dressed in full vigilante gear.

“Sara!” She exclaimed, hand pressed to her chest to cover her now rapidly beating heart. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to check on you. You ran out of the Foundry so quickly after our conversation and…and I was worried.”

Sara’s eyes flicked to the bathroom for a moment, it was quick, but she was gracious enough not to spell everything out. Sara had come to check on her and when she did she saw Felicity collapse onto the bathroom floor. Felicity mentally groaned at the realization that Sara had to carry her out to the living room. It was disheartening to know Sara had seen her so broken and vulnerable. Felicity didn’t exactly feel like the paragon of emotional strength and, right now, that weakness and fear was showing through.

Sara studied her face for a long moment before she spoke softly “It’s more than Ra’s isn’t it? I saw your face tonight when I told you the news, you were upset, but right now you seem different. You seem…” She paused, searching Felicity’s face for the right word “Devastated. I’m not sure what happened, Felicity, but you can talk to me if you need to.”

Compassion and empathy have an incredible ability to reach our souls in places we didn’t know were still hurting. Sometimes you need someone to see you standing there, hurt and afraid, and acknowledge your pain, to see the wounds inside of your heart, to know that you’re bleeding from the inside out and to offer their condolences because sometimes things are just too broken to be fixed.

Tears that had been threatening to overflow finally did and Felicity’s hand covered her mouth as she sat down on the couch and took in a ragged breath. Broken was how she felt, broken beyond repair.

Sara moved toward Felicity “What is it?” she asked as she took a seat next to Felicity on the couch. “Whatever it is, you can tell me”

Felicity had never been good at lying, but she’d definitely improved at it over the last few years. She seriously thought about lying to Sara, making up an excuse to send her away and dealing with this on her own. However, right now she was too tired and too scared to lie. She needed a friend, an ally and Sara was here and offering to listen.

So Felicity told the truth.

“I…I think I might be pregnant.” She began “I-I mean I’m pretty sure that I am, I haven’t taken a test yet or anything, but I did the math in-in my head and…yeah, yeah there’s definitely a solid chance that I—”

“Wait” Sara interrupted “Slow down and start at the beginning. Is that why you fainted in the bathroom?”

Felicity’s throat was tight and she could only manage a nod at first “Yes.”

“And you just figured this out now, tonight?” Sara’s thin brows were furrowed together.

“Yes, I went into the bathroom to find something for my headache when I realized—”

Sara stood up quickly, her shoulders high and tense. She kept rubbing her gloved hands together as if she were agitated or nervous. She turned her back to Felicity for a moment before pacing around the room and returning to the couch beside Felicity.

“Have you told anyone else that you might be pregnant?”

“I—what? No, no you’re the only person I’ve even seen since I realized it.”

Sara pursed her lips and nodded before speaking. “Felicity, I’m sorry to pry, but I need to know who the father is.”

Taken aback by such a direct question, Felicity found herself backing into the corner of the couch, as if she could physically shrink away from answering this line of questioning. She wrapped her arms around herself and kept her mouth shut, silently begging Sara to understand why she couldn’t answer. Sensing her hesitation Sara continued, her voice softer this time:

“…Is it Oliver?”

Felicity didn’t need to answer. It was clear from the way she bit her lip and starting rubbing two fingers with her thumb that Sara had guessed right.

Sara merely shook her head in response and cursed quietly under her breath in a language Felicity wasn’t quite sure was English.

“Ra’s already thinks Oliver is a threat, it’s why he attacked him, to let Oliver know to stay out of his way. He’s worried that Oliver’s feelings for you will make him do something drastic to stop you from joining the League. Felicity, If Ra’s learns that you’re having Oliver’s child…”

Sara didn’t finish the sentence. She didn’t need to. The implication was clear; if Ra’s al Ghul knew Felicity was pregnant he’d take Oliver out to neutralize the threat with no hesitation. After that, there would be nothing standing in the way of Felicity joining the League. In Ra’s al Ghul’s mind Oliver was Felicity’s one connection to Starling city, her only reason to stay. Hell, Oliver was already in danger for that very reason and his best chance stood with Ra’s believing Oliver and Felicity felt nothing but friendship for each other. Felicity needed to find a way to keep everything that happened between her and Oliver a secret or the consequences might be more than she could bear.

But first she needed to find out the truth, to know for sure whether or not she was really pregnant, so she stood up and put on her coat.

>>\-------->

Felicity couldn’t remember much about her drive to the drug store. Her mind was in a daze and only seemed to snap back into focus when she parked her car and saw the big neon OPEN 24 HOURS sign flashing in front of her. She swallowed hard and pulled her mirror down only to see fear clearly reflected back in her blue eyes.

 “Okay, Felicity” she told herself “You can do this”.

She turned the car off and stepped outside, the cold night air cutting straight through her favorite coat and into her bones. Felicity looked toward the store and it was only by luck that she saw Sara lurking in the shadows just outside the light of the streetlamp. Right, she thought to herself, I’m not alone.

Felicity wasn’t sure if that thought made her feel better or worse so she walked into the store without giving it more consideration.

The automatic doors slid slowly open as she walked into the florescent room, her eyes scanning the isles for what she came to purchase. There were no other customers here at this late an hour and the only employee she could see was a young red haired boy at the register who seemed more interested in his phone than her.

Felicity scanned up and down the aisles finding cold medicine, toothpaste, aspirin and even socks before, finally, she found them: the pregnancy tests. They were tucked away in the back, in what felt like the most shameful placement possible, hidden in the back of the store. Although, Felicity reasoned, she could just be projecting. Her heart began to race as she stared at the multicolored array of boxes before her. She had no idea where to begin. She usually liked to research her purchases, just to have an idea of what to look for in the store. This time, however, she rushed out of her apartment without much thought about what she was actually doing, leaving her standing in the back corner of a drug store overwhelmed by the wall of pregnancy test looming in front of her.

She had no idea which one to choose. Did it even matter? Of course it did. But how could she know which one was the best? Should she choose the most expensive? No, expensive doesn’t always equal the best, she reasoned. Finally she reached into her purse to do a quick google search on her phone. Eventually, after waiting for what felt like hours for the page to load, she found a brand with almost universally positive reviews. Fine, she reached forward and grabbed that box with bright blue letters advertising that it had “early detection capabilities”, this should work. She turned and walked back across the store to the register, grabbing a water bottle along the way.

As she slid the box across the counter she began to wish she’d gone to a store with a self-checkout option. The sideways glance the cashier gave her sent more shame through her than she’d expected. He picked up the tests then looked, unmistakably, down to her left hand before running the box under the scanner. Felicity wanted to scream at him. Yes I’m unmarried! Yes I’m alone and buying a pregnancy test in the middle of the night! Yes I know how bad this looks, but do you have any idea how shitty it feels? How awful it is to think you’ve ruined not just your life, but the life of someone you care deeply about? How about instead of giving me that judging look you show a little sympathy, because my life might be drastically changed in just a short amount of time! She really wanted to scream and rant until her lungs hurt, but instead, she paid for her purchase and walked out of the store with her head held as high as she could keep it.

She didn’t stop to talk to Sara; she didn’t even look back before she got into her car and turned the key. No, she was done waiting, now one simple test was all that stood between her and the truth.

>>\-------->

Of course, she knew in her heart that the test would be positive, even before she turned over the little plastic stick and saw two glaring pink lines staring back at her. Still, the reality of it was hard for her to accept. What would Oliver say? For that matter, what does she want him to say and how did she want him to react? The thought of telling him made her stomach roll. Felicity knew she needed to tell him, but she was scared and for the first time in years she felt alone. She never imagined her life would end up like this and she certainly never wanted to end up pregnant and alone like her mother. She always planned to be more than that, to do more than that…yet here she was, sitting on the couch with a positive pregnancy test in her hands and no one to share the news with.

Felicity turned her head to look out the window, half expecting to see one masked vigilante or another cloaked in shadow and acting as a guard, but instead all she saw was the light spilling across the empty pavement from the streetlamp outside. Maybe Sara really had left her alone or maybe she was just better at hiding than Felicity gave her credit for, either way it didn’t matter. Sara knew the truth and she’d seen Felicity at her most vulnerable and there was no turning back from that. All Felicity could do was trust that she’d really keep this a secret until she could figure out how to tell Oliver the truth, something that was becoming more and more complicated every day. The truth was Felicity was pregnant. The truth was that she already felt a connection to this child more strongly than she thought possible, and the truth was that Felicity was scared. She’d always wanted the dream house with a husband and kids and instead she got a masked vigilante who chose, in no uncertain terms, not to be with her. How could she raise a child with him? Would he even want it? Felicity couldn’t bear the thought of Oliver not wanting this child and the thought of him rejecting it and essentially rejecting her was too much for her to think about. Of course, the thought of him feeling a sense of obligation to her because of this child was even worse. Would he try to be with her, even if he didn’t want her, because of the child they now shared? Felicity knew the answer, yes. Family was the most important thing in the world to Oliver and she could easily see him raising a child he didn’t want out of a misplaced sense of obligation. Felicity couldn’t bear the thought of being anyone’s second choice, least of all his.

Suddenly, she felt tears spring to her eyes, because one singular dark thought entered her mind and now she couldn’t shake it off. How could she be a mother? Her arms wrapped around her stomach as if she could protect the baby from her own emotions, but there it was, clear in her head. How could she possibly be a mother to this child? Her relationship with her own mother was challenging at best and her father abandoned her before she could fully understand what that even meant. So what chance did this baby have with her?

No, she thought, she needed to stop thinking like this. She took a deep, grounding breath and told herself to calm down. This was a problem to take one day at a time and today she was simply out of energy. So she curled up on her side and fell asleep on the couch, too overwhelmed by her emotions to move herself into the bedroom.

>>\-------->

Oliver was alone in the foundry, working out to distract himself, when Sara slipped quietly into the room. At least he wasn’t taken by surprise this time; instead he watched her come in and stand next to the table silently while he finished his rep. When he finished he grabbed his grey hoodie, slipped it on, and turned to her.

“How is she?”

“Diggle is with her now, keeping watch outside her place.”

“Sara” One word, a warning, a plea, a bargain fell from his lips before he clenched his jaw shut and looked into his friend’s eyes, searching for answers.

Sara looked at him and sighed before speaking “She’s been through a lot today, Oliver; she’s…overwhelmed, exhausted, scared and…” Sara took a deep breath and pursed her lips “and she just needs some time to figure things out.”

Oliver got the vague sense that there was something Sara wasn’t telling him, but he couldn’t put his finger on it, so instead he nodded once before taking a long drink from his water bottle.

That’s when Sara spoke again “You need to be careful, Oliver.”

He turned to her, brows furrowed in confusion “I know that, Sara.”

“No, I don’t think you do. Ra’s al Ghul will stop at _nothing_ to get Felicity to join the League. He hurt her, planted a bomb, just to warn you that loving her, caring about her, is dangerous.”

Oliver shook his head once, the ghost of a smile on his face in place to hide the grimace. “I know all of that” He said slowly “It’s why I ended things between us before—”

“Before they went too far?” Sara’s sharp eyes scanned his face.

“Yes”

Oliver felt defensive, though he couldn’t exactly place why and once again he felt slightly unsettled by Sara’s sharp gaze on him. Before he could say anything Sara spoke again.

“Do you love her, Ollie?”

Point blank she asked it, plain, simple and direct. The question felt like a blow, because the answer was simple; his answer was yes, unequivocally and absolutely yes he loved Felicity, but still, he couldn’t make himself say it. He couldn’t put the truth out there in the world, because if there was even a chance that saying it could hurt her, he would keep the words locked tight in his chest and take them to his grave.

Sara continued without an answer, knowing he wouldn’t respond. “Because, if you do, you might need to be prepared to sacrifice more than you’d imagined” Her face grew even more solemn “Ra’s al Ghul doesn’t play safe and he doesn’t take prisoners, Oliver. He wants Felicity and in my experience Ra’s al Ghul always gets what he wants, by any means necessary.” She moved toward him and put her gloved hand on his arm “Just…be careful Ollie, okay?”

Oliver wasn’t sure what to do, and he didn’t know what to say when she looked at him, her eyes filled like that with concern. So he said nothing, just covered her small hand with his own and nodded.

Sara left the foundry after that, once again leaving Oliver on his own in the basement of the club. He couldn’t banish his thoughts this time and they came at him, forcefully and unbidden. Something Sara said resonated with him _you might need to be prepared to sacrifice more than you’d imagined_. Oliver had already given up so much in his life to do what he thought was right, to fight this battle and wage this war. He’d lost his mother and his father; both sacrificed their own lives for him, so that he could live. That sacrifice weighed on Oliver every single day, because he never once felt worthy of it. The only person in the world who made him feel human again and almost truly deserving of love was Felicity. So, what would he be willing to give up to keep her safe and out of Ra’s al Ghul’s hands? There was no question that he’d be willing to kill for her. He’d done it before and, even though he’d spent so long trying to be a better man than the killer he once was, he knew in his heart that if a moment came to make the hard call, he’d do it.

Would he die for her? Yes. The answer came from his gut, and crawled straight up his spine, because the thought of choosing his own life over hers was unthinkable. He placed his hands on the med table and dropped his head down, wishing for an easy answer. What was Sara getting at? What was Oliver unwilling to sacrifice? What would Ra’s try to take away from all of them to get Felicity?

The answer was clear, simple and more painful than Oliver could bear. Ra’s just wanted Felicity. He wanted to take her away and force her into a life she couldn’t survive, a life she was ill suited for and didn’t deserve. What was Oliver unwilling to sacrifice? Felicity’s happiness. He wasn’t afraid of losing Felicity, because he’d already lost her. He pushed her away when he abandoned her in that bed and severed the tie when he told her that sleeping together meant more to her than it did to him. He could give her up if that meant she had a chance at happiness. He knew that a life tied to him wasn’t what she deserved, because he couldn’t force the darkness of his past and the dangers of his present into her life and watch what it did to her. He just…couldn’t.

So he let her go, cut the ties and hoped that it gave her a shot at finding happiness with someone who deserved her.

But now that happiness and that chance at a good life were in danger and that was something Oliver couldn’t sacrifice. Her innate goodness and innocence was precious and Oliver couldn’t watch Ra’s steal that from her, he wouldn’t.

So he’d fight. He’d fight for Felicity and everything she stood for, because she was Oliver’s chance for redemption. She brought this team together in a way that no one else could and he’d do anything to make sure it stayed that way. He loved her enough to let her go, but too much to see her happiness destroyed.


	5. The Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I don't usually update this quickly, as much as I wish I could, but this chapter was a bit of a happy accident! Most of it wasn't laid out in my original plans for the story, but it just sort of happened and I realized it fit in really well with the story I want to tell. So, I hope you enjoy it!  
> I also wanted to say thank you again for all of the kudos and kind comments! I say it every time, but they mean a lot to me and they absolutely make my day!  
> So, anyway, please enjoy!

There was nothing worse, Felicity decided while hunched over her toilet at four AM, than experiencing all the symptoms of pregnancy while alone and unable to tell anyone about it. Take morning sickness, for example, a delightful new symptom of her pregnancy that started a just few hours ago. She was miserable and she wanted someone to sit beside her and tell her that everything was okay and that it would be over soon, but instead she was curled up on the cold tile of her bathroom floor, alone and staring at a spot on the wall. The cold from the floor cut through the thin fabric of her pajamas and left her shaking slightly in between bouts of nausea and vomiting. When Felicity woke up over an hour earlier, after just two hours of sleep, she felt a rush of fear as she ran to the bathroom. Her first disoriented thought was that something happened to the baby, before her brain woke up along with the rest of her and realized what was going on. Morning sickness, the doctor warned her that this might happen; she’d said morning sickness was common, even if it didn’t always happen in the morning.

Felicity had made an appointment to see her doctor the morning after she took the pregnancy test. A positive at home pregnancy test was one thing, but now it was time to take more serious steps for herself and the baby. So, she scheduled the earliest appointment she could and when she arrived the doctor ran her own test and the results were the same as the ones Felicity got in her apartment; she was undeniably and irrefutably five weeks pregnant with Oliver Queen’s child.

That had been a week ago. Felicity was now just over 6 weeks pregnant and enjoying all of the symptoms that accompanied her current state. Symptoms like morning sickness, exhaustion and ridiculous food cravings, not to mention she was tired all the time and barely able to cope with her already draining lifestyle.

So it was for all those reasons that Felicity found herself sitting on the floor of her bathroom just past 4:30am, exhausted and desperately craving salt and vinegar potato chips. She decided that only in pregnancy could she go from nauseous to hungry in the blink of an eye. She used the sink counter to pull herself to her feet and brushed the dust off her pajama bottoms, before she walked into her kitchen and opened the cupboards only to discover, much to her chagrin, that she had nothing to satiate her cravings. Damn, she thought to herself, there was no helping it; she needed to run to the store.

>>\-------->

The only store Felicity knew would be open at this hour was the same store she bought the pregnancy test from almost two weeks ago. This time, parking in front of the neon sign didn’t fill her with the same dread that it did before, instead she was just vaguely hungry. So she got out of the car and held her breath for a moment when the automatic doors slid open before she saw a dark haired middle aged woman standing behind the counter. Her shoulders, unconsciously tensed, relaxed and she let out a breath as she walked into the bright room.

She walked up and down the aisles, grabbing a large bag of salt and vinegar chips, three chocolate bars and a particularly good looking jar of olives.

“That’s quite an assortment you’ve got there.”

Sara’s voice, suddenly behind Felicity, made her yelp and flinch hard enough to drop the bottle of olives she’d been holding. Thanks to her quick reflexes, Sara managed to reach out and catch the jar before it hit the ground. She wasn’t dressed as the Canary tonight, instead she wore jeans and a simple grey jacket, but, costume or no, watching her move was nothing short of impressive.

“Sorry” She said, handing the olives back to Felicity “Didn’t mean to scare you.”

Felicity rested the jar safely in the crook of her elbow before responding “What are you doing here?”

Sara’s reply came in the form of a small shrug accompanied by an apologetic look. “It was my shift.”

Felicity was stunned “Your…your shift?” She practically hissed “You can’t be serious. I have guards now?” Felicity sighed “I have guards, who take shifts” Felicity rolled her eyes up to stare at the dirty ceiling tiles of the store. “This can’t be happening.”

“Felicity, I know it’s not ideal but—”

The last bit of fraying string that was holding Felicity together finally broke and she snapped at Sara.

“Not ideal? No, no, you see finding out that Ra’s al Ghul is my father was not ideal. Realizing that I’m pregnant was not ideal. Knowing that if I tell Oliver the truth it will probably lead directly to his death is not ideal. This right here, finding out that I have a guard following me around all night, this is a problem.” Felicity paused to take a deep breath, and when she spoke again she aimed for calm, though she suspected the result still sounded more panicked than composed. “Sara, you of all people understand why I can’t have someone watching me all the time.”

Sara did, of course she understood, because the same dichotomy that tore Felicity apart had affected her as well. It seemed there was no way to keep both Felicity and Oliver safe at the same time. By guarding Felicity so closely someone would find out about the baby sooner or later. If she had to guess, Sara figured it would be sooner rather than later and then Oliver would learn the truth. The same truth that would put him firmly in Ra’s al Ghul’s crosshairs, a place no man wanted to be. But for Sara the choice was made easier, because when she saw Oliver the night she found out about the baby she knew he’d never forgive her if she didn’t protect Felicity. Sara saw his face when she asked if he loved her. For Oliver, Felicity came first and now that there was a baby involved, well, Oliver would choose death before he let someone hurt his family. Even a family he didn’t know he had.

So, while Sara understood Felicity’s concerns, she no longer shared them and while Sara worried for Oliver, Oliver worried for Felicity.

So, when Sara spoke it was to tell Felicity that she was sorry, but this was the way it had to be.

Felicity, recognizing defeat, shook her head once in frustration before pushing past Sara to pay for her purchases at the counter. She didn’t speak again until she left the store, plastic bag in one hand and car keys in the other. Cold wind immediately whipped past her as she walked into the blackness of the parking lot and when she was exactly three steps outside of the automatic doors she turned on her heel and looked Sara dead in the eye.

“Was this his idea? To have me guarded, to watch me like I’m some helpless—”

“No”

Felicity must have flinched or reacted in some way, because Sara’s face immediately softened and she shoved her hands into the pockets of her coat.  “No, it was my idea” She said softly “Oliver knew you wouldn’t like it, but I insisted.”

“You…you what?” Felicity was stunned and, though it was irrational, she felt mildly betrayed. Sara was the only person who knew exactly how dangerous it was to guard Felicity so closely and yet she’d insisted on it. Why?

As if in answer to her unasked question Sara continued “Listen Felicity, there is a storm coming to Starling City; Ra’s al Ghul is not a force to be reckoned with and he will do whatever it takes to bring you in. His next step will be coming to Starling to speak with you himself and I’m guessing he’ll do it soon. So, right now, you are in real danger, very real danger and Oliver…” She paused, took a breath and shifted her feet around “Oliver may or may not be a target for Ra’s. We can’t know for sure yet, so until we do we’re not putting your life at risk on the off chance it might save his.”

Felicity bit her lip and stared into the darkness behind Sara. She didn’t like that answer, she didn’t like it one bit because it felt like they were choosing her life over Oliver’s and it was a choice that, if asked, Felicity would never make.

But she wasn’t being given a choice anymore.

“I have to go” she said, turning away from Sara. “I just can’t…do this anymore.”

She got into her car and turned the ignition on without looking back once, though she knew her shadow would be following close behind.

>>\-------->

Felicity spent the rest of the day in a haze, partially from exhaustion and partially because of what Sara had said to her. She hated that she was the reason everyone was in danger. She hated that Oliver would choose to protect her over himself and she hated that she still couldn’t tell him the truth about the baby. Every time she looked at him her heart broke a little because she still cared about him, loved him even, and a part of her wanted to share this child with him, but there was a larger part of her that was afraid. She was afraid of what his reaction would be, but she was even more afraid of losing him.

So when Oliver asked her, once again, if she was alright, Felicity simply brushed him off and told him that she was tired.

He told her that her scans would be running the rest of the night and sent her home to get some rest. The whole team had been doing everything they could to find a way to outsmart Ra’s and keep Felicity safe, but so far, their efforts yielded no results. Felicity was scanning every network she could find in the city and cross referencing them with everything they knew about the League; known IP’s, recognizable protocols, packet switching patterns, even viruses, but so far she’d found nothing.

Which was why it was with a heavy heart and a small headache that Felicity crashed into her bed to finally get some rest.

Felicity woke up surrounded by what she assumed must have been a cloud, because there was no other reason, she decided, to be surrounded by something so overly white and fluffy. As she forced her eyes slowly open she began to take in her surroundings, most of which were blocked from her view by a large white comforter. However, she spent no time trying to figure out where she was, because instinctively she knew that this place, wherever it was, was her home.

Something moved along her side and down to her leg and it took Felicity a moment to realize that it was a hand, a large warm hand sliding along her thigh and playing with the hem of her pajama shorts. At the same time she felt a pair of lips press into the curve of her neck where it met her shoulder. She instinctively knew who this was as well, she’d felt those lips before and she knew those hands like they were her own; hands that were strong, sure, gentle and capable of so much love as well as destruction. When his lips pressed against the shell of her ear to whisper a raspy ‘good morning’ Felicity felt a flood of warmth spread through her entire body, because it felt as if someone had thrown open the shutters and finally let the light back into her life.

She rolled over on her side to face him, but was unprepared for the sight of Oliver Queen stretched out beside her in bed, with a small smile on his face and the morning light streaming through the window behind him. In fact, the whole room was bright, everything from the pale blue walls, to the early morning sunlight bathing the room in a soft glow, to the happy look in Oliver’s eyes. A look Felicity hadn’t seen in a very long time. It was, Felicity realized, everything she’d ever wanted. She reached out and cupped Oliver’s cheek with her hand, letting her thumb rub over the stubble that had grown there.

“This is a dream isn’t it?” She asked sadly.

A small crease formed between Oliver’s brows as he looked down at her. Despite his confusion a small smile still tugged at the corner of his lips; a smile Felicity knew he so often saved for her, a smile she held close to her heart. This couldn’t be real, she decided, it was too wonderful.

Even as she thought it, Oliver wrapped his hand around the one she held to his cheek and planted his lips softly on her wrist. Felicity was struck by how warm and real the kiss felt against her skin. “Does this feel like a dream?” He asked softly, his eyes flicking to hers for just a moment before returning to look at her hand.

Felicity licked her lips and hesitated before answering “No” she whispered “But that doesn’t—”

“Shh…” He said softly, bringing his lips back down to her wrist, before moving them swiftly up her arm and along her shoulder until his mouth was firmly planted on her neck. Felicity let out a soft, quiet moan, and brought her hand up to thread through his short hair. She knew in her soul that this couldn’t be real, it had to be a dream, but if it was…oh god she hoped she never woke up. His lips moved from her neck to kiss the corner of her mouth, her forehead, her nose, before he finally kissed her lips. This kiss was slow, languid, gentle and absolutely overflowing with love, to the point where Felicity felt tears stinging the back of her eyes, because it felt so good and so right to be kissed by Oliver this way.

When he pulled away from her slowly he kept his hand on her cheek and their foreheads pressed together. “Felicity” He said softly “You know that I love you, right?”

And there it was, the words she’d so desperately wanted to hear, spoken as if they were the most casual thing in the world. Felicity could do nothing but look up at Oliver through her long lashes and nod, because in that moment, she really did know how much he loved her. She could feel it in her bones and she finally knew what it was like to be loved so fully and unabashedly by Oliver Queen.

It was right then that the door to the bedroom swung open and a little boy, no more than four, ran into the room and leapt headfirst into Oliver’s arms.

“Daddy!” He screamed, leaping up into the bed and into Oliver’s lap.

Oliver laughed, a sound Felicity rarely heard, and scooped the boy up in his arms “Good morning, tiger” he said while absently tickling the small child. The little boy let out screams of hysterical laughter before wiggling out of his father’s arms to crawl into Felicity’s lap. Felicity found herself scooping him up as though she’d done it a thousand times before. The boy was light, she noted, he felt so small and fragile in her arms, and his blonde hair was tossed all over the place as he stared at her excitedly through bright blue eyes.

“Mommy, Mommy guess what?” He asked with all the wonder and excitement of a small child.

“What is it?”

“I had a dream last night about a puppy!” He said settling himself into her lap “A really big one.” He spoke with all the confidence of a four year old who knew, undeniably, that his dream was important news to share.

Felicity’s smile was large and genuine when she replied “That’s wonderful, sweetie.”

He wiggled himself around in her arms to face her “Can we have pancakes for breakfast?”  

“Sure” She replied, Oliver spoke next.

“Why don’t you go brush your teeth and when you’re done your mother and I will make you breakfast.”

“Okay!” He shouted, already halfway off Felicity’s lap and out of the room.

Felicity felt her heart swell with joy as she watched him rush out of the room. She bit her lip and tried her best to hold back the tears she knew were just behind her eyes, but one traitorous tear slipped down her cheek and landed on her hand.

“Hey, hey” Oliver said softly “Don’t cry” he gently brushed the wetness off her cheek. “Besides, you heard him; we have an important mission to get to.” He leaned in conspiratorially “There are pancakes on the line here.”

Felicity found herself laughing even as more tears slipped down her cheeks; she took a deep breath in before she looked at him through her lashes.

“Say it again” She asked softly “Say that you love me.”

Oliver smiled slightly and cupped her face with both of his large hands. Felicity was reminded of the first time he kissed her.

“Felicity Smoak” he began “I lo—”

A loud crashing sound in her living room woke Felicity and caused her to jump out of bed as quickly as she could. Disoriented, she tried to get her bearings quickly and she steadied herself by placing a hand on her nightstand. Her bedroom was dark, almost pitch black, a direct contrast to the dream she’d just had.

Felicity swallowed thickly, took a shaky breath, and craned her head toward the door to listen for more sounds. When she heard the unmistakable sound of boots on the hardwood floor she felt her heart drop out of her chest.

Oh God, she needed to act quickly. She looked around the room for something to use to defend herself, but realized she kept little in the way of weapons in her apartment. She saw a something on her dresser, a large hardcover book she’d been meaning to pick up and start reading. Okay, she thought to herself, that will have to do.

 She crossed her bedroom as quietly as she could, and picked up the book. She slid past the dresser, hardly willing to take in a single breath, and pressed her ear against the bedroom door. Her breathing grew shallow when she realized the intruder was near her bedroom door and moving closer.

She was scared, she admitted to herself, she wanted to run and hide from whoever this was, but she knew that fighting was her only real option. So, she steeled herself for what she needed to do.

It was now or never.

She threw open her door and swung the book at her intruder with as much force as she could muster. Her attack might have worked, had the man not dodged it and forced the book out of her hands and onto the floor in a matter of seconds.

“Damn it, Felicity” John Diggle cursed, turning on her.

“John!” Felicity exclaimed, part relieved and part furious “What the hell are you doing in my living room? You scared me half to death!”

Diggle turned to face her “I was doing my rounds when I realized that, while I was checking the back, someone snuck in through this window.” Diggle’s tone was all business as he nodded to the living room window that was currently open. Felicity felt a cold dread creep into her chest, because she was certain she’d shut it before going to bed. “I saw them rush out of here just before I got in; knocked over the vase in the windowsill in their rush out.” He looked Felicity in the eye “Are you okay?”

Felicity was shaken up, but she was unhurt. She told Diggle as much.

He looked relieved and, realizing the current danger was gone, Diggle bent down and picked up the book he’d knocked out of Felicity’s hands “What exactly was your plan here, Felicity?” He asked “To beat me to death with an autobiography?”

Felicity didn’t respond, mostly because she didn’t want to admit that, yes, that was as well thought out as her plan got.

“I really wish you’d let me give you a gun.” Diggle continued.

“Right” Felicity said, taking the book and moving past him “So I can shoot myself in the foot, instead of the intruder.”

“I’d teach you how to use it.” He countered.

“No thanks, John. I’d—” Felicity froze. Her heart felt like it stopped beating in her chest. She distantly heard Diggle asking if she was okay, but she wasn't okay. There was something on her coffee table, something she certainly didn't leave there.

A note.


	6. A Time and Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, I'm excited to finally have an update! I hope to continue posting fairly regularly, but my semester just started back up and it's looking pretty crazy already, so, please know that I'm doing the absolute best that I can! Thank you to the people who left kudos, comments and reviews, they never fail to make me smile! I try to answer all the comments, but I'm sorry if I missed any!  
> Anyway, please enjoy this chapter and I hope you like where the story is going!

Time has a way of behaving strangely. If you think about it, something that happened years ago could feel as if it occurred just yesterday, while yesterday may feel as if it were a distant memory. Sometimes an entire day could pass by as if it were no more than a single moment, while a single moment stretches on for an eternity.

For Felicity, the few seconds she spent reaching her hand out to grab the note sitting on her coffee table felt as if they would never end. She extended a shaky hand toward the cream colored parchment, unsure of what to expect once she picked it up. She noted that the paper was thick and made of sturdy card stock. She saw her name hand scripted on the top and she held her breath as she opened the note with shaking hands. She’d expected to see a message inside, perhaps something threatening or even a warning, but what she didn’t expect was a small photograph to slide out between the folds of the paper.

The picture slipped out of the note and drifted gently to the floor where it slid along the hardwood to land next to Felicity’s bare feet. Felicity could hardly breathe when she looked down at the wallet sized photograph lying on the ground. She recognized the picture immediately; it was one of her as a little girl holding hands with her father and in the picture, she was looking up at him as if he were her entire world.

Now she just stood in her living room and stared at the photograph on the floor. At first, she couldn’t bring herself to touch it, because that would make it real and she wasn’t ready for that, but after a few moments she bent down and picked up the small photo. In the picture, she was wearing her hair down and she was dressed in her favorite floral dress and laughing at something her father said. She had the faintest memory of this picture being taken, because it was one of the last days she spent with her father before he left. Now, staring at the picture, she felt nothing but hollow and angry.

How dare he? How dare he send someone to break into her apartment just to torture her with memories of her past? How dare he come back into her life so suddenly after he chose to—

“Felicity!” Diggle’s strong hand on her arm shocked Felicity back to reality. He’d evidently been saying her name for a while now, but his voice dropped to a softer tone when he spoke again “What is it? What did they leave?’

Felicity cleared her throat before speaking “A note. A-a picture actually.” She shoved the photograph into his hands unceremoniously and walked past him toward the still open window. The soft curtains were blowing in the night breeze and billowing into the room. It reminded Felicity of her dream. She shut the window.

The temperature in the room had dropped significantly and Felicity wrapped her arms around herself for mediocre warmth while she stared out the window. There was no trace of anyone outside and no evidence that anyone had been here at all. The only evidence of the break-in was the note and the shattered vase that sat to her left. She turned around to face Diggle, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear as she did so.

“Why is he doing this?” She asked softly “Why did he break in to leave a note? Was it to hurt me or to make me join the League?” She gently shook her head, her blonde hair falling back into her eyes “I don’t understand it, Dig.”

Diggle placed the photograph back on the coffee table and moved to pull Felicity into a tight hug. She responded by wrapping her arms around him and tucking her head just below his chin.

“I can’t even pretend to understand why he’s doing all of this.” Diggle began “But what I do know is that we’re going to stop him and we’re not gonna let him take you Felicity, I promise.”

She nodded and pulled herself away, but before she could say anything Diggle spoke again.

“You should try to get some rest. I know everything that’s happened hasn’t been easy, but you look two hours past exhausted and you won’t be much good without sleep.”

Felicity shook her head and she felt her throat growing tight because she was scared. She was scared of Ra’s and she was scared of what her mind would do if she went back to sleep, but she couldn’t tell Diggle the truth, at least not all of it.

“We have to find out who left the note.”                  

“We know who left the note.”

 “John I just…can’t. Every time I close my eyes I see—”

“Okay” He cut her off and Felicity was grateful she didn’t need to explain herself any further. “Okay, but either way I’m not letting you out of my sight.” As if to prove his point he sat down on the couch and stared at her.

Felicity relented because she knew there was no arguing with Diggle on this point, so she said she’d try to get some rest and went back into her bedroom.

As Felicity settled herself back into bed she realized a few things. She realized that even though the events of the last hour had shaken her up, she wasn’t totally afraid anymore. If Ra’s had wanted to hurt her, he proved that he could easily do so, meaning that whatever he wanted it wasn’t to harm Felicity. The only fear she still felt was for Oliver; Ra’s obviously had plans for Felicity and she feared what would happen if Oliver were to get in the way of those plans.

But she couldn’t think about Oliver right now, the dream she’d had was still too fresh in her mind. The feeling of his hand grazing her thigh, the way his mouth felt against her skin, the look in his eyes…their son. Her hand went immediately to her ever so slightly swollen stomach.  Felicity felt herself wishing for that life, she wanted a world in which Oliver loved her wholly and without restraint, because that was how she wanted to love him. She wanted her child, their child, to grow up with its father and she knew that in order to be a father figure Oliver needed to know about his baby, but Felicity wished it was as simple as that. She needed to decide what was best for the baby, to risk Oliver’s life by telling him or keep him safe by keeping him unaware.

Felicity rolled over on her side and closed her eyes. She couldn’t think about this anymore. She did her best to clear her mind and avoid all thoughts of Oliver and her father and eventually she managed to fall asleep. Much to her relief she didn’t dream about anything at all.

Felicity woke up to the sight of sunlight shining into her bedroom and the feeling of her soft blanket wrapped around her body. Her bed was warm and she felt more rested than she’d been in days and for a moment, just a moment, she forgot about everything that happened in the last few weeks. Then she heard the sound of Diggle’s voice drifting in from the living room and everything came crashing back at once.

She pulled herself out of bed and walked into the living room, only to hear Diggle end a phone conversation. He hung up the phone and slipped it back into his pocket before addressing Felicity.

“That was Oliver” He said by way of explanation “He wants us back at the foundry; it looks like your scans may have found something.”

Felicity nodded in understanding, but she couldn’t hold back the question at the forefront of her mind “Did you tell him about…” Her eyes flicked to the still shattered remnants of the vase near the window.

“I did”

 _And he wasn’t happy about it_ were the words Diggle left hanging in the air, but by now, Felicity knew how to read between the lines when he spoke. She could see in his face that Oliver hadn’t reacted well to the news, but she could also see that Diggle blamed himself for what happened “Come on” He continued “I’ll put on some coffee while you get ready.”

“No!” Felicity practically shouted before catching herself too late “I-I mean, none for me, thanks. I’ve been feeling pretty sick lately so I’m trying a whole new caffeine free…thing for a little while.” Felicity knew the lie was weak, she could hear it in her voice, so she kept talking “It’s supposed to be really good for your health…I think, anyway I read about it somewhere and I—you know what? It doesn’t matter. I’m just gonna go get ready now.”

She bolted out of the room before Diggle had a chance to respond. She locked herself in her bathroom and slid down with her back against the door mentally berating herself for her inability to keep her mouth shut.

She was really going to need to work on her lies.

>>\-------->

Oliver was in the foundry when Felicity's computer started to beep. Her scans had picked up the IP address for a computer likely being used by a League of Assassins member within Starling city and he'd spent the last hour preparing equipment for their potential new mission. He’d been focused on carefully planning for this mission ever since Diggle called early this morning to tell him about Felicity.

He heard the words ‘Felicity is safe’ followed by ‘break in’ and ‘note’ before all he saw was red. His entire field of vision went dark and the only sound he could hear was the blood rushing through his ears. The rage he felt at the thought of her potentially being hurt surprised even him. Now, his body was fueled with rage and fear, because Ra’s al Ghul was too big a force to be reckoned with. Whatever plan they came up with today needed to work, because he couldn’t risk losing Felicity and this might be their only shot to get to Ra’s before he got to her.

The sound of the foundry door creaking open is what snapped Oliver back into reality. He saw Diggle descend the stairs followed closely by Felicity. Oliver put down the small bag he’d been holding and crossed the room to meet Felicity at the bottom of the steps. Her blonde ponytail whipped around to land on her shoulder as she turned her head to look at him. For some reason she seemed so small in that moment.

“Hey” He said softly, angling his head down to look at her “How are you doing?”

She opened her mouth brush off his question and say that she was fine when he spoke again.

“And don’t say that you’re fine. I want the truth, Felicity.”

Felicity’s mouth snapped shut for a moment before she took a breath. Finally, she was able to answer him and when she did it was with as much of the truth as she could afford to give “It was hard seeing that picture in my apartment. I thought I’d begun to make peace with my father walking out on us and then…then this happens and I don’t know what to make of him suddenly reappearing in my life and leaving cryptic messages in my home and—”

Oliver cut her off my saying her name softly as he placed his hand on her shoulder. Felicity stopped talking immediately and her heart began to pound in her chest, this was the first real touch they’d shared since….since.

“Ra’s got to you once” Oliver said quietly, though the anger was clear in his voice “But I promise you that I won’t let him do it again.”

Felicity wanted the words to be reassuring, but instead, they sent a cold chill down her spine. How could she tell him that the harder he fought to save her the more danger he put himself in?

“That’s exactly what I’m afraid of.” She finally admitted so quietly that Oliver wasn’t quite sure he heard her right. His brow furrowed in confusion, but Felicity kept talking “The more you try to protect me the more danger you put yourself in.”

“Felicity, I don’t care about that—“

“But I do!” She burst out. She found that she wanted to say so much more, but she couldn’t bring herself to say the words. So, she left everything else unspoken. She didn’t say that losing him would devastate her. She didn’t tell him that she couldn’t imagine the team functioning without him. She didn’t mention the baby. She just stared at him with a heavy gaze because she needed him to know just how much she cared without saying the words.

“Did it ever occur to you,” She finally asked after a lengthy silence “What losing you might mean?” She specifically didn’t add ‘to me’, but there it was in her gaze and Oliver could see it clearly. The hand on her shoulder moved to slide down her arm and cup her elbow, a small gesture, but one that set Felicity on edge. There was a pull to Oliver she couldn’t control that seemed to thrum through her veins and set her blood on fire.

“Hey” His voice was soft; forcing her gaze back to him “I promise, you’re not going to lose me.”

She couldn’t bear to tell him that it felt like she already had. There was so much distance, she realized, so many lies and half-truths and more secrets than Felicity was comfortable keeping that were causing a rift to form between them that she wasn’t sure they could fix. She wanted to reach out to him, but there was a wall blocking her way, so instead, she pulled herself away from him and walked over to her computers. This she could do, she thought, technology and tracking she could handle, but Oliver looking at her like that…

She opened the scan she’d had running to pull up the information they’d picked up. She refused to think about him, refused to think about how his eyes were filled with what, if she were forced to define it, she would call love. She refused to think about the feelings it stirred up inside of her chest and she refused to think about the words he’d just spoken. She refused all of it and instead she sat down in her desk chair to focus on the screens in front of her. She’d barely pulled up the information before Sara’s voice suddenly rang throughout the foundry.

“I’ve got good news” She began “Oliver told me about the hit you got on the scan, so I went to check it out”

“What did you find?” Oliver asked while moving toward her.

“The computer is located in a League safe house within Starling City. I know the building” She said “I stayed there once, but the last time I was there it didn’t even have electricity, much less an internet connection.”

“And this is good news?” Diggle crossed his arms over his chest as he spoke.

“I’m getting to the good news.” Sara answered with a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips “The League doesn’t let anyone stay in one place for more than two weeks at a time and last night was the two week mark for the man staying there, which means that tonight—”

“It’ll be empty” Oliver finished.

Sara nodded “Exactly.”

Diggle addressed Oliver when he spoke “If we’re going to do this, then it has to be tonight.”

“You’re right.” He agreed “But we’ll need to move up our timeline, I’ll finish—”

“Excuse me” Felicity interrupted “Do what, exactly?”

It was Oliver who answered her question “We all knew there was a possibility that the scan would lead us to a League safe house, so when I talked to Diggle this morning we came up with a plan. We’re going to hack into their network—”

“That won’t be necessary.”

Oliver’s eyes widened for just a fraction of a second before his body turned on a dime to face the unexpected voice. He saw Nyssa standing in the middle of the open room as if she owned the space and Oliver looked quickly at Sara to gauge her reaction, but she seemed even more surprised than him to see her standing there.

“Nyssa” Sara breathed out “What are you doing here?”

“You wanted to find us, so here we are.” Nyssa spoke with her head held high and her back straight as a rod, before her eyes flicked to Oliver “But I came to deliver a friendly warning” She reached into her jacket and pulled out a small white piece of paper that she gently placed on the table nearby “and this.”

Felicity felt her heart begin to race in her chest and her breath grow shallow. Another note. Another message.

“My warning is this: my father is displeased” Nyssa began, looking at both Oliver and Sara “With both of you.” Something fragile crossed Nyssa’s face when she looked at Sara, but it was only there for a moment before the mask fell back into place. “He feels you’ve betrayed the League—”

“I don’t serve the League” Sara countered “I made it clear when I agreed to return that I only serve you.” Sara kept a steady gaze as she spoke and her eyes never left Nyssa’s for a moment.

“Regardless, he still thinks—”

“I don’t care what he thinks. What he wants to do is wrong and you know it.”

Nyssa only reacted by tilting her chin up ever so slightly “It’s not my place to judge my father’s actions.”

Felicity finally found her voice and she stood out of her chair as she addressed Nyssa. “What does he want with me?” Her voice cut through the room and she felt all eyes turn on her.

“To meet with him.” Was Nyssa’s only reply, but she turned to Oliver when she spoke next “And he wants you to stay away from her. You love her” She said the words as if they were a simple fact of the universe, infallible and unquestionable “And your love is dangerous, for both of you. It makes you a hindrance to my father and people who stand in his way don’t live very long.”

Oliver’s face was hard and his expression was impassive “Is that a threat?”

“A friendly one.” Nyssa replied before she turned and walked out of the room without another word.

Felicity waiting until the door shut behind Nyssa before she rushed across the room to open the note Nyssa left on the table. The only thing written inside was a time and a location and, oh god, she realized immediately that it was the time and location of her meeting with Ra’s.

Three weeks. Ra’s al Ghul would come to Starling to meet with Felicity in three weeks.

“What does it say?”

Felicity didn’t realize how tense she was until Oliver’s voice came from behind her and she practically jumped out of her skin. She turned around to look at him. His head was angled down to look at her and she could see the concern in his face “It’s the date and time of the meeting.” She said before she shook her head and looked down at the note, eventually she dropped the note on the table and looked back up at Oliver “I-I don’t need three weeks to know that I’m going to turn him down. No matter what he says, no matter what he does I’m never going to join him.”

Oliver’s eyes were sympathetic, but when he spoke his words were careful.

“Felicity, it might not be as simple as that. Ra’s al Ghul will take any means necessary to do what he thinks is best for the League and if making you join is what he wants then there’s nothing he won’t do to make it happen; simply turning him down might not being an option.”

A sinking feeling settled into Felicity’s gut “Are you saying you think I should tell him yes?”

“No” Oliver shook his head and took a step toward her, effectively closing much of the distance between them and Felicity was hyper aware of their proximity “Of course not, but it’s going to be difficult to turn him down. He won’t like it and we’ll need to come up with a plan.”

Felicity’s throat felt tight and she found it difficult to swallow “This isn’t one of those ‘if I can’t have it no one can’ situations, is it?”

Oliver’s heart sunk at her words, because that’s exactly what this was. Felicity wasn’t simply going to offer up a “thanks but no thanks” and walk away from Ra’s al Ghul with no consequences. Refusing him could turn ugly very quick and Oliver wasn’t sure what he could do to keep her safe from that.

His pained face was the only answer Felicity needed.

“Oh god” She sat back down in her desk chair, nervously fidgeting with her fingers.

“Felicity” Oliver moved to stand in front of her once more and she looked up at him with her wide blue eyes “I said that he wouldn’t get to you again and I meant it. I promise you that I won’t let Ra’s al Ghul touch you. You’ll be safe.”

The desperation and sincerity in his voice struck something deep in Felicity and she thought that maybe, just maybe, she could believe him. For the first time in weeks she felt something akin to safe and it filled her with a strength she hadn’t realized she’d been missing.

Before she could question it, she reached out to grasp Oliver’s hand in her own and she curled her fingers around his, squeezing gently.

“Thank you, Oliver”

Oliver couldn’t find the words to tell her that it wasn’t nearly enough and it killed him that he couldn’t find a better way to keep her safe. He hated that she was so afraid while he could do nothing to stop it. He wanted to pull her close and hold her, he wanted to promise her that she didn’t need to be afraid, he wanted to stop Ra’s himself and end this for good, but he couldn’t do any of those things. So instead, he just nodded once before rubbing his thumb gently over the back of her hand.

For Felicity, however, those small circles were more reassuring than Oliver realized. His gentle touch was comforting because it felt so close to the normal they once knew.

It almost felt like coming home.


	7. My Strength and My Weakness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I'm really excited about this chapter. The big scene in it is part of what made me want to start this fic in the first place, so I hope you like it!  
> Thank you to everyone who left comments, kudos and reviews. I am so grateful for all of them. I also can't believe this has reached over 12,000 hits, you guys are amazing!!  
> I worked really hard to get this chapter posted quickly as a thank you to all of the amazing readers who have supported me on this crazy journey so far and I hope you like where the story goes!  
> Enjoy!

Felicity had heard her mother once say that “Family can be a strength and a weakness” and while the words had never mattered much to her, Felicity found them suddenly flashing through her mind as her feet pounded on the gravel street. It seemed to Felicity that those particular words had never been more relevant in her life than in this moment. With a flash drive in her hand, she was running across an empty street. It occurred to her that she was running both to and from her family and fighting both for and against it.

It all started a few hours earlier. It was two weeks to the day since Nyssa gave her the message and tonight was their only shot to break into the League safe house. They’d planned and planned their break-in, they’d strategized and made contingencies, but everything had gone to hell so quickly that Felicity couldn’t remember any of it.

She’d been waiting in the van to activate a Trojan she’d written to infect the League’s network. Oliver was supposed to sneak in and install the device so Felicity could remotely trigger the virus, but something had gone wrong.

Someone was already there, waiting for Oliver.

Oliver walked into the room; it was dark with most of the light streaming in through a small window on the right. Oliver saw a man standing with his back to him. He held his bow tight, with an arrow aimed straight at the figure standing before him.

“Turn around” He commanded.

The man slowly turned in place revealing himself and the breath got caught in Oliver’s chest when he saw who it was.

“Maseo?” He breathed out.

“Not anymore, my old friend” He said calmly “Now, I am only known as Sarab.” He pulled out the sword from the sheath by his side “And Ra’s al Ghul wants you to know that he is unhappy.”

Oliver tensed visibly “Maseo, you don’t need to do this.”

The man simply shook his head; regret clear on his face “I don’t have a choice, Oliver.”

With that he lunged forward and swung his sword at Oliver’s body with all the strength and agility he had.

>>\-------->

Felicity heard the conversation followed by grunts as the two began to exchange blows and she panicked because there was no way Oliver was going to be able to install the device. All of this would be for nothing, she realized, if they couldn’t activate the Trojan she’d have nothing against Ra’s and nothing to use for protection for her and the baby. She didn’t want to go in there, more than anything she wanted to hide in the van, but that wasn’t an option anymore. So it was fear, not courage, that drove her to step out of the van with the backup flash drive in her hand.

Her legs propelled her across the pavement and she snuck into a back entrance of the building, hoping that Diggle was still on patrol somewhere nearby if she needed him. Once inside, she was too afraid to speak into the comms in case someone else was in the building, so she moved as silently as she could across the concrete floors.

The hallway was dark and the air felt unusually cold as Felicity moved forward. Something about this place felt heavy and it weighed on Felicity’s chest, making it hard to draw a full breath. She tried to stem her panic as she searched for the right room. She could hear the sounds of Oliver fighting nearby and followed the sounds. It was close.

She found the room a moment later, and took three quick breaths outside to calm her racing heart. This was it. She needed to sneak in, past Oliver and that man and try to install the virus.

No problem Felicity, she thought, you could install this in your sleep. The only tricky part will be the sneaking around and hiding. Oh, and try not to think about what happens if you get caught.

Felicity shook her head and slipped inside the room before that thought could scare her out of taking any necessary action. Once inside, she saw Oliver locked in an intense battle with a League member; the man was swinging his sword intently at Oliver, while Oliver did nothing but dodge his attacks. Felicity only took a quick glance before she ducked behind a nearby pillar, but it seemed to her that Oliver was hardly fighting back.

Then she saw it, the computer, situated on a small desk just to her right. She took one shaky breath in and out before she lunged toward the desk. She slipped behind it and ducked her head behind the monitor, blocking herself from view of both Oliver and the other man. She reached into her pocket and pulled out the flash drive before she slipped it into the computer.

She’d only just put the drive into the slot when the screen suddenly shattered in front of her and she found herself looking at the business end of a dagger. The small blade was suddenly lodged in the screen facing her, as if it had been thrown from behind the monitor. She screamed and backed away as sparks began to fly toward her out of the broken machine.

Oliver’s entire body tensed when he heard Felicity scream. When Maseo’s dagger missed him so completely, he’d initially been confused, but then he heard her scream and it was a sound that chilled his soul and sent a cold shiver down his spine. He turned and saw her, wide eyed, backing away from a sparking computer screen. He moved to rush toward her, his entire body honed in on making sure she was safe, when he saw Maseo move again.

Maseo pulled out a second dagger and moved his arm to throw it at Felicity. Oliver didn’t think, he didn’t even breathe before he rushed forward and tackled Maseo to the ground.

But not before the dagger had been released.

Felicity was shocked when she felt a sharp pain on her left side, just below her ribcage. The force of the blow startled her and caused her to fall backwards. She reached out her arms desperately trying to cling to anything she could grab, but nothing took purchase. She fell to the ground as her head hit the wall behind her, knocking her unconscious.

When Oliver looked up and saw Felicity lying unconscious on the ground he let out a howl of rage. He turned to Maseo and stuck him as hard as he could in the jaw, causing his lip to split. Oliver wanted to lash out more, to beat Maseo into the ground, but he couldn’t do that right now. Instead, he got to his feet and rushed over to Felicity, scooping her up in his arms and standing back upright. He turned his head to Maseo, expecting another attack, but what he saw surprised him.

Maseo stood a few feet away, a thin line of blood trickling down from his lip, and dropped his sword. He looked shocked, as if he’d only just realized what he’d done.

“Go” His voice was hoarse and quiet “Take her and go. Now.” He commanded.

Oliver wasted no time arguing and rushed out of the room as quickly as he could with Felicity in his arms.

>>\-------->

Sara was waiting at the foundry when Oliver returned and Diggle rushed in to prepare the medical supplies.

“What happened?” Sara asked as Oliver moved past her to lay Felicity out on the med table.

“Someone was waiting for me when I arrived, Ra's knew we were coming.” His voice was quiet, cold and furious.

“Nyssa” Sara exhaled. She’d warned Oliver earlier that Nyssa may have told her father about the plans. They all knew it was a distinct possibility, but a small part of Sara had hoped that Nyssa would choose reason, choose her.

But the proof of her choice was lying unconscious in Oliver’s arms.

Oliver leaned down and placed Felicity gently on the med table. At the same time, Diggle pulled the supplies around and prepared to start treating her. Oliver took a step back, knowing Diggle worked best with a little space.

He crossed his arms in front of his chest and every muscle in his body was tense as he waited.

“I think the bleeding has mostly stopped” Diggle said as he snapped a glove into place “Which is good.”

Diggle began by gently rolling up the hem of Felicity’s shirt, stopping just below her sternum. When he looked down at her stomach he let out a curse and froze in place. Fear shot through Oliver’s body so potent he felt sick and he rushed forward to see what made Diggle react that way.

That’s when Oliver saw it, the slight swell of her stomach. Suddenly everything clicked into place and for a moment his vision went blurry. All he could hear was the blood rushing through his ears and everything zeroed in on Felicity. His body was numb and his breathing stopped when he realized what he was seeing; Felicity was pregnant.

Suddenly, Sara pushed him and Diggle out of the way and began to administer the bandage to Felicity’s side.  Diggle, while still shocked, reacted much faster than Oliver and quickly moved back to resume helping Felicity. The two of them spent the next few minutes taking care of Felicity while Oliver stood by, unable to do anything but watch.

>>\-------->

After Diggle declared Felicity unconscious but stable, Oliver asked him and Sara to give him some time alone with her. They both agreed and began to pack up to leave the foundry.

Diggle left quickly, but before Sara could leave Oliver reached out and grabbed her arm. “Wait a second” he said quietly “I have to ask you something.”

Sara turned to face him “Okay”

“How long have you known?”

If Sara was surprised by the question, she didn’t show it. She shrugged her shoulders lightly before replying “As long as Felicity’s known.”

Oliver grimaced and his hand unconsciously gripped Sara’s arm tighter “God damn it, Sara. You helped us plan this mission. You knew she was pregnant and you still let her go out in the field?”

“Oliver” Sara’s voice was firm “Felicity can make her own choices; she wants to stop Ra’s as much as the rest of us. You don’t think she would have gone if she’d had any other choice, do you?” She looked down at his hand still gripping her arm “Now let me go.”

Oliver’s jaw clenched in frustration, but he released his grip on Sara’s arm. He turned around and punched his fist into the nearby desk. He dropped his head down and let out a sigh before he looked back at Sara. “She could have died tonight.” All the anger had left his voice, replaced instead with guilt.

“She didn’t” was Sara’s reply “Don’t lose sight of that.” Sara walked over and rested a hand on Oliver’s shoulder, not missing how tightly wound the muscle was beneath her fingers. She looked him in the eye and nodded once before grabbing her jacket and walking out of the foundry.

Oliver spent the next hour sitting in a chair with his back straight, not moving, just watching the constant rise and fall of Felicity’s chest. So much was unraveling before his eyes, but he clutched onto the simple fact that she was alive and held onto that for dear life.

No, she wasn’t just alive. They were alive; Felicity and his baby. They were safe and whole and right there on the table, but there was nothing he could do about it; Felicity got hurt again because of him. The life that Oliver wanted was literally right in front of him and he couldn’t have it.

She was pregnant. She was pregnant with his child, his baby, their baby. Oliver was going to be a father. For a moment, for a singular second his heart soared, because he wanted this so badly. He wanted three am feedings and Saturday morning breakfasts and PTA meetings and soccer practice and he wanted it all with Felicity. He wanted the family they’d created together.

But, just as quickly as his heart soared with joy, it crashed out of his chest and onto the floor because he realized that dream could never become a reality. The life he led was too dangerous, there was no way he could inflict that life on a child. What kind of father could he possibly be if he was out fighting bad guys at night instead of tucking his child into bed? How could he possibly guarantee their safety when he seemed so incapable of keeping Felicity out of harm's way? Oliver’s eyes scanned Felicity’s body, unable to move past the small bandage on her side.

Why hadn’t she told him? Why keep this a secret for so long? How long had she known? Was she afraid to tell him? Was she afraid of him or was she afraid of what Ra’s would do to her if he found out?

Ra’s. The sudden thought sent a chill down Oliver’s spine. What would he do to her if he knew about the baby? Would he hurt either of them? The thought was unacceptable to Oliver and a surge of protectiveness flowed through him more powerfully than he thought possible. Ra’s al Ghul would never get his hands on the baby, not while there was still breath left in Oliver's body to fight. And he would fight; he’d fight Ra’s to the death if it meant keeping them both safe.

But there was something else he had to do first.

Oliver turned to face the computer screens. Agony wrapped around his heart and held tight, because Oliver was about to do something he never ever thought he would do. He reached out and began typing on the keyboard, wishing he could find a better way to keep Felicity safe.

>>\-------->

When Felicity finally woke up it was with a violent start; her body shot up and a panicked hand flew to cover her stomach. She was disoriented and afraid, but it was Oliver’s voice that brought her back down to reality.

“Hey, shh, shh, shh…it’s okay.” He walked over to her, gently cupping her elbow “You’re both okay.”

Felicity froze for a moment as pure panic coursed through her body, gripping her like a vice. Her eyes flicked quickly down to her side where she could see the outline of a bandage taped over her ribs. He knew, Oliver finally knew and Felicity was too terrified to even look at him. Oh god, she thought, he must be so angry, or hurt, or disappointed, or hell a combination of all three. How could she possibly face him when he had to find out about his baby like this? Felicity’s heart was pounding so hard in her chest she found it difficult to catch her breath, but she knew she had to say something.

“You know, then.” She whispered, it hadn’t come out like a question the way she’d wanted it to.

Oliver took a step back from her, his blue eyes studying her face closely.

“Felicity—” He said roughly “Why didn’t you…How could you have—” He cut himself off; Felicity had never heard so much emotion in his voice before. He scrubbed a hand roughly over his face and turned away from her to rein in his emotions before speaking again. When he turned to look at her his face was stoic, almost cold and his voice was low. “You are no longer a member of this team.”

The words hit Felicity like a solid blow, air rushed out of her lungs like she’d been struck. In that moment her worst fear had been realized. Oliver turned away from her, unable to look her in the eye and instead focused his attention on the computer screen in front of him. “We’re going to relocate you, give you a new name and a new life. You’ll have no connection to Starling City, Oliver Queen, the League of Assassins or the Arrow. You’ll leave tomorrow; we’ll pack your belongings and send them along—”

“No.”

Felicity had heard enough.

She spoke confidently, despite the tears stinging her eyes. ”No, you don’t get to just kick me out of the team. You can’t just push me away and think that it’s going to keep me safe.”

He turned on her then “Felicity, I can’t do nothing!”

“Then don’t! But don’t for one second pretend that sending me away is the answer. Don’t you get it Oliver? You are my home. This place, this team, all of it is my life. I won’t stop just because you’ve shipped me off somewhere else. I’ll keep fighting Ra’s and I’ll keep doing this” She gestured toward her computers “But I’ll be doing it alone. I won’t have you or Diggle or Roy or Sara, I’ll be all by myself. This is my life” She repeated “And I’m never going to give it up. So if you think sending me away is going to keep me safe then you are wrong.”

Oliver’s eyes were dark and his whole body was tense and tight. He physically reacted to her words. When she spoke his fist clenched tightly at his side and his head dipped lower; he stayed silent for a long moment before he finally answered with a voice as cold and hard as steel.

“Felicity how could you even consider continuing to do what we do by yourself, don’t you have any idea what kind of danger it would put you and the baby in?”

“Hey” She replied, her voice matching his steely tone “Don’t you ever consider suggesting that I haven’t thought about this baby. This may be recent news for you, but I’ve had two months to think about what’s best for our child and sending me away on my own is not the answer!”

“Then what is the answer!” He yelled stepping closer to her “Because I’m at a loss Felicity. Ra’s al Ghul killed four innocent people as a warning because of my feelings for you! He tried to kill me tonight just to get to you and you don’t think he’s going to try something even worse the second he finds out about the baby? He’ll never give up trying to destroy us and I can’t—” He cut himself off in an attempt to rein in his emotions, but they were clearly visible on his face “I can’t lose you.” His voice was softer now “I won’t lose you. I don’t care what it takes.”

Felicity was surprised and slightly taken aback by his honesty, but she wasn’t backing down.

“What if you send me away and Ra’s still finds out? He’ll come after me and I’ll have no one to keep me safe.”

A pained looked crossed Oliver’s eyes and he backed away from her, eyes closed and rubbing his fingers together nervously.

“He won’t find out and even if he does you’ll be so far undercover he won’t be able to find you.”

“Oliver” She said softly. He opened his eyes and looked at her with desperation and fear pouring out of every inch of his body. “Even Sara couldn’t hide from him. He broke into my apartment once already and if he wants to find me, he’ll find me. The only thing we can do now is try to keep this a secret for as long as we can and when the time comes…” She reached forward and took his hand in her own, entwining her fingers with his “When the time comes we fight, but we do it together. All of us as a team; it’s our best chance.” She finally convinced herself to look up at him and when she did there were so many emotions on his face she couldn’t tell which was chief among them.

He said nothing; instead he reached for her and pulled her in close. He buried his face in her soft hair, wrapped his arms around her and let out a soft exhale. He wanted to tell her so many things; he wanted to ask so many questions. How was she feeling? Was the baby okay? Why didn’t she tell him about it? Was she scared? If she was, was she scared of him or Ra’s? Oliver wanted to tell her that he loved her, over and over again until she believed it. He wanted to tell her how happy this child made him, but also how scared. He wanted to tell her the truth, but the best he could do was gently brush his lips across her temple.

It felt as if Oliver’s life was built on a shaky foundation comprised of moments of weakness; cheating on Laurel, bringing Sara on the Gambit, losing his father, his mother, Tommy, killing Slade when he could have cured him…sleeping with Felicity. He wanted to believe in his soul that he’d changed, that he’d become a man who was capable of making the right choice, even if it was the difficult one, but as he held Felicity in his arms he knew he’d never be that man with her. She was his every strength and his every weakness wrapped into one person and he couldn’t separate the two when it came to her. He knew he should walk away, his body was screaming it at him down into the marrow of his bones ‘she’s not safe with you! Look what you’ve done to her so far; can’t you see the damage you’ve already caused? Walk away from this before you destroy her completely!’

But he couldn’t because it simply…wasn’t an option.

So he gave in to the weaker side of himself, the part of him he knew would consume her whole and shatter her to pieces if it was unleashed. He moved his lips from her temple and slowly brought them down along her cheek to kiss the corner of her mouth. It was light and small, but that one action caused something to splinter inside of him and suddenly he pulled her in close for a full kiss. His lips slanted over hers, gentle yet desperate at the same time as he allowed himself this one singular moment of happiness. Oliver reveled in the feeling of her soft lips moving against his and Felicity responded in full, grabbing his arm almost painfully, and pulling herself even closer to him. 

Oliver didn’t realize until he slowly pulled away from her that his hand had moved to cover her swollen stomach. His large palm was flat across the slight bulge in her shirt and he couldn’t believe that he’d never noticed it before. It was so slight; a tiny protrusion on Felicity’s small frame and Oliver was amazed at how fragile it felt beneath his hand. His breathing was uneven and his eyes were haunted when he looked down at her.

“I can’t lose you.” Was all he said; he leaned in once as if he were about to kiss her again, making Felicity’s heart jump into her throat, before he changed his mind and took a step back while he let his hand fall from her stomach slowly. For the brief moment before he turned on his heel Felicity caught a look at his face but his expression was impassive.

Felicity stood in the foundry with her arms wrapped around herself and watched as Oliver walked away from her. The only thought in her mind was that she could still feel the warmth of his hand on her stomach long after he was out of sight.


	8. A Promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a mini (very mini) bonus chapter as a thank you for all the kind comments, bookmarks and kudos! This fic has reached over 500 kudos!!! I'm absolutely stunned and grateful to everyone who has taken the time to read this. This chapter acts as a sort of emotional bridge between the last chapter and the next, so I thought it was fitting to post as the Thank You mini chapter. Enjoy!

By the time Felicity got back to her apartment it felt as if a dam finally broke within her and all of the fear and sadness she’d clung to for the last 8 weeks came rushing out of her body. The moment she’d been dreading, practically refusing to think about, finally happened. Oliver knew. He finally found out the truth.

And Felicity was pissed.

She was pissed because of his reaction and she was pissed because for once she wanted him to stop dangling possibilities in front of her; his behavior was infuriating, upsetting, confusing and irritating, to say the least. First he tried to send her away, made her feel unwanted and then he kissed her? What did it mean, what did he want from her?

Felicity threw her purse on the couch and sighed. Oliver Queen was the master of mixed signals.

She took off her shoes and moved across the apartment to put on a pot of hot water. It had begun to rain about halfway through her drive home and the damp air set a chill into her bones she couldn’t seem to shake. She was about to set the pot on the stove when she heard a knock at her door.

Fear shot through her for a moment, before she remembered that assassins didn’t tend to knock. She was probably safe to answer her front door, she reasoned.

When she did, she was surprised to see Oliver standing on her front porch, hair wet from the rain. His face was pained and he stayed silent for a long moment before speaking.

“You deserve better than me.”

It was a hell of a way to start a conversation and Felicity’s eyebrows shot up, but her hand remained where it was on the door, holding it open, but not letting Oliver in “Is that all you came to tell me?” she asked in a steely tone.

She then moved her arm to shut the door, but Oliver reached out and stopped her.

“No” he said quietly “Can we talk?”

Nothing good ever followed those words and Felicity seriously considered saying no, but she knew in her heart that wasn’t an option, this was Oliver. So instead, she nodded slowly, just once, and moved out of the doorway.

Once inside Oliver shoved his hands into his pockets and looked around, as if he was suddenly unsure of himself.

“I’m sorry Felicity” he began “I was so worried tonight about trying to protect you that I didn’t stop to think about how you might be feeling…about all of this.” His eyes moved down to her stomach “I don’t…even know what you want.” he whispered.

“What I want?” She asked, the anger still simmering inside of her. Her hand moved to cover her stomach before she replied “What I want is to feel safe, Oliver. What I want is for Ra’s al Ghul, my _father_ , to stop hunting me and what I want is for things to be normal again, even if it’s our crazy messed up version of it.” Her voice got softer as the anger began to dissipate “What I want is for you to stop pushing me away.”

Oliver shifted slightly where he stood, but said nothing.

“You said that you were too afraid to lose me” Felicity challenged “But did it ever occur to you that sending me away accomplishes exactly that?”

“You’re right” At first Oliver didn’t look at her when he spoke, his eyes were distant and unfocused and his voice was slow “I was scared, Felicity. I needed so badly to find a way to protect you” His eyes flicked over to her stomach “both of you” He continued “that I was willing to force you out of my life. But I was wrong, I know that now and I’m sorry that I hurt you.” He moved slowly toward her as he spoke, eventually reaching his hand out to gently rest on her stomach “You have to understand though that the thought of anything happening to you two is…I can’t handle it. I can’t even fathom it. I don’t know how to stop wanting to protect you.” His hand had moved from her stomach to cup the side of her face.

Felicity reached her hand up to cover his, her anger replaced with…something else “I don’t want you to. I just want you to stop making decisions for me. We’re a team, okay?”

Oliver’s eyes were honest and sincere when he nodded “Okay” He agreed.

He pulled Felicity in close and she buried her face in his chest, breathing in the scent of him. “Promise me” she whispered.

When he spoke she felt the words rumble through his chest

“I promise”.


	9. Safe House

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and thank you for your patience with my updates! I've been sick lately and my schedule continues to get busier and busier so I really appreciate that everyone's been understanding and patient about updates.  
> The response to the last mini chapter was better than I expected and I'm so glad people seemed to enjoy it. I hope you like where this chapter goes as well!  
> Thank you again to everyone who left kudos and comments, and I apologize if I didn't reply to anyone I try to get to them all! Anyway, please enjoy!

Felicity missed choices. She missed when she had been given options and she missed making decisions. The last few weeks felt like she’d been hurtling through her life while everyone around her made all the choices. She felt like her life was spiraling out of control and she couldn’t do anything about it. Which was why, when Oliver and Diggle insisted on having Lyla set her up in an ARGUS safe house, Felicity finally put her foot down. She argued that she was no safer there than in her own apartment and if Ra’s wanted her he’d find her. So she told them that there was no point in moving her somewhere else.

Of course, Felicity had forgotten one crucial detail and it was that there was no one in the world more stubborn than Oliver Goddamn Jonas Queen.

The stress of her rapidly approaching meeting with Ra’s coupled with the emotions brought on by her pregnancy led to Felicity finally taking her frustration out on Oliver, loudly. Felicity was just so _tired_ of Oliver making decisions without her and she finally let him know it, but instead of reacting with anger or frustration, Oliver took the brunt of her irritation with a steady, quiet patience, and when she’d finally said her piece she looked to Oliver for a response.

He just leveled her with a desperate gaze and said “Please”.

Just once; quietly and without pretense or preamble the word left his mouth. Felicity knew she was done arguing because she couldn’t deny Oliver, not when he was looking at her like that and not when all he was doing was trying to keep her safe. So, she let out a frustrated sigh, picked up her purse and said okay, before following him out of the foundry.

She moved into the safe house that night.

>>\-------->

The next day Felicity went to the doctor’s office for a checkup. The whole experience was mostly a blur and all she could really remember was thinking about how the false cheeriness of the waiting area contrasted so sharply with the sterile examination room and for some reason her mind zeroed in on that while she waited for the doctor. Then, suddenly, Felicity was being asked questions she didn’t know the answer to; questions about the baby’s father and his family health and his medical history. Felicity stammered her way through an answer, wishing she’d had the forethought to talk to Oliver before she came here.

She had considered telling him about the appointment, but every time she went to do it something stopped her. A voice in her mind kept reminding her that you can’t lose what you don’t have, so she kept quiet. She realized she wasn’t ready to bring Oliver into this yet, because she couldn’t bear it if he walked away.

And he had a bad habit of walking away from her.

Felicity’s mind snapped back to reality when the doctor began the ultrasound. She heard the steady thrum of her baby’s heartbeat for the first time and, suddenly, there was nothing and no one else in the entire world that mattered. Hearing that sound was like nothing she’d ever experience before in her life. There was nothing that could have prepared her for the moment and she was still in a daze when she walked into the safe house an hour later, clutching a picture of the ultrasound in her hand. She’d hardly even noticed when it began to rain halfway through her drive home, so she walked into the safe house, hair damp from the rain, still looking down at the ultrasound picture.

As Felicity stared down at the photograph in her hands her eyes zeroed in on the small shape in the center. She sat on the couch and just stared at the picture of her baby, her incredible, tiny, perfect baby. However, after a few moments she felt her hands begin to shake, because she was suddenly overwhelmed as a flood of emotions poured through her and she stood up from the couch to pace around the room. Her mind flipped from excited to terrified like it was on a never ending rollercoaster of emotional turmoil. The endless echoes of ‘I want this’ followed by ‘I’m scared of this’ were starting drown out all other thoughts.

The rain began to beat against the window in a relentless rhythm, the sound echoing around the room as Felicity paced in circles.

Just as the panic was about to overwhelm her, Felicity heard a knock at the door followed by Diggle’s voice.

“Felicity, open up. I brought dinner.”

Felicity crossed the room and, out of habit, checked the peep hole in the door before answering. Diggle stood in the doorway holding a large brown bag.

Felicity yanked the door open.

“Please tell me that bag is holding a Belly Buster Burger with extra fries.”

The corners of Diggle’s mouth twitched “Can I come inside before I answer that?”

Felicity groaned, but relented and moved out of the doorway “That’s not promising” she replied.

Diggle walked inside and set the bag on the table before he began to unpack Tupperware containers. Felicity could see through the clear plastic and what she saw looked decidedly not like Big Belly Burger.

“Lyla sent this over” Diggle explained “It’s supposed to be good for you and the baby.”

Felicity wrapped her arms around herself and crossed the room. She began taking the lids off the containers to peek inside and, while it wasn’t exactly the greasy fast food she’d been hoping for, it all looked and smelled incredible.

“John” Felicity breathed “You guys didn’t have to do this.”

“We wanted to” he replied. He grabbed a few of the containers and began to make up a plate of food. “To be honest” he said placing it in the microwave “We’ve all been a bit worried about you for the last few weeks.”

Felicity wasn’t sure what to say, so she absently played with the plastic edge of a nearby container before responding “I’m fine.”

Diggle leveled her with that stare of his, the one that let her know he wasn’t falling for her bullshit. “You and I both know that fine is the furthest thing from what you are right now.”

Felicity’s head tilted as she met his gaze “What does that mean?”

“It means you’ve had a tough go of things lately.”

“John, really, I’m alright. Yes, things have been hard lately, but it’s not exactly like I’m one bad day away from a breakdown or anything. I can handle it.”

The microwave’s shrill beep broke through the air. Diggle reached in and pulled out the plate of food before sliding it across the table in front of Felicity.

“What I think" He began "Is that you’ve had more life changing news dropped into your lap in the last month than any one person has a right to deal with. I think that you and I both know it’s going to get worse before it gets better and I think that, somehow, you haven’t figured out that you’re not alone yet.” He placed a fork next to her plate “Eat” He commanded as he sat across from her.

Felicity relented and she distractedly picked up the fork while she processed what he said. The last part struck a chord. You’re not alone. The words stuck in her mind and it felt like they were bouncing back and forth around her brain. Even as she ate her food it felt like she couldn’t shake what he said.

They were echoes of the same words she’d said to Oliver, almost a lifetime ago, and it’s what she tried to tell him the night he found out about the baby. She wanted him to know that she, Diggle, Roy, Sara and Oliver, they were all a team. They were stronger together, as a single, solid, functioning unit. So, maybe Diggle was right, maybe together they could fight Ra’s. Maybe she really wasn’t alone in all this.

“You’re right, John” Felicity admitted softly “About everything. You’re right.”

Diggle nodded and reached out to cover Felicity’s small hand with his own “We’re all going to do whatever we can to keep you safe, Felicity, that much I can promise.” He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze before pulling his arm back. “Besides,” He continued, now with a wicked gleam in his eye “We’ve got to get you through this because I want to meet that kid of yours and I have a feeling that if he or she turns out to be anything like Oliver, we're all in for a whole mess of trouble.”

Felicity groaned slightly, but she found herself laughing. Dig was right, if this kid inherited even one ounce of Oliver’s penchant for getting himself into trouble he or she was going to be a real handful.

“Oh!” she exclaimed suddenly “I had an ultrasound today” She grabbed the ultrasound photo and slid it over to him. Diggle picked the picture up and looked at it while Felicity kept talking “And I got a clean bill of health. In fact, the baby is A-Okay, totally normal and healthy and—what? Why are you looking at me like that?”

Diggle’s face had grown serious while Felicity spoke and the warmth in his eyes dimmed ever so slightly.

“Felicity, you should really be telling all of this to Oliver, not me.” He said.

Felicity took a moment before responding “Well, Oliver isn’t here right now.” She stated “You are.”

Diggle sighed and put the picture down on the table, drumming his hands along the surface before speaking. “Look, I know he has a funny way of showing it, but Oliver cares about you and the baby a lot and seeing this” he pointed to the ultrasound photo “And hearing about your appointment, trust me Felicity, it would mean everything to him.”

A wave of guilt crashed over Felicity, destroying her previous excitement, because she knew that Diggle was right. She dropped her head down and her fingers nervously tapped against her leg, because she also knew that it was finally time to give voice to one of her fears.

“I can’t let him into this and watch him walk away again, Dig, I just…can’t. I won’t do it.”

“Felicity, when have you ever known Oliver to abandon his family?”

“But that’s just it!” Felicity exclaimed, standing up “I’m not Oliver’s family, not really. He chooses the mission first, always. It’s _never_ me. Oliver has made it very clear that whatever there is between us, he wants nothing to do with it.”

Diggle stood up to face her “Is that what you think?” He crossed his arms and shook his head “Felicity, I have watched that boy kill himself for the last two months over you. I don’t think he’s slept since the night at the warehouse and I _know_ he hasn’t since he found out about the baby. You’re all he thinks about and keeping you safe is the only thing that matters. Do you honestly believe that despite all of that, he doesn’t want to be with you?”

Felicity felt shaky and her voice was unsteady when she answered “If he wanted to be with me, he’d be with me. It’s that simple.”

“Nothing is that simple” Diggle replied as he moved toward her “And if Oliver were given the choice again, he’d choose you.”

“Are those your words or his?”

“It’s just the truth, Felicity” Diggle said as he gently squeezed her shoulder “You should get some rest.” He moved away from her and headed toward the door “Good night, Felicity” Diggle called out as he shut the door.

Felicity called out a daze goodbye as she tried to process everything Diggle said to her. Then, without putting too much thought into it, she picked up her phone and called the first number on her speed dial.

It rang once before his voice cut through the line “Felicity is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine” She reassured hoping her voice sounded steady “But I have something to show you.”

>>\-------->

Oliver managed to make it over to the safe house faster than Felicity thought was possible. His hair was damp when she opened the door and she wondered for a moment if he even bothered to put a helmet on before he rushed over there.

“Felicity, are you sure everything is okay?” He asked as his eyes searched her face.

“What?” She asked, startled back into reality “Oh, yes, yeah, everything’s fine.” She moved out of the doorway to let him in “Come in, I have something I want to show you.”

She turned her back and walked over to the table without checking to see if Oliver followed, but  knowing anyway that he did, and picked up the ultrasound photo where Dig had left it earlier.

She turned around and held the picture out to Oliver “I went to the doctor today” She said by way of explanation.

Oliver looked at her for a moment before reaching out to take the picture. He held it between his hands before he finally realized what she’d handed to him. Oliver stared down at the photo as if it were the single greatest thing he’d ever seen in his life. He took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair as he looked at the picture with laser like focus. All of a sudden a full, wide smile broke out across his face before he looked up at Felicity. She found herself smiling in return, because in that moment she knew exactly how Oliver felt. He shook his head slightly as if in disbelief “It’s perfect” he said looking down at the photo once more. He looked at her again, his eyes filled with something Felicity couldn’t identify “Thank you” he whispered before he reached forward and pulled her into a tight hug and buried his face in her hair “Thank you” he repeated.

Felicity felt his breath coast along her neck as he spoke and all she could do was nod. She took a moment to breathe and just appreciate being so close to him once again. When they pulled away she pointed to the picture still in his hand “You can keep that, by the way” She informed him “I have another”

The corners of Oliver’s mouth twitched in a smile and he nodded in appreciation. Then his eyes moved down to her stomach, which was only just slightly swollen beneath her tank top. “And did the doctor say…I mean, is everything…?”

“Everything is fine.” She confirmed “I got a clean bill of health. The baby is growing normally, the ultrasound looked good, and everything’s alright.”

Oliver noticeably relaxed when she spoke and Felicity could see his shoulders lose some of their tension.

“Good” He replied.

Felicity waited a moment before speaking again.

“You know,” she began hesitantly, unsure if she should follow this line of questioning or not. However, his response to the ultrasound had instilled her with confidence, so she continued “You asked me what I wanted with all of this, but I still don’t know what it is that you want.”

Oliver looked down at the picture in his hands and he took a long time to respond. So long that Felicity began to grow uncomfortable and she’d almost decided she didn’t want to know the answer when he finally spoke.

“I want this.”

The words came out of his mouth and Felicity felt her heart stop and her breath catch in her throat.

“I know it’s stupid and it’s selfish” he continued “But I want this, all of it, with you.” His eyes flicked up from the photo to her and Felicity was overwhelmed by the love she saw shining through them.

She didn’t think, she just reacted as she took two steps to close the distance between them and pulled him into a kiss. This one wasn’t desperate, rough or raw; instead it was tender, sweet and filled with an honesty that had been missing between them for too long. Felicity clutched onto Oliver’s shirt as he kissed her back and reveled in the feeling of a kiss that, for once, didn’t feel like a goodbye.

When they finally pulled apart she kept her head bent just below his chin as she spoke “I want this too.”

Oliver nodded and looked down at her with a smile that sent warmth straight down Felicity’s spine and into her toes.

“Good” he repeated gently as he leaned forward to press a kiss to her forehead.

As Felicity stood there with Oliver’s lips pressed to her forehead she was suddenly very grateful that she took Diggle’s advice.


	10. 24 Hours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day!  
> Thank you to everyone who left kudos and comments on the last chapter, as always they are very appreciated!  
> Also, thanks for being patient with updates and please enjoy this chapter!!

You never realize how noisy your life is until you hear true silence for the first time. Oliver could remember that the first few nights on the island all he could focus on was how _quiet_ everything was. There was no electrical buzz in the air, no car horns, no other voices, nothing, just stillness. He’d like to think he’d learned to accept that silence, to meditate on it, and to search within himself to find that stillness once again in times of turmoil.

But that was a lie.

Because, to wait patiently, to sit still, and to calmly watch your life move around you while you remain motionless requires a degree of certainty and self-control that Oliver Queen simply didn’t have. His self-control was hard earned, and when it came to Felicity, it was limited. And certainty was something that had been lacking in his life for almost 8 years.

So, when he stood by the window in the ARGUS safe house with his fingers rubbing together nervously at his side, he desperately wanted to take action, any kind of action, because waiting patiently like this was worse than torture. It was agonizing and he’d never been good at it. He wanted to put on the hood, to go outside and to hit something, anything, a thug or a thief or even a wall, because this…this waiting, it was something he couldn’t do.

But, he’d do it for her. He _was_ doing it for her. His head turned to look toward where Felicity was in the bathroom getting ready for bed. Oliver just stood still in the living room, waiting, and he could see the soft light from the cracked doorway. It cast a pale yellow glow on the opposite wall, a hazy glow to remind him that she was inside. She was there, safe, real and whole. She was alive.

She was due to meet with Ra’s in just under 24 hours and, the knowledge that she might not be any of those things afterwards caused ice to settle in his gut. A cold chill crept up his spine and sent him pacing around the room.

Felicity walked out of the bathroom and tugged her hair out of the ponytail, letting the blonde waves fall across her shoulders.

“I don’t think ARGUS would appreciate you trying to walk a hole through their floor.” Felicity observed. “Which you will do if you keep pacing like that.” 

Oliver stopped moving and looked at her and what he saw made his breath catch in his throat. Her blonde hair fell in soft waves across her shoulders and her pajama shorts revealed a long expanse of shapely leg. However, it was the tank top, tight enough to reveal the small bulge in her stomach that drew him up short. The change was subtle, very subtle and he only really noticed it when she turned to the side, but the curve of her body that he’d grown used to over the last three years was different; where her back curved in, her stomach now ever so slightly curved out to match.

Not for the first time, the reality that she was pregnant with his child caused all the air to rush from his lungs in a single burst. The sheer want that filled his body surprised even him and threatened to overwhelm his senses. His eyes moved down her form to focus with laser like intensity on her stomach.

Felicity’s brows furrowed in confusion for a moment before she realized where his eyes landed.

The soft “oh” that came from her pale lips was breathy and small.

Oliver crossed the distance between them in two steps effectively eliminating anything close to personal space. His breathing was tightly controlled, but his eyes were wild and desperate, revealing his emotions more than any words could.

He needed her to be safe. Because he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t live, couldn’t _function_ unless he knew that she was out of danger and right now there were too many variables to know for sure. He felt like a fraying piece of string about to snap at any moment and fly apart.

Before he could say anything, Felicity reached up to cup his cheek with her hand and her thumb moved gently back and forth over his skin. “I’ll be okay” She told him softly.

“I can’t leave anything to chance, Felicity. Not with—”

“I know” Her voice was soft, but sure.

Before he spoke, he shook his head slightly in a way that Felicity had come to recognize over the last few years as Oliver’s quiet ‘I love you’.

“I need to know that he can’t get you. I need to be certain that you won’t get hurt. I need to protect you, Felicity.”

A small smile ghosted across her face before she spoke “I know, it’s one of the things that I love and hate about you.”

As soon as the words left her mouth she froze. He did as well. They’d said it in every way imaginable over the last three years. They’d said it with a ruse, and they’d said it backwards, but they’d never said it straight. Felicity’s heart began to race in her chest and she shook her head slightly before speaking again.

“Come on, you need to rest. I’d rather not have you sleep deprived tomorrow night, it’s kind of a big day.”

Oliver opened his mouth, clearly to protest, but Felicity cut him off before he could speak.

“No” she said “No excuses. Digg is on guard duty tonight, not you.”

She took his large hand in her own and tugged him after her into the bedroom. She walked around the bed and pulled back the covers before she looked at him pointedly “Get in” she commanded with as much authority as she could manage.

Before she could think too much about what she was doing she walked around to the other side of the bed and crawled under the covers.

There were a few second where Felicity just sat in the bed, staring at Oliver and silently daring him not to do as she’d said. It was a battle of wills and, this time, Felicity won.

Oliver let out a sigh before tugging the shirt over his head.  A smile crossed Felicity’s face that she wished had more to do with winning and less to do with the sight of a shirtless Oliver at the foot of her bed.

When he stripped down to his boxer briefs Felicity felt her mouth go dry. Her smile was now gone and it was everything she could do not to stare at him wide eyed and open mouthed. She looked down at her hands and she could already feel the flush creeping up her cheeks. For better or worse everything she felt showed clearly on her face. So, it was for that reason that the corners of Oliver’s mouth twitched up in a small smile as he crawled into the empty side of the bed.

He wasted no time in reaching across the empty expanse of bed to pull her back against him. Her body curled instinctively against his, filling in his negative space as she formed her body to his. Impulsively, Oliver’s hand moved around to slide just under her tank top and rest on top of the small bump he found there. He stroked his thumb gently across her skin while he held his breath and waited for her to respond. When she did it was with a soft hum of approval as her body settled impossibly closer to his.

The intimacy of this moment was different than anything they’d shared before. The night they’d slept together everything had been rough and desperate. It was about fighting their way back to one another and everything happened so fast that there wasn’t time to really think about what they were doing. This, however, was different. This was deliberate. This time, they were choosing each other.

As Felicity laid in bed with Oliver’s solid warmth pressed against her back she realized that, for once, he was actually choosing _her_. She bit her lip to keep the tears from springing to her eyes, because it felt so good and so right to have his warmth wrapped around her body. The gentle strokes of his thumb along her stomach were comforting and for the first time in months she felt safe.

He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the side of her head “Good night, Felicity” He whispered.

With her heart suddenly pounding in her ears, Felicity whispered good night back.

She fell asleep not long after.

>>\-------->

Oliver couldn’t sleep. There was no way he’d be able to let his guard down and actually rest, even with Digg on guard duty outside. So, instead of sleeping he just held Felicity close to him and focused on the steady rise and fall of her breathing. For hours, he just felt her gently breathe in and out in a steady unchanging rhythm.

Which was why he knew immediately when she was having a nightmare. Her breathing grew shallow and she started to make soft, distressed noises. Oliver looked down at her in concern and he could see a small crease forming between her brows. Suddenly, she let out a sort of half cry half whimper before gripping the bedding tightly in her fist. Oliver rubbed his hand gently along her arm, unsure if he should wake her or not. But, before he could make his decision, Felicity began to scream his name and thrash her arms.

Oliver caught her arms in his hands easily enough, but he wasn’t sure how to wake her without frightening her more. “Felicity” He whispered “Hey, hey, it’s okay” He ran his hands along her arm in an attempt to reassure her. Before long, he could feel her slowly begin to wake beneath him. “It’s okay, you’re safe. It was just a bad dream.”

She sat up a bit and her eyelids fluttered slightly before opening slowly. “Oliver?” She asked, clearly disoriented.

His hand moved along her arm to stroke a gentle path up and down her back “I’m here. It’s alright Felicity; you’re safe, it was just a bad dream.”

Suddenly, as if a veil had been lifted, Felicity’s eyes snapped wide open and she looked at Oliver with a mix of panic and relief. She called out his name once before reaching forward and wrapping her arms tightly around his neck.

“He killed you” She whispered into his neck “Oh god, Oliver. I watched him kill you and there was nothing I could do and I was so scared and I had to just stand there and watch you die and I—”

“Hey, hey” Oliver cut her off gently “It wasn’t real. It was just a dream.”

“But what if it happens?” She asked weakly “What if he goes after you? What if he goes after the people I care about because I won’t join him?” She pulled back and looked at him, tears filling her eyes “Oliver, what if he finds out about the baby?”

A low sound, almost a growl, came from deep in his chest at the thought. “We won’t let it get that far.” Oliver said. “I promise Felicity, we’re not going to let him hurt you.”

Felicity reached out and took Oliver’s hand in her own “What if it’s not me I’m worried about?”

Oliver looked at her for a long moment before he took his hand from hers and used it to gently stoke a path along her cheek down to her chin. He held her face in his hand and leaned forward slowly, almost tentatively, to plant a gentle kiss on her lips. The kiss was chaste and sweet and meant to reassure and when he pulled away he kept his forehead pressed to hers, grateful for a moment to just breathe her in and feel her in his arms.

Finally, after a long moment of silence, Oliver spoke “Go back to sleep” he whispered. A small smile tugged at his lips “I’d rather not have you sleep deprived tomorrow night” He said “it’s kind of a big day.” He finished, quoting her.

A watery smile crossed her face and she nodded without saying a word. Instead, she curled herself around his body and rested her head on his chest.

 This time when she fell asleep the nightmares were kept at bay.

>>\-------->

When Felicity woke to an empty bed and the first coherent thought that entered her mind was ‘not again’.

Then the sound of Oliver in the living room registered with her and she sat up in the bed. She pulled the covers off of herself and swung her legs over the side of the mattress. The cold of the wood floor was a small shock and she felt her toes curl slightly as she stood to leave the room.

Felicity opened the bedroom door and saw Oliver in the living room packing the gear bag he brought the night before. His body was tense and his face was hard as he concentrated on his task. He looked up as soon as he heard Felicity and his features immediately softened.

“Hey” he said softly

Felicity crossed her arms over her chest as she stood in the doorway. “You’re leaving.”

He nodded once “I have a few things I want to do to prepare for tonight.” He said while zipping the bag shut. He then put it down and moved toward her “But, I’ll be back at the foundry before you leave.”

Felicity nodded her head “What kind of things are you going to do?” she asked.

Oliver moved forward and his eyes flicked down to hers before speaking “I’m going to go take a look at the location again, just to make sure there are no surprises.” Before she could say anything he leaned forward and planted a kiss on her cheek “Diggle’s outside. He’ll take you to the foundry whenever you’re ready.”

With that, he turned around, picked up his bag and walked out of the room.

Felicity stood there for a moment and let her arms fall to her side. She bit her lip slightly before shaking her head and turning back around to walk into the bedroom. There was no use in overthinking Oliver’s behavior.

Besides, as she stood in front of the closet, she realized she had another problem. What were you supposed wear to a meeting with your estranged assassin father? There weren’t exactly any style guides for that. Felicity flicked through the few items of clothing she’d brought from her apartment and realized that none of her pants or skirts fit very well anymore. In the end she selected a fairly loose grey dress that hid her stomach and paired it with sensible flat boots.

It wasn’t long before she was sliding into the front seat of Diggle’s car and heading to the foundry.

>>\-------->

Roy and Sara were waiting at the bottom of the stairs when Diggle and Felicity arrived at the foundry.

“Where’s Oliver?” Roy asked as they made their way down the stairs.

“He said he wanted to go check out the location again.” Felicity replied.

Roy looked confused and Sara looked unsurprised.

“But Oliver and I were just there yesterday” Roy stated.

It was Sara who replied “He’s not leaving anything to chance. Not when it comes to her” She glanced in Felicity’s direction with a small, friendly smile.

Felicity ignored the way the words sat heavy in her stomach.

“So what’s the plan then?” Roy continued “Is Felicity supposed to just walk in and say ‘thanks for the offer, Dad, but I don’t want to join your league of assholes’?” He turned his head suddenly in Sara’s direction “No offense” he added.

Sara shrugged “None taken. But” She continued “The plan is to wait and strike at the right moment.”

“Tell me it’s more specific than that.” Roy said, placing his hands on the long metal table “I mean, what’s to stop Ra’s from sending 50 assassins to kill us all the moment Felicity says no?”

“Honor” Sara replied “Ra’s lives by a strict code and he’ll honor that code.” She crossed her arms in front of her “Besides, he’ll only bring a few people tonight. He won’t want to risk having the whole League see him potentially rejected by his own daughter. He’ll want to maintain an air of unquestioned authority, so, I don’t think there will be more than three or four people there.”

It was Felicity’s turn to finally speak “And what am I supposed to do?”

“Convince him you won’t be any use to the League.” Sara said “He wants you to join because he knows what you can do. So, make him see that you’re more useful in Starling than you are to him.”

Felicity nodded her head but said nothing. She wasn’t even remotely sure how to do that.

“And” Sara continued “When the moment is right, the four of us will strike.”

Felicity opened her mouth to reply, to protest that plan. As much as she wanted to end everything with Ra’s, she was terrified that he would hurt one of them just to get to her. If one of them got hurt because of her….she’d never forgive herself.

Diggle cut her off before she could speak “I know that look, Felicity. Don’t even think about suggesting that we stay behind. There’s no way in hell any of us are letting you go out there alone.” He put his hand on her arm “We’re in this together.”

Felicity looked around the room and saw three of the bravest people she’d ever known staring at her with determination. She nodded her head as she looked at each of them.

“Thank you” she whispered.

>>\-------->

Felicity’s heart pounded almost painfully in her chest the entire way to the location. She held the note in her hand, the one that had the time and location of the meeting, and the paper was now crumpled from being held so tightly in her fist. She found it hard to draw in a full breath and she tried not the think about the way her hands were shaking slightly.

The sound of her boots clapping and echoing around the large, empty warehouse snapped her back to reality. The room was dark; almost pitch black, except for a single light hanging dimly in the center of the ceiling.

There was a crackling sound and Oliver’s voice filtered into her ear “I don’t see anyone yet.”

“Me neither” came Sara’s reply.

Felicity’s eyes scanned the room, but she saw no signs of anyone, including Oliver and Sara.

She took one long, deep breath before she called out into the shadows.

“Hello?” She took a tentative step forward “Is anyone there?”

She thought she saw a flash of movement to her left and she spun her body around to look, but she saw no one. “Is someone there?” She asked. She began to turn around slowly, searching the room for any sign of Ra’s, Nyssa or…anyone.

“Felicity, are you alright?” Oliver’s voice once again filled her ears “What did you see?”

“I don’t know” She said quietly. She waited for a moment before calling out again. “I’m here, okay? I came to meet with Ra’s. If there’s anyone out there, now would be the time to—”

She never got to finish her sentence. Suddenly, someone came up from behind her and grabbed her in their arms. A blindfold and a sharp prick in her neck caused her entire world to go dark.

She collapsed almost immediately.

>>\-------->

Waking up was painful. Her body felt heavy and there was a dull ache in her neck that wouldn’t go away. As the blindfold was pulled off her head Felicity was able to take a look at her surroundings. Still dizzy, it was hard to get a good look at anything. But she could make out a cold marble floor, pillars, large sconces whose fire cast a flickering glow around the room…

And Ra’s al Ghul standing before her.


	11. Deal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm finally able to update! I'm sorry it took so long, but this past month was absolute insanity for me. I won't go into detail, but my usual level of craziness was cranked up to a whole new notch that I hope not to experience again for a very long time. Luckily, I was finally able to finish this chapter, so THANK YOU everyone for being so patient even with the cliffhanger from last chapter! I appreciate all the kudos and comments and I hope you like where this chapter goes. Enjoy!

Blinding terror is a curious thing. Real, true, heart pounding, body numbing, can’t see straight, afraid you’ll lose everything  _terror_  has a profound effect on a person. It can make you useless by shutting you down completely, or it can give you the strength to lift a car, or it can convince you to make a deal with the devil.

It can convince you give up everything on the off chance that maybe, just maybe you won’t lose the only thing that really matters.

Oliver felt that kind of terror the moment Felicity’s comm link cut out.

She’d been halfway through a sentence when her voice cut off and her comm link went dead.

Oliver didn’t think, he just leapt into action the second he knew that something was wrong. He knew from years of training that staying in the shadows was the safest move, that leaping out into the open was reckless, dangerous and could lead straight to his death.

But he wasn’t interested in making smart moves anymore. He was only interested in finding Felicity and making sure that she and the baby were safe. It was the only thing that mattered. They were the only things that mattered.

He hadn’t realized he’d been shouting Felicity’s name until Sara’s voice cut through the comms and made him stop. His throat was raw from yelling and his eyes still darted wildly around the room, even as Sara spoke.

“Oliver, listen to me you need to calm down”

“Sara don’t—” The words were forced out between clenched teeth.

“I know.” The voice on the other end of the link took a deep breath “Oliver I know, but standing there and screaming her name isn’t going to help. I’m just outside and I’ll be there in a second. Then we can start to figure out where they took her. We’ll find her Oliver, I promise.”

It took everything in Oliver’s body to stop him from rushing out of the room and chasing down the League members he knew were already long gone.

“Okay, I’ll wait” He said quietly “But then we go find her.”

>>\-------->

Felicity felt like she had a really bad hangover. Which was, she decided, incredibly unfair given her inability to drink any alcohol for the next several months; she got to feel all of the pain and have none of the fun. She blinked a few times and noticed that her head was throbbing and her limbs felt stiff when she tried to move them.

She took a sharp breath in as she tried to push herself off the floor and into a standing position. The whole time she moved she kept her eyes trained on Ra’s al Ghul who stood before her imposing in his height. It was a struggle to get herself to her feet, but the entire time she just kept her eyes locked with his. His face didn’t move, he didn’t reveal a single emotion; he just stood there and watched her.

The room was dim. The only light source came from sconces on the walls whose flame cast flickering, dancing shadows along the marbled surfaces. There was an air of elegance and superiority to the whole room, it felt quiet and grand.

Much like the man who stood before Felicity.

 She was shaking, when she spoke, though she tried her best to keep the fear out of her voice.

“I thought we were supposed to have a meeting.” She tilted her chin up slightly “Not a kidnapping.”

If Ra’s al Ghul was amused, he didn’t show it.

Instead, he motioned to one of the men who brought Felicity into the room and in a flash the ropes that had been tying her hands together were cut loose. The two men who brought her in then turned around and walked out through large, oak doors. The doors groaned shut behind them.

“I apologize,” Ra’s began. His voice thick, heavily accented and exactly the way Felicity remembered “If you were hurt on the way in here, it was not my intention. I merely wanted to ensure a private meeting.”

Felicity absently rubbed at her wrists where the ropes had left red, painful marks on her skin.

“So you drugged and kidnapped me?”

“You wouldn’t have come alone if I didn’t.” He countered “Your friends were in the warehouse and this was the only way to guarantee a chance to talk.”

Felicity wanted to argue, but he was right. She never would have agreed to meet with him alone unless she’d been physically force to do it. Which it seemed, she had.

Her lower lip trembled before she spoke “We have nothing to talk about.”

She stood fully upright after she said the words, and her head was held high as her hands were in fists at her side.

Ra’s al Ghul’s face changed for the first time since she’d set eyes on him. His stony, stoic expression shifted ever so slightly after she spoke. The corner of his mouth twitched.

“We have plenty to talk about.” He said, taking a single step toward her. “And all I ask is that you listen.” His hands were clasped in front of him where they came out of the sleeves of his long robes and his head tilted down ever so slightly to look her in the eye.

Felicity was struck hard with an image from her memory. An image of the man who, for a few short years, helped raise her. He used to give her the exact same look when she was a child; the long-suffering look of a man trying to put some sense into his young daughter. So, trying to combine the two images, the one from her past and the one in front of her was threatening to overwhelm her senses. He was so different now. Where he’d once been patient and kind he was now quiet and imposing.

He wasn’t the man she once knew. She needed to remember that. She needed to focus on that.

But she was scared and fine tremors ran through her body even as she stood tall before him.

However, he took her silence as tacit compliance and began to speak.

>>\-------->

The mere seconds it took for Sara to enter the room felt more like endless hours and Oliver couldn’t shake the feeling of a vicelike grip choking his throat and stealing the breathe straight from his lungs.

This wasn’t the plan. Felicity was never  _ever_  supposed to be alone with Ra’s. She wasn’t supposed to be in danger. He shouldn’t have let this happen. This was his fault. And now he needed to find her so he could fix it. So he could end this once and for all.

He’d stop Ra’s and he’d do whatever it took to make sure that Felicity walked out unscathed.

Oliver’s head whipped to the left as Sara walked into the room. The light from the hallway behind her elongated her shadow and for a moment before she entered the room she seemed like an impossibly tall and commanding creature of darkness. She stalked into the room with the grace and agility Oliver had come to know over the last year only to suddenly stop dead in her tracks just a few feet away from him.

Her whole body froze and every muscle instantly tensed.

Oliver didn’t need her to say anything. He knew what her actions meant. Danger.

He whipped around on his feet and simultaneously raised and drew his bow in one fluid, instinctual motion. His arrow pointed firmly at the dark haired woman who stood before him.

Nyssa al Ghul stood in front of him, still as a statue, with her chin held high and her face stoic. She wore a mask of indifference and it was held firmly in place, even as her eyes darted quickly to Sara before landing on Oliver.

“Mr. Queen. I was hoping I’d find you here.”

“Where is Felicity!” Oliver’s voice was rough and deep and he drew the bow string even tighter as he spoke.

Nyssa looked for all the world as if she were somewhere between bored and amused; as if the arrow pointed directly at her were merely an annoyance instead of a threat.

“She’s unhurt. My father merely wanted to ensure a private meeting with her.”

“Take me to her” Oliver commanded “Now”

Nyssa’s head shook once, before suddenly half a dozen heavily armed assassins rushed out of the shadows and into the room, surrounding both Sara and Oliver.

“I apologize” She began, drawing her sword and taking a step toward them “But I can’t do that. Not yet.”

The circle of assassins began to close in around the two vigilantes.

>>\-------->

“I was 11 years old” Ra’s began, turning his back on Felicity as he spoke “When I killed my first man. I remember the look on his face, when the light went out behind his eyes.” He looked down at his hands, poking out from the long sleeves of his robes “Such a sudden change, almost imperceptible, between life and death.” He paused ever so slightly before continuing “And I felt ashamed. I’d stolen from that man the most precious gift of all, life.” There was another pause, this one longer. Ra’s took in a deep breath before speaking again “But I also felt something else—pride, because I had taken up arms against someone who sought to do ill against my family. I realized that what I had done was necessary.”

He turned around to face Felicity again.

“You see, I had replaced evil with death and that” He nodded slightly “That is what the League exists to do. We are not, as I imagine you believe, evil people performing evil deeds. No, what we do is justice, we replace evil with death and the world is a better place for it.”

Felicity felt tears sting her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. Instead she clenched her jaw almost painfully while he spoke.

“When I left you and your mother years ago I thought it was to free you from this life. I thought I’d give you a chance at the life your mother always wanted for you. But when I heard how you’d grown. So smart, so capable, so much stronger than I ever thought you could be…I knew. I knew that you were destined for this life. Destined to be a part of something bigger than yourself. Destined to be a part of what I created.”

While he spoke she stood silent and refused to react to his words; until now, because suddenly this…this was too much.

“You kill people.” The words came out flat and hollow and without even half the venom she wanted them to.

“Yes” Ra’s replied “For the good of everyone I take away those who would threaten us. Those who would do harm to my family.”

“You murder people and call it justice, but they’re not the same thing. Killing a bad person still makes you a killer. There are other ways to find justice. So, why would I ever join you? I’ve spent the last three years trying to stop people from killing, trying to find another way. How could I ever be a part of what you’ve created?”

Tears were flowing down her cheeks now. Drops of water slipped from her eyes despite all her efforts to keep them at bay. Her mind flashed to Oliver, the man who had come so far. He’d stopped being a killer and learned to find another way to save his city. He learned to be a hero. How could she ever betray him, betray that choice by choosing to join the League? No matter what Ra’s offered it would never be enough.

She told him as much.

“There’s nothing you could offer that would make me agree to join you.”

Ra’s clasped his hands in front of him and bowed his head, shaking it back and forth.

“I’m sorry to hear that, I truly am.” He said, although, to Felicity, he sounded more disappointed than sorry, but she knew enough to keep her mouth shut. “But if there is nothing I can offer you,” He continued, lifting his head up to look past her “Perhaps I can persuade you instead.”

He nodded his head once to someone who must have been standing behind Felicity, because at that moment the large oak doors behind her groaned as they once again swung on their hinges.

A sense of dread crept up Felicity’s spine even before she turned around. Time seemed to slow as she turned to face what was before her. She was almost too afraid to look and she felt her eyes drag across the dark floor before finally raising to look at the doorway.

Her heart dropped into her stomach.

Nyssa walked into the room toward Ra’s with long, sure strides followed closely by two men dragging a man between them. A man with a blindfold over his eyes. A man dressed in all green.

“Oliver” Felicity breathed out, panic rising in her chest.

He must have heard her. Despite the noise from the two men holding him and how quiet she’d been he still must have heard her speak, because the second his name left her lips his entire body tensed. His head snapped up and his back straightened tight.

He looked over in her general direction as if desperate to hear her voice again, as if he hoped that sheer force of will would help him see through his blindfold.

Suddenly, the man to his right reached forward and pulled the blindfold off Oliver’s head. Oliver blinked rapidly a few times, unaccustomed to the sudden light and Felicity could see a cut along his cheek as he turned his head.

It only took a second for his eyes to search the room before landing on Felicity. She didn’t miss the momentary relief that flooded his features when his eyes met hers and she nodded once to let him know she was okay.

For now.

Ra’s cleared his throat once and nodded in Oliver’s direction before speaking “Good evening, Mr. Queen.” He said before his eyes flicked to the man standing by Oliver’s side. He spoke again “Sarab.”

The word was a name and a command.

Faster than Felicity could follow, the man pulled the sword from his side and swung it at Oliver’s throat, stopping mere inches away from the skin. The cry had barely left her lips before it was over and Oliver stood with the sword pressed against his neck. Felicity noticed that he hadn’t even flinched.

“Don’t do this.” She turned to Ra’s “You can’t do this” She wanted her voice to sound commanding, but instead it was wobbly and desperate.

“What you fail to understand” Ra’s began “Is why I am doing this. You’re valuable to me. I’ve seen what you can do first hand. You nearly hacked into our network and, had I not sent Sarab, you may have succeeded. You’ve grown into a remarkable young woman, Felicity. A daughter I can be proud of.”

Felicity’s brows drew together and, as much as she was afraid, she was also suddenly angry. “You have no right” she said stepping toward him “To be proud of me. You gave up any right to call me your daughter the moment you abandoned us.” Her eyes flicked to Nyssa for a moment where she stood in the back corner of the room staring at Felicity with an inscrutable look on her face. “But whatever this is,” Felicity continued, looking back at Ra’s “Whatever you want me for just leave Oliver out of it. Let him go.”

“I can’t do that” Ra’s replied “Not unless you agree to join us. There’s only one way you both walk out of here alive.”

When she spoke, Felicity’s voice was low and filled with hate “Killing him won’t make me join you.”

“It won’t,” He agreed “But it will show me your resolve.”

Felicity opened her mouth to reply when, suddenly, a voice came from the side of the room.

“Take me”

Oliver’s voice was deep and rough and it was the first time he'd spoken since they brought him in.

“Take me and let Felicity go.”

Felicity couldn’t tell if Ra’s looked surprised, amused or some strange combination of the two before he turned to faced Oliver.

“Now why would I choose you over my own daughter?”

Oliver’s arms were tied behind his back, but Sarab had released his hold which allowed him to take a step toward Ra’s. “Because I’m volunteering myself” Oliver told him calmly “And you’ve seen what I can do. And because I went back to the safe house this morning and, while Felicity couldn’t fully hack into the network, it doesn’t mean she did nothing. I was able to pull the names and locations of at least a dozen League members from your network. If Felicity doesn’t make it back to Starling city tonight I've given instructions that the information is to be released and you’ll have all of ARGUS hunting you down before sunrise.”

Ra's took a moment to let that information sink in, pausing before he spoke.

“And why would I let you, someone who threatens the League, live after telling me this?”

“Because you have no grounds to kill me, and you don’t believe in senseless killing.”

“You’re right.” Ra’s agreed, turning the full force of his steely gaze on Oliver “But you’ve endangered my people. You’ve admitted that you’re a potential threat.”

“Then don’t make me one.” Oliver’s voice was cold and hard and his chin tilted up ever so slightly before he spoke again “I can be an asset instead. Take me instead of Felicity. You let her go, then she’ll destroy the list and we’ll be even. You’ll have a new member of the League, like you wanted, and all of this will be over.”

Ra’s’ face was hard and impassive as he considered the offer.

Oliver spoke once again “She will never agree to join you. Even if you force her to, she’ll spend every moment of every day trying to escape, but I’m offering myself. I’m willing to swear allegiance in exchange for her freedom.” There was a long paused while Oliver waited “So,” He finally said “Do we have a deal?”

There was a long, tense silence where Ra’s considered the proposal. His face was impossible to read, but after a few tense seconds his head tilted to the side and the corners of his mouth ticked up.

He looked to Oliver “We have a deal.”

Felicity looked on in horror as the ropes tying Oliver’s hands were cut and he reached forward to shake Ra’s al Ghul’s hand.

Oh god.

The deal was done.

Oliver was leaving.

He was going to join the League in exchange for her.

She hadn’t realized she’d been screaming the word ‘No’ over and over again until, suddenly, a hand covered her mouth, stopping her voice. She felt the heavy presence of someone behind her and the tight grip of a hand on her arm.

“Take her back to Starling” Ra’s commanded “She’s to be let free.”

Oliver watched Felicity scream in protest as Nyssa dragged her out of the room. Felicity’s eyes, which were filled with anger, pain, and betrayal landed on him just before the large doors slammed shut.

Oliver felt a mixture of shock and numbness crawl into his gut.

Ra’s said nothing after that, he just gave Oliver one hard, long look before he turned and walked out of the room with his long robes trailing behind him.

Then it was just Oliver and Sarab left standing in the large, dimly lit room.

“You’re not officially part of the League yet.” Sarab began, wasting no time “You’ll have 12 hours to get your affairs in order and say goodbye to your old life before going to the designated location to be initiated. And Oliver” He said, his eyes flicking to the large oak doors “If I were you, I’d say goodbye to her last. When you try to leave nothing else will seem important and it will be best if you have everything else taken care of first.”

“Is that how it was with you and Tatsu?” Oliver asked.

Sarab’s face was hard and instead of responding, he just reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. “You’ll need to be here for initiation in 12 hours. So, I’d leave now to say your goodbyes if I were you.”

Oliver took the paper from him and held it in his hands.

12 hours.

He had 12 more hours before he left Starling, his team, his sister, Felicity forever.


	12. Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Before I say anything else I just want to mention that this chapter gets a little NSFW so...be warned.  
> Thank you to everyone who left kudos and wonderful comments on the last chapter, they were all very appreciated!  
> Anyway, I hope you like this chapter and please enjoy!

The first goodbye was the simplest.

Not because it was easy, God nothing could have been further from the truth, but because it was one sided. Oliver called Thea almost immediately after he got back to Starling city.

She didn’t pick up.

So he called her again, hoping that somehow she would sense his urgency and answer the phone.

She didn’t.

After the third call he relented and left her a voicemail. He couldn’t remember what he said; only that he needed her to know how much he loved her and that he hoped that wherever she was, she was happy.

The next goodbyes were harder. The first was to Diggle, his partner and brother and then to Roy, his apprentice.

He found them both in the foundry.

He walked down the stairs, half in a daze, and saw them both silently waiting for him.

He didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t even remotely sure how to begin, but Diggle, ever knowing, just stepped forward and shook Oliver’s hand.

“Take care of yourself, man.” He said and Oliver was grateful that he didn’t ask why he’d done what he’d done, or try to persuade him to stay. He just told him to be safe and that if there was any way to bring him home they would do it.

The two shared a brief hug before Oliver turned and addressed Roy.

“I need you to take care of Thea.” He said

Roy nodded his head “Of course.”

Oliver’s voice was quiet when he responded “Thank you.”

He stood there with his hands in his pockets, unsure of what to say next.

“You should get out of here” Diggle said “Go find Felicity, she deserves a goodbye.”

“You’re right” Oliver replied, although, he made no move to leave as fear and guilt settled low in his gut.

“Hey” Diggle said “There’s no plane of existence where she wouldn’t want to see you. Just go to her.”

Oliver nodded, letting his words sink in. He hoped Diggle was right. He turned to leave the foundry and was halfway up the steps when Diggle called out to him again.

“Oliver” He called. Oliver stopped in his tracks and turned to face him “We’ll keep them both safe until you come home.”

All the air left Oliver’s lungs and he nodded his head in appreciation before leaving the foundry.

>>\-------->

Felicity made her way back the safe house after she was unceremoniously dropped off in Starling city. It seemed the League of Assassins had no interest in seeing her safely home.

Which was fine by her.

Finally walking back into the safe house was like a weight being lifted off her chest. It wasn’t home, but it would do.

Besides, she didn’t plan on staying here very long, she needed to get to the foundry as quickly as possible. She was sure Diggle and Roy would be there and the three of them needed to figure out how to get Oliver back before it was too late. Felicity rushed into the living room and immediately reached for her tablet, shoving it into her purse. She turned to search for her backup hard drive when a figure in the shadows caught her attention.

All the air left her lungs when she realized who it was.

“Oliver!” She said, surprise and confusion clear in her voice, and she could feel her heart beating furiously in her chest. “What are you—”

He stepped out of the shadows and Felicity could see his face for the first time. The devastation on it was clear and in that moment she had her answer.

“Oh” she said swallowing hard “So you’re really doing it then? You’re really joining the League?” There was a coldness in her tone, a steely undercurrent that cut through her words and struck Oliver hard. He bristled slightly, shifting his feet and looking away before he finally responded.

“Felicity, I promised that I would keep you safe no matter what the cost. If this is what it takes then I’ll do it.”

Suddenly, pain and anger swirled together in Felicity’s stomach. Her chest felt tight as she tried to push her fury beneath the surface, but she could feel it stick in her throat.

“Do you remember,” She began “When just a few weeks ago we stood in my apartment and you promised, _promised_ that you would stop making decisions for me?”

“Felicity, this isn’t the same thing—”

“Of course it is!” She shouted, stepping closer to him “This is exactly the same thing. It’s just like when you tried to send me away the minute you found out that I was pregnant. Do you have any idea how much that hurt, Oliver? Oh, except this time instead of pushing me away you’re abandoning me; you’re running away from the team and the city and every principle you claimed to have in order to sacrifice yourself. How could you possibly think that I would be okay with this Oliver? You’re refusing to fight, you lied to me, you broke your promise, and what’s worse is that you decided all of this without even—”

“I didn’t know.” Oliver cut her off, his voice flat and almost cold.

Felicity paused for a moment, taken aback by his words “What?”

“I didn’t tell you about it because I didn’t know. I didn’t plan on offering myself to Ra’s.”

Felicity’s brow furrowed in confusion as her arms crossed in front of her “But…but you told Ra’s—”

“The list?” His head angled down to look her in the eye “It was a bluff, Felicity. When I told you this morning that I was going to go check out the location I meant it. I never went back to the safe house and I don’t have the names of anyone in the League. I lied. I just…I couldn’t watch him threaten you anymore.” Oliver moved forward, close enough that his hands traced a soft, gentle path along her arms and he could feel the goosebumps along her skin; he felt her relent and lean into his touch ever so slightly “I’m sorry” he whispered “I never wanted to break my promise to you and I never intended to, but I just…I couldn’t see any other way out. I couldn’t let him take you.”

Felicity wanted to say so many things, she wanted to tell him so many things and all of them swirled around nosily in her head, but she was suddenly drained and deflated. Words were lost in the fog that flooded her mind.  Finally, she shook her head and settled for asking a question, “So, when do you…?”

“I need to return to them in nine hours”

Felicity nodded, though she felt far from accepting. Her stomach was churning and she could feel the lump in her throat with every breath she took. She had 9 hours, probably less, to say goodbye to him and the only thing she could think about was how unfair it was that she had to watch him leave her once again.

She shook her head slightly; she wasn’t going to waste her time dwelling on these thoughts. So she reached forward and gently stroked Oliver’s cheek, brushing along the cut that ran over his cheekbone.

“You’re hurt”

He leaned into her touch, but shook his head “It’s nothing”.

Felicity looked down at the ground before letting out a long breath. She looked back up at him; silently begging him to just let her do this, to let her take care of him just once more before he left.

He nodded in understanding before she took his hand and walked him into the bathroom.

“I think there’s a med kit under the sink” She said while turning on the light. She walked forward and turned on the large shower; the hot water rushed out in an instant and cut through the silence in the room. “You’ll need to wash the dirt off yourself” She said “And I’ll try to find some hydrogen peroxide and—oh” She turned around and found herself toe to toe with Oliver. He was practically looming over her and his breathing was shallow and uneven. It was as if he were using every ounce of self-control he had left to keep himself together, as if he’d finally reached his breaking point. Every dark thought and fear he had was visible on his face and his eyes were desperate and haunted as they searched hers.

He said her name just once before he reached forward and kissed her. He grabbed her face in his hands and moved his mouth over hers, desperately seeking solace through this connection. Felicity grabbed his shirt in her fists and pulled him closer to her, opening her mouth to him and feeling his tongue slip inside. He traced the inside of her mouth with his tongue before swirling it along hers and she felt herself getting lost in him.

She stepped backwards, under the spray of the shower, and pulled him in with her. She refused to deny herself this, she reasoned that she could be angry and hurt later, but right now this was something they both needed.

So, they undressed each other, taking their time to explore each other’s bodies with their hands as their clothes fell into a soaking pile on the floor.

Thin trails of water trickled along Felicity’s skin and slid down her naked body. Oliver’s hands were splayed along her sides, his thumbs just brushing the underside of her breasts and his lips traced a slow trail along her body.  He took his time, as if he were mapping out every inch of her skin. He started at her collar bone, moving steadily down before he pressed a lingering kiss between her breasts. As he did so he got down on his knees and slid his hands down to her hips, holding her firmly in front of him. His actions were slow and deliberate as his mouth made its way over to the right where he kissed the gentle swell of her breast. He tilted he head down ever so slightly to suck her nipple into his mouth and swirl his tongue around the peaked bud, causing her to let out a soft moan and arch into him. He repeated the process on the other breast, taking his time to trace the curve of her body with his mouth.

As much as he wanted to bring her pleasure—and he did, his actions right now weren’t just about that. He needed to take this time to lose himself in her, to fully explore her in a way he hadn’t been able to the first time he was with her. That night was about sex, desperate, heated and impulsive sex between two hurt and confused people. This was different. This time Oliver needed to love her, he needed to show her how deeply that love ran through his veins and he needed to know her in a way he hadn’t yet been able to.

So he took his time, removing his mouth from her breast with a soft ‘pop’ and watching as tiny rivulets of water slipped down her naked form. He traced one of those drops, starting at the hollow of the throat and using his tongue to follow it down to her navel. He stopped there though, leaving his lips pressed against the slightly swollen curve of her stomach as one hand gripped her hip tight and the other snaked around her side to rest on the curve of her back, pressing her closer to him. He kissed her stomach repeatedly while holding her to him until finally he stopped and simply rested his forehead against her. He took a few deep, shaky breathes in and out while he just kneeled there and Felicity could feel fine tremors run through his body, despite the warm water.

She reached forward and ran her hands through his hair, hoping the action would help sooth him, even if only somewhat. She chose not to speak, knowing he’d do so in his own time.

When he did it was so quiet that Felicity almost missed it at first.

“I’m so sorry” He whispered, pulling back to look at her stomach. “I never wanted it to be this way.” The hand on her hip moved forward and his thumb gently stroked back and forth over the small bump he found there. He clenched his jaw before he spoke, as if the next words were physically painful “I wanted to be a father. I was finally ready to be a father and…” He paused and took another shaky breath “and I couldn’t wait to meet you.” He whispered “I would have given you everything I had to give.”

Felicity squeezed her eyes shut tight and tilted her head up toward the ceiling in a desperate attempt to fight back tears, because his words were hard to hear. They were a painful reminder of just how much she was losing.

“I never wanted to leave you. I hope you know that the last thing I ever wanted was to walk away from this. If I had any choice—”

“Oliver, stop” Felicity said “You can’t do this.” Her voice was unstable and it was difficult to talk past the lump in her throat, but she continued anyway “I know that I can’t convince you not to leave, but please, please find a way out. I need you to do whatever it takes to come home to me… to us, because I can’t…I  just got you and I can’t lose you.” He was looking up at her now, his blue eyes boring into hers “I know that you can find a way out if you try, Oliver. I believe in you. So, please…just try.”

Oliver stood, dragging himself back up to his full height, and held her face gently in his hands.

Felicity knew what his answer would be before he even spoke; she could see it in his eyes. He looked hopeless and defeated and he was too tired to try and hide it.

“Ra’s let Merlyn out of the League and regretted that decision.” Oliver shook his head slightly before speaking again “He’s not likely to make the same mistake twice. Felicity I…” He paused and let out a long sigh “I don’t know if there is a way out.”

“If there is then you’ll find it. I know you Oliver and I won’t give up on you.” She reached forward and cupped his face, brushing his cheek with her thumb. “You’ll find a way back to me.”

He nodded his head. “I just need you to promise me something” He said, his voice quiet and filled with sudden apprehension.

“Anything”

“I need you to be safe and to stay strong enough to raise our child without me if I can’t get out.”

Felicity blanched and her heart felt like it dropped to the floor. Oliver, sensing her reaction, spoke again.

“I promise Felicity, that if there is any way for me to come home I will, but I…I just need to know that if I can’t, if I don’t have a choice, that you’ll be okay.”

The tears that she’d been fighting finally sprung from Felicity’s eyes and they mingled with the spray of water that flowed over her. When she finally could, she nodded her head, because she was unable to deny Oliver the only thing he’d ever asked of her.

His lips crashed back into hers in a deep and searing kiss. His hands moved down to her waist and guided her back to the seat in the corner of the shower. He wasn’t going to waste another second with words, he was going to show her how he felt. Just once he was going to make love to her before he left.

He got down on his knees in front her again, only this time with very different intentions than before. He took one of her shapely legs in his hand and draped it over his shoulder. He turned his head and kissed the skin along her knee before leaning forward to press a kiss on the inside of her thigh. As he did so he could hear the hitch in her breath and the way her breathing shifted. A surge of pride flowed through him and the corner of his mouth twitched as he did it again, this time closer to where she wanted him. He lifted her leg a little higher, opening her up to him even more before he finally leaned forward and brought his mouth to where she wanted it most.

A strangled cry left her lips as soon as he made contact. He used his tongue to stroke the length of her before sucking her clit into his mouth. She reached forward on instinct to thread her hand through the short strands of his hair.

He worked her over with a laser like focus that quickly had her breath coming in short pants and strangled half moans leaving her lips. When he reached forward to spread her open and press his tongue to her clit she almost came undone right then. She desperately clung to the shower door with one hand and his hair with the other. Her whole body was tight, tense and building quickly to her orgasm, but Oliver had other plans. He slipped two fingers into her and curved them inward, causing her to cry out his name. He pushed her close to the edge, building the pleasure higher and higher before pulling back, only to do it again.

Her whole world narrowed down to what he was doing to her and how it made her feel.

His dexterous hands moved furiously inside of her and she was unable to make any sounds beyond her breathy moans. Finally he pushed her to the edge once more, only this time he took her right over. Her orgasm hit her hard and washed over her in waves. She closed her eyes tight and saw white hot sparks of electricity as pleasure rolled through her body. Oliver’s fingers kept moving inside of her, coaxing her through her orgasm until finally she could catch her breath. He lowered her leg back down and pulled his fingers out of her.

Felicity finally forced her eyes open only to see Oliver still straddled between her legs, pressing a kiss to the inside of her thigh.

She blew out a breath “Wow…that was…” she paused, unable to find the right words “You are really good at that” She finally said “I mean, top notch, A plus—”

She paused when Oliver moved up so that he was face to face with her. She could see the wicked smile on his face and the gleam in his eye that had been missing for far too long. She returned his smile with one of her own and closed the distance between them with a kiss. A thrill shot through her body when she tasted herself on his tongue. Some distant part of her brain told her she should probably be embarrassed, but all she could feel was the intimacy of the moment.

Oliver gathered her in his arms then, pulling her up so that she had to wrap her legs around his waist in order to hold onto him. She was reminded of their first time together, when he pushed her up against a pillar in the foundry. Except, this time there was no cold metal against her back, only the warm spray of water as it washed over them. Oliver leaned forward and pressed his lips to the curve of her neck, biting down before soothing the spot with his tongue. Felicity reached between them, grabbing him in her hand and stroking the length of him. She did it once, twice more before Oliver reached down and grabbed her wrist in his hand, stopping her action.

“Felicity” He growled, his voice deep. “This will be over much sooner than you want if you keep that up.” His eyes were dark and lust blown when they met hers and a flood of wetness filled her center from the way he was looking at her. His eyes were wild and he looked half undone. There were large drops of water falling from his hair and sliding down his face and Felicity couldn’t stop herself from leaning forward and kissing him again.

He turned them around so that he was now sitting on the corner seat with her straddling his lap. She could feel the evidence of his desire pressed against her center and she couldn’t help herself from grinding into him, causing a low rumble to emit from his chest.

“That wasn't fair.” He growled.

It was her turn to flash him a wicked smile.

In one quick motion he lifted her up, reached between them and dropped her back down, burying himself inside of her all at once. Her mouth dropped open in surprise and she let out a small cry of pleasure at the act.

A cocky smile crossed his lips, but she couldn’t find it in herself to feel anything other than the overwhelming presence of him both in and around her. Her whole world narrowed down to Oliver and it felt amazing.

He began to move then, thrusting into her slowly and deliberately, trying to draw out the experience. Neither of them wanted this to end, but they were both wound tight and desperate for each other. It didn’t take long for tendrils of warmth and pleasure to snake up Felicity’s spine and she knew she wouldn’t last much longer. Not when each thrust seemed to hit her the right way and he was looking at her like that, his eyes filled with so much love.

She leaned forward and pressed her forehead against his, desperately clutching onto him as he continued to move slowly inside her. Her pleasure continued to grow, more and more until she knew that she was close. She felt Oliver’s hand cup the side of her face and she pulled back to look at him.

“Felicity” He said, voice deep and hoarse “You have to know...”

His eyes searched hers, desperately seeking out her answer. In that moment she did know, because the truth was clearer to her then than it had ever been before.

“I do” she replied.

He leaned forward and kissed her, his lips moving insistently against hers and when they broke the kiss he held her close. “I love you” He whispered.

A small sob left her lips and she kissed him again, this one more desperate, because she wasn’t sure she trusted her voice to work right then. When she finally felt like she could she replied to him.

“I love you too, Oliver.”

His smile was real and genuine, and it lit up his entire face; Felicity was struck by how beautiful he really was. He resumed his motions then, although they were less controlled than before, and he reached a hand between them to gently stroke Felicity. She let out a breathy cry as he suddenly pushed her over the edge. Her orgasm took her by surprise and she buried her face in his neck as the waves of pleasure washed over her for the second time that night and she could feel his thrusts get more erratic as her body spasmed around him.

His fingers dug into the skin of her thighs and her name flew from his lips as he reached his own release and when it was over, they both held each other panting as they tried to catch their breath. As Oliver held her, Felicity felt boneless and sated and unbelievably satisfied.

They stayed like that for a while, with Oliver still inside of her, but neither of them saying anything. Until finally, he wrapped his arms tightly around her and stood, turning off the water as he did so. He pulled out of her, much to her disappointment, and shifted her around so that she was cradled in his arms instead of wrapped around his body.

Oliver carried her like that out of the bathroom and into the bedroom where he pulled back the covers and gently laid her down on the bed. He leaned forward to place a soft, tender kiss on her lips, and for one terrifying moment Felicity thought he might leave, but instead, he walked around to the other side of the bed and crawled under the covers beside her.

Felicity let out a sigh of relief as he reached out and pulled her body against his, skin touching skin in an incredibly intimate way. She rested her head on his chest and felt him press a kiss against her temple as she traced the outline of his Bratva tattoo with her finger.

She wanted to stay awake. She wanted to lay there with him until the very second he had to leave, but her body had other plans. She didn’t even realize it was happening, but at some point her mind drifted off to sleep as Oliver held her in his arms.

And as Oliver held Felicity close he realized that Maseo had been right, nothing and no one else seemed important to him anymore. He waited until he absolutely had to leave before he reluctantly pulled himself away from her and, in an impulsive decision, grabbed a pen and sheet of paper off the nightstand.

He left the note on the pillow and walked out of the room, knowing that if he looked back he’d never be able to leave.

When Felicity woke, hours later, it was to a single piece of paper that read:

_Felicity,_

_I love you_

_–Oliver_

 


	13. The Separation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This update is just slightly shorter than my usual chapters and I wanted to apologize for that. I don't know if I've mentioned this here before, but I'm actually getting an IT degree, so basically, when I'm not writing fic I spend all my time coding. I just wanted to let you know that I'll update as soon as I can, but the semester is coming to an end soon and it's going to be really crazy for a little while. I apologize now if I'm slow to update the next chapter!  
> Anyway, with that out of the way, I want to say THANK YOU SO MUCH for the response to the last chapter!! That chapter meant a lot to me and was very fun to write and the response was incredible. I'M SORRY for making anyone cry, but thank you for reading anyway!  
> I hope you like this chapter and please comment or kudo if you're so inclined. Thanks!!

There’s a moment between sleeping and waking, a sort of twilight state where the world becomes hazy and uncertain. Where what you want and what is real are suddenly no longer two separate entities fighting for the same space, they merge, become one and exist together.

As Felicity woke, the heavy fog of sleep still clung to her mind and she could feel the presence of Oliver beside her. She was so certain she could sense him stretched out in bed behind her that it wasn’t until she sat up, turned to speak and saw the empty space beside her that the fog cleared and her mind caught up to reality.

He was gone and she was alone.

A shock went through her body as if she’d been doused with cold water, because where Oliver had once been all that remained was a single piece of paper.

She reached her hand forward and picked up the piece of paper and felt, not for the first time, a sense of dread crawl into her gut.

Seeing the words on the page, written in his hand felt like a spike through her heart. For once she wished she could just wake up to _him_ , not a note or an empty bed. It felt like there was a crack in her heart that threatened to split open as she stared down at the note. A dull ache began that radiated into her bones and made her body feel heavy. She felt lost. She was suddenly and irrevocably aimless in the world without him to anchor her back down.

As she clutched the sheets to her body and looked out the bedroom window she tried not to think that there might be a very real possibility of never falling asleep next to him again. She refused to let herself believe that she’d never get the chance to wake beside him the way she’d dreamt of doing so many weeks ago. She refused to believe that he was gone.

She had to keep believing in him. She had to believe that he would come home, because that belief was all she had left.

Still, the loss of him was palpable. It felt like a solid force that crashed into her and dragged her heart down onto the floor. The physical ache of it was too hard to ignore and she sat in the bed for a moment trying to comprehend how everything had changed so drastically in such a short amount of time.

Her hand went to her stomach and rested gently there. Suddenly, her mind flashed back to the way Oliver had so tenderly kissed the skin along her belly just the night before. The words he said rang in her ears _“I would have given you everything I had to give”_. He’d said the words so gently and with such sadness that Felicity’s chest felt tight. Because what he didn’t understand was that he already had. He gave up everything to keep Felicity and the baby out of Ra’s al Ghul’s hands.

Including the life they were meant to share together.

He would have been a great father, of that Felicity had no doubt. No, she thought to herself, no he _will_ be a great father. Felicity would do everything in her power to make sure that Oliver got the chance to raise his baby. He would be there, damn it, because she was going to get him back.

After one long, stuttered breath she threw the covers off herself and climbed out of the bed.

There was no use dwelling on her sadness, because the only thing she could do now was move forward. She needed to take steps toward figuring out how to get Oliver home safely.

So, she got ready in a slight daze, intentionally keeping her mind blank because it was better than the overwhelming ache that threatened to destroy her if she let it. Once she was dressed she rushed out of the apartment and straight to the foundry.

Roy and Diggle were already there.

She walked down the steps, but stopped at the last one when she saw the look on their faces. They were both standing in the room, hands in their pockets and they looked at her with matching expressions. Pity. Her jaw clenched.

Felicity didn’t want pity. She wanted answers, she wanted a plan, and she wanted her partners.

She walked past them and took a few steps toward her desk where she dropped her bag on the table. “We’ll get him back” She said over her shoulder, before she began to pull the tablet from her bag and place it on her desk. Her whole body tensed when a large hand fell on her shoulder.

“Felicity…” Diggle said. His voice was full of all the words he wasn’t saying and Felicity knew she must have seemed delusional, but she refused to believe in a world where they couldn’t get Oliver home.  

“No” Felicity said, spinning around to look at him “No, John. We’re going to get him back. Oliver gave up _everything_ for this and we’re not going to let that be for nothing.”

“Okay” Diggle took a step back “I’m not saying that we should” He said reasonably “But Oliver didn’t sacrifice everything so that you could throw yourself right into danger, Felicity. He gave himself over to Ra’s in order to keep you and the baby safe.”

Felicity scoffed and a bitter taste filled her mouth “I don’t need to be reminded.” She turned back to face her computers.

“Then you know that the last thing Oliver would want is for you to put yourself in danger to try and save him.”

The words made Felicity pause. Ice settled low in her gut and traveled through her veins, making her feel cold. Her whole body was tense and the fingers of her left hand moved around nervously before she eventually turned around to Face Diggle and Roy.

“He’d do it for any of us.” She finally said “If there was a chance, a single possibility that he could get us back he wouldn’t hesitate. He would do it no matter what the consequences were. I know that he wouldn’t want risk any one of us getting hurt, but that’s not his call to make anymore. One way or another I’m going to get him back.”

She looked to Roy and then Diggle before she spoke again “ _We_ are going to get him back”.

They both stared at her, clearly trying to decide whether or not this was the best course of action. Did the risk out weight the reward? Would Oliver even want them to do this? Who would protect the city if they left?

Finally, it was Roy who stepped forward and replied.

“So, where do we start?”

>>\-------->

The dark marbled room Oliver found himself in was strikingly similar, yet also very different from the one he’d been in only 12 hours before. The dark stone of this room seemed to suck the warmth and energy straight out of him and absorb it in crushing darkness, giving the whole place an ominous and heavy feel.

Whether this was by design or by happenstance, Oliver wasn’t sure.

In the center of the room Maseo stood in a wide legged stance with his back straight. He lifted his head when Oliver arrived and a piece of dark hair escaped his ponytail to fall across his eyes.

“You were almost late.”

Oliver crossed the long room to stand before him.

“Being early was never my strong suit.” He replied.

For a moment, just a moment, a ghost of the man Oliver once knew appeared and the barest hint of a smile flicked across Maseo’s face.

“I remember”

Then, Maseo looked away and just like that the man Oliver once knew was gone. Any warmth, any sense of recognition disappeared from Maseo’s face only to be replaced with a mask of cold indifference.

“Have you made all of your arrangements?” He asked, looking back at Oliver with dark eyes.

Oliver nodded.

“And said your goodbyes?”

Oliver couldn’t hide the wince that crossed his face as pain tore through his gut, leaving him feeling shaken and slightly breathless. His goodbyes had been far from enough to satiate him. They’d done little else but leave him feeling raw, ragged and undone.

“It will get easier” Maseo suddenly said, his eyes now full of understanding “Eventually you will learn to move on and the pain will ease.”

Oliver nodded, knowing it was best to keep silent, because the last thing he wanted was for the pain to end. The ache in his chest was a reminder of why he did this. Every ounce of pain was evidence of his love and his loyalty to those he left behind and losing that would mean losing his soul. So, Oliver would cling tight to that pain with every fiber of his being, because it was the only thing he had left of the ones he loved.

“Ra’s al Ghul will speak with you now.” Maseo said as he moved to leave the room “Wait here.”

With that Maseo walked out of the two large oak doors at the far end of the room. Oliver stood still and watched the heavy wooden doors swing slowly shut before clicking into place.

Suddenly, he was alone.

Oliver took the opportunity to finally explore the room. He turned on his heel and craned his neck back to look up at the ceiling. The stone walls were high and commanding, lit only by the flickering light of lamps strategically placed along the surface. The fire caused shadows to dance around the room, leaving Oliver unsettled and unsure of what he was seeing. Ghostly figures slid along the walls with each beat of the flame.

Oliver felt haunted, although if it was by his own demons or the ones that crawled along these halls, he still hadn’t decided. Regardless, the heavy presence of _something_ slithered along his spine and caused the hairs on the back of his neck to stand up. This place felt wrong— it felt like death.

A flickering shadow caught his eye and he turned to look, but saw nothing. For a single, brief moment Oliver thought that he saw Felicity standing in the shadows, but it was just a trick of the light.

She wasn’t here.

He needed to remember why he came here, to this dark and weighty place. It was for her. It was because her innate goodness and light would be destroyed by the life she’d find here.

Oliver had no such worries for himself, because darkness found its way into his life long ago. Now, he’d use that darkness to keep Felicity safe.

With a groan, the heavy oak doors swung open once again and Ra’s al Ghul walked into the room. The long tails of his robe trailed behind him as he crossed the stone floor.

“Mr. Queen” He said in a smooth, rich voice. “I’m glad you made it here safely.”

“I came” Oliver replied “As promised.”

“And Felicity is back in Starling city” Ra’s said as he clasped his hands in front of him “As I promised. Although, I’m sure you are aware of that by now.” Ra’s tilted his head to the side as his eyes search Oliver’s face knowingly “Did you get the chance to say goodbye to her, Mr. Queen?”

Oliver’s jaw clenched. This time there was no pain, only anger at the man who brought him here; the man who took him away from everything good in his life.

It took Oliver looking down at the ground and sucking in a long breath through his nose before he was able to reply.

“Yes”

He couldn’t say more and even that small word was forced out between clenched teeth.

“Good” Ra’s replied. He moved forward and walked past Oliver. As he did so, a distinctly musky scent mixed with sandalwood floated past Oliver’s nose. “We have much to discuss, you and I.”

“What is there to discuss?” Oliver asked “I promised you my loyalty and I intend to keep that promise.”

“As I’m sure you do.” Ra’s turned around to face Oliver again “But that is not all we have to discuss.”

Oliver clasped his hands behind his back as his fingers played together nervously “Alright” He said as he straightened his spine and tilted his chin up “What do you want to discuss?”.

The ghost of a smile crossed Ra’s al Ghul’s face.

“I want to know all of your secrets, Mr. Queen.”


	14. A Deal with the Devil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm finally back with an update! Thank you so much to everyone who was so patient and supportive during my month long break. You guys are seriously the best, every one of you is so kind and your messages and comments motivate me more than you know, so again, THANK YOU. My schedule is pretty crazy lately, but you guys are 100% what motivates me to keep writing this story.  
> On that note, I hope you like where the story is going and please enjoy this chapter!

Secrets are powerful. They define us. They define our past and they influence our future. They can be a weapon, a wound, a tool, or our shroud. Sometimes they’re buried so deep within us that we can’t tell if they’re what keep us safe or make us afraid. Does your secret save you, or is it the very thing that eats you alive from the inside out? Is there any way to take it back once you’ve given it away? What happens when it’s not your secret to tell?

As Oliver Queen stood in the dimly lit room, with the sound of his breathing the only thing echoing off the marble walls, these were the thoughts that ran rampant through his head. What could he possibly say that would satisfy Ra’s and keep the people he loved safe?

The answer was, of course, that there was nothing he could say. Nothing that would keep Felicity and everyone else safe would also be enough to satisfy Ra’s al Ghul. He wanted Oliver stripped down and laid bare in front of him, his soul ready for judgement, and it was simply not something Oliver was willing give. Honesty meant telling the truth about Felicity and the baby; honesty meant admitting the sins of his past and honesty meant putting the very people he left behind in danger.

Oliver Queen would die a thousand deaths before he ever put them in harm’s way.

So, Oliver told Ra’s everything he was able to tell, leaving out more than he gave and in the end he looked Ra’s al Ghul in the eyes and said that he had no more secrets to share.

The torture started that night.

It was mostly psychological, though Oliver suspected that the few times he was let out of his cell to train had less to do with improving his skills and more to do with making certain he returned to his cage weary and bruised. The pain became his constant companion.

Sleep was a precious gift, rarely given, and if so never for long. Inevitably, shortly after he’d fall asleep someone would come in to toss food at his head if they were being kind, and dump cold water on it if they weren’t. They’d constantly wake him up to move him from cell to cell, making sure he never stayed in one for long and often the cells had no access to direct sunlight so he’d spend his days unsure of the passage of time. The only sound he heard for hours at a time were the clanking of the chains that bound his hand to a spike on the floor.

Almost four weeks of this torture were enough to weigh on anyone, including Oliver.

One singular thought helped him in the darkest hours, helped keep the demons at bay, and allowed him to keep a hold on his sanity and remember who he was. That thought was of Felicity and their unborn baby.

Sometimes just the thought of them was enough. The knowledge that they were alive and breathing out there in the world at the same time that he was thinking of them created a small tether that, for a moment, made him feel less alone. Other times, when the icy water ran down his spine, or the meals they fed him were more dirt and bug than food, or when he dragged his raw and tired feet into yet another cold cell…well, those were the times when he needed more. More than just the thought of them alive without him; he needed to imagine a future where they were together, the three of them, happy and safe. A family. His family.

He would always imagine a small house in the country with a white picket fence and a dog running through the yard. In his mind he saw their child, sometimes a boy other times a girl, chasing after the dog, or playing in the yard, or riding a bike down the street. But no matter what, Felicity was always there and she’d look at their child and then back to him, her eyes overflowing with love and joy. Oliver would imagine pulling her in close and kissing her once before telling her that he loved her and she’d always respond in kind.

Oliver knew that it was this dream, this simple snapshot of a future together, that got him through the darkest hours.

But even that got harder and harder by the day.

It seems that there's a specific kind of panic that seeps into your chest the first time you realize that you can't remember something as simple as a laugh. The sound of Felicity’s laugh was one of the first things that was taken from him, ripped from his mind and replaced with emptiness; a hollow nothingness where the sound used to be. It was such a prominent part of his life for so long and, suddenly, it was like he'd never heard the sound. It was warped and twisted and what little he could recall was nothing like the voice he once knew.

Her smile was next.

Not all of it disappeared, but the nuances started to fade. Did her eyes crease when she laughed? Did her nose crinkle or was that something his mind created? How could his mind possibly recreate the warmth of her eyes when she looked at him?

It couldn't. So it stopped trying and suddenly images of her were fuzzy and the expression was all wrong. 

Oliver realized that the only tether to his humanity was being ripped from his mind and that fact scared him more than any pain Ra's could inflict. 

But it seemed that maybe that was the whole point after all. 

>>\-------->

“I don’t like it”

Diggle’s arms were crossed in front of his chest and the small crease between his brows that never seemed to leave was firmly in place.

“And you think I do? It makes me sick. _He_ makes me sick. But it’s been almost a month since Oliver left and we are no closer to getting him back than when we started.” Felicity turned to face her partner “We don’t have a choice anymore.”

Diggle shook his head “We always have a choice, Felicity. And this, right here, is the wrong one.”

Felicity ran a hand over her ponytail, smoothing back nonexistent flyaway strands. “I’m not even sure I disagree with you, John.” She said “But I just can’t stand the thought of Oliver there with Ra’s doing God knows what to him any longer. I won’t. We need to bring him home.”

John Diggle stared at Felicity with a look that would have felled a lesser person; his eyes were hard and his expression was unchanging. But it was no match for the look he got in response and, eventually, he closed his eyes and shook his head.

“Your plan relies on a lot of if’s, Felicity.” He finally said “I don’t like if’s, especially not when it comes to keeping you safe.”

“Believe me John, I would not be suggesting this if we had any other choice, but we can’t risk bringing Laurel into this unnecessarily and no one has heard from Sara in weeks. We’re running out of allies.” She grabbed her purse and moved past him “What we need now is an asset.”

“Do you really think we can trust him?”

Felicity’s reply was instant “No.” She said over her shoulder “But maybe we can use him, or at the very least bargain with him.”

“You think there’s anything we can offer him?”

“I don’t know” She replied “But I’m pretty sure the devil is always willing to make a deal.”

>>\-------->

As it turns out Felicity was right and the devil _was_ willing to make a deal; though Felicity’s gut still churned at the thought of allying herself with him.

She waited on a rooftop as dark storm clouds amassed overhead. The wind whipped ferociously at her hair, yanking it free from the tie and blowing it across her face. Felicity tugged her jacket closer to her body in a futile attempt to block the wind. She just wanted to get this whole thing over with.

Diggle stood silent sentry behind her as they waited for the third party to arrive.

When he did it was with casual confidence. He slipped out of the shadows and walked toward them as if he didn’t have a care in the world; his stride was sure and confident.

“Miss Smoak” He nodded at Felicity “Mr. Diggle. Good evening to you both.”

Diggle’s jaw clenched before he nodded once “Merlyn”

Felicity couldn’t bring herself to speak, not yet. Hatred and anger ran too strongly through her veins for her to trust her mouth at the moment.

“May I inquire” Merlyn began “As to why you’ve asked me to come here?”

Felicity’s fingers rubbed nervously together and she cleared her throat before speaking.

“It’s Oliver” She said.

A small smile crossed Merlyn’s face and he nodded his head. He shifted against the wind that whipped all around them and tucked his hands into his pockets. “Ah yes, I have heard some news about him; some rumors, if you will, regarding Oliver and Ra’s al Ghul.”

“Don’t be coy” Felicity spat “I know that you know Oliver joined the League of Assassins.”

“Yes” Merlyn nodded “But what I don’t know is _why_. Although,” He looked Felicity up and down, his eyes moving slowly “I have heard some rumors.”

Merlyn walked forward then, his eyes locked with Felicity’s, and he began to circle her like a vulture circling its meal.

“It’s fascinating the things you hear while on the run. There are so many rumors flying about that it’s hard to tell truth from fiction.” He paused and leaned in toward Felicity’s ear “Hard, but not impossible.”

“Get away from me.” Felicity ground out, refusing to look at him.

Malcolm backed away “Need I remind you, Miss Smoak, that it was _you_ who invited _me_ here tonight?” He clasped his hands in front of him “You need me.”

“Oliver needs you” Diggle spoke from behind Felicity.

“And why exactly is that?”

Felicity let out a sigh “Because of me.” she finally said “Oliver joined the League because of me.”

A smile broke out across Merlyn’s face “Ah” He said “Now we’re finally getting somewhere.”

“So, tell me” He continued “What exactly does Oliver joining the League have to do with me?”

Merlyn moved to clasp his hands behind his back as he once again stood in front of Felicity.

“We need to get him back” Felicity replied “We need him here.”

Malcolm rocked back on his heels and nodded his head before replying “Well, it seems to me that Mr. Diggle and Mr. Harper are doing a good enough job of keeping the city safe in his absence. Perhaps you don’t need Oliver after all.”

Felicity didn’t budge “We need him here.”

A catlike smile spread across Malcolm’s face “And why is that?”

“Merlyn” Diggle cut in, nearly growling out the word.

Malcolm kept his eyes locked on Felicity, but held up his hand to silence the other man.

“I want her to say it. I want to hear her say the words.” He tilted his head to the side “Why do you need Oliver back so badly?”

Felicity felt bile rising in her throat; she could feel the anger coursing through her veins like fire.

She clenched her jaw.

“Because I’m pregnant.”

Merlyn didn’t even bother to feign surprise.

“I thought I sensed a…a _glow_ about you, Miss Smoak.” He stepped forward, circling around her once again and Felicity felt suspiciously like a mouse being tossed around by a bored cat. “And would I be right to presume that Oliver is the father?”

Felicity looked forward narrowing her eyes and tilting her chin up “Yes”.

“Well then I suppose congratulations are in order” Merlyn replied “And condolences.”

Felicity’s head whipped to her right, where Malcolm stood wide legged with his hands behind his back and the wind tugging at his jacket.

“What?”

“Haven’t you figured it out yet? Oliver isn’t leaving the League. Ra’s wanted you, but for some reason he took Oliver instead. Why do you think that is Miss Smoak?” Merlyn titled his head and paused as if he were waiting for an answer. However, he continued without one. “He wants Oliver for something. Something big, I presume. Which means sneaking Oliver out the backdoor will be next to impossible and even if you did manage it Ra’s would just bring him back. Face the facts, Oliver is gone. You and your child are alone. So,” He titled his head down “I offer my condolences.”

Felicity took two steps forward until she was face to face with him; her voice was low and threatening. “I don’t want your condolences. I want your information. You were Ra’s’ little puppet for years and you know the League better than anyone else that I currently have access to. So, I want your help”

Merlyn’s mouth ticked up in a small smile “Or else?”

“Or else nothing” She replied “There are no threats—”

“Though believe me, we wish there were.” Diggle cut in.

Felicity refocused her gaze on Merlyn. “No threats” She continued “But we’re willing to make a deal, just tell us your terms.”

Merlyn cocked one eyebrow in surprise “My terms?” He let out a short laugh “You really must be desperate.”

He walked away from them, turned his back and made a show of pretending to think about what he wanted. He brought his hand to his chin and paced back and forth for a few moments before turning around and responding.

“My actions during the Undertaking were—”

“Horrific?” Felicity suggested.

“Unforgivable?” Diggle followed.

“Distasteful” Merlyn continued “to Ra’s. There’s been a price on my head ever since he found out I’m alive. He’s been hunting me down since the Undertaking.”

“And what does that have to do with us?” Diggle asked.

“It concerns you, because in exchange for the information I’m going to give you I want the price on my head removed.”

Felicity’s brow furrowed “You’re crazy. You know we can’t actually _do_ that right?”

If Merlyn heard her he didn’t show it, he merely shrugged his shoulders before speaking again.

“Does Ra’s know that you’re having Oliver’s child?”

“I—What?” Felicity took a step back.

“Does Ra’s know” Merlyn replied “That you’re pregnant with Oliver Queen’s child?”

Felicity narrowed her eyes and let out a breath before responding “He doesn’t even know that I’m pregnant.”

A wide smile broke out across Malcolm’s face and he stuck out his hand.

“I believe we can be of some use to each other, Miss Smoak.”

Felicity’s stomach churned as she reached out and shook hands with Malcolm Merlyn. She looked in his eyes and saw a wild sort of glee reflected back at her.

She let out a slow breath and felt nauseous as his hand closed around hers.

Just like that it was done and she’d made a deal with the devil.

She only hoped it would be worth it.


	15. An Honest Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This update took a bit longer than I expected it to. I somehow lost the file with all of my outlines and drafts and had to spend a bunch of time trying to rewrite and recreate all of it! Between that and starting my internship I had very little time to write.   
> I'm hoping to keep updating fairly regularly, but my new job has taken over ALL of my free time. (I'm not kidding you guys, I have about 2 hours of free time a day, it's madness). All of this to say, sorry that this update took a while, but I definitely have not forgotten about this story!!  
> If you want to follow me at kobayashimarubikscube.tumblr.com I'll be posting updates and previews and other things there in between posting chapters here.   
> Thank you again to everyone for their amazing patience and support. You are all incredible and I'm so grateful that you're enjoying my story and leaving such great comments!   
> Thank you and I hope you enjoy this chapter!

“We’ve done a lot of stupid things over the years Felicity, but this one takes the cake.”

Diggle’s tinny voice rang through the earpiece Felicity wore. She fidgeted nervously, her hands clenching and unclenching at her sides.

“I’m not actually inclined to disagree with you at the moment.” She replied under her breath.

“You can always call it—”

“Don’t say call it off” She cut in “We’ve had this conversation already, John. I’m doing this. We’re going to get Oliver back.”

“With Merlyn’s help.”

“Yes.” Her curt reply came out through clenched teeth.

“You’re putting an awful lot of trust into a man who orchestrated the death of over 500 innocent people.”

“I trust Merlyn as far as I can throw him.” She spat out “But right now, God help us, he’s our only option.”

“What makes you think he won’t stab us in the back as soon as he has the chance?”

“I think he would do it the second that it’s convenient for him, sooner even. It’s just…he wants something from Ra’s, or Oliver, or us, I’m not really sure which, but he won’t betray us until he gets what he wants. We just need to make sure he gets what he wants _after_ we get Oliver back. And” her voice dropped “If he stabs us in the back before that...” She paused, and when she spoke again her voice was low and cold “Then I’ll make sure the whole world knows he’s alive and how to get him.”

Just as she spoke a light flickered in the distance.

Once. Twice. Three times.

Felicity’s earpiece crackled.

“That’s his signal, they're close by” Diggle replied “It’s now or never.”

Felicity took a single, shuttering breath before she threw open her car door.

“Now” she replied.

>>\-------->

Merlyn’s plan was surprisingly simple, which as it turned out, made Felicity about seven different kinds of nervous. She liked backup plans and contingencies for her backup plans and lists and options and knowing what she was getting into and she _especially_ liked not putting her trust into a mass murderer.

That last one was the thought that rang through her mind as she got out of her car and walked down the street with a copy of her sonogram in hand.

As she walked she looked around and paid attention to everyone she could see. There was an elderly couple window shopping outside of a small antique shop, a teenage girl on her phone and a young woman walking her dog. She took a quick glace behind her, but saw no one.

Not that she expected to, they were too good at hiding for that. After all, they'd been following her for weeks and she had no idea until Merlyn informed her of it.

She took several deep breaths and whispered encouragements to herself as she let her fingers slide open ever so slightly.

The picture she was holding fell to the ground.

She kept walking.

One step forward.

Two. Her heels clicked against the sidewalk.

Three steps. Nothing.

Maybe Merlyn was wrong.

Four steps.

“Miss!” A voice called from behind her “Excuse me miss! I think you dropped this!”

“Huh?” she replied, turning around to face the man who called out to her.

She looked down at the sonogram picture in his hand “Oh, thank you I—” It was just then that she looked up and recognized the person in front of her. It was the man from the safe house. The assassin. The one who knew Oliver. Maseo.

She pretended to be surprised.

“I-oh-I…um…this is-isn’t mine. I’m sorry y-you must have the wrong person.” She stuttered out before turning on her heel and walking away from him as fast as she could.

She caught his reflection in a store window as she rushed past and watched him tuck the picture into his pocket and walk away.

_Good_ she thought to herself _go tell Ra’s what you’ve just found_ , _and do it fast_.

>>\-------->

A half hour later, when Felicity sat on the couch in her apartment with none other than Malcolm Merlyn standing in front of her, she had only one question.

“Do you think they bought it?”

The small tick of Merlyn’s mouth and slight nod of his head was the only response Felicity needed.

It was done. Ra’s knew she was pregnant.

Which meant they’d come for her soon.

Well, he would if things went according to plan.

>>\-------->

Oliver tried to remember the last time he felt warm.

Everything about the last four weeks had been cold; the stone floor was cold, the air was cold, his chains were cold. It soaked into his body and burrowed into his bones until it felt like a part of him; as if it were a part of his DNA.

Oliver Queen: superior archer, frozen human.

As he lay stretched out on the floor, with his arms wrapped around himself for warmth, he tried to remember the last time he felt something akin to joy. He tried to remember life before this crushing, aching, lonely feeling had settled into his body.

And then he did.

The memory hit him like a solid force and nearly knocked the wind out of him because it felt so _real_. For the first time in nearly a month his memory was clear and he felt something other than cold and alone.

He felt warmth.

The memory of standing under the hot spray of a shower with Felicity in his arms hit him like a ton of bricks. The way her mouth felt against his, the taste of her skin, the way it felt to be inside her, they were all precious memories to him. That night was the last time he felt truly happy, even if it was only for a brief moment. So, Oliver cherished that moment, because it was all he had left in the darkness.

Just then he heard the metal hinges of his cell door creak open and Ra’s al Ghul walked into the room.

Oliver shifted his position so that he was sitting instead of lying on his side. His body protested the movement, though he refused to show it on his face.

He looked up at Ra’s expectantly.

Ra’s stared down at him with eyes that seemed to search his soul.

There was a long beat of silence where neither man spoke.

Finally, Ra’s began “I thought you were an honest man, Mr. Queen.” He tucked his hands behind his back and began to approach Oliver. “I thought you may be lacking in certain areas I believed myself capable of remedying that. I thought I could teach you honor, strength, loyalty even, but never honesty. This is because I believed you to be man of honest character.” He towered over Oliver and the tails of his rob flowed behind him on the dusty ground, so close that Oliver could make out the fine embroidered detail. “It would appear” Ra’s continued “That I was wrong.”

Oliver’s eyes narrowed as he stared up at the man before him “Am I supposed to know what you’re talking about?”

“What I’m talking about is your betrayal and your lies” Ra’s replied “What I’m talking about is this”

Ra’s moved his hand from behind his back and dropped a small picture into Oliver’s lap.

A small sonogram photo.

A shock went through Oliver's body before he schooled his features.

“I asked you for the truth and you gave me lies” Ra’s al Ghul’s voice was cold now, colder than Oliver had ever heard it before “You kept the truth of my daughter’s condition from me. The truth of what you did to her. Or do you deny that it was you?”

Oliver’s icy glare was the only response that he gave.

Ra’s struck out once; his large ring making contact with the side of Oliver’s face before Oliver even had the chance to react. Oliver’s head whipped to the side and he could feel a thin trickle of blood slide down his face. He grimaced, but still said nothing.

“Answer me boy” Ra’s commanded “Was it you who did this to her?”

Oliver clenched his jaw before grinding out a reply.

“Yes”

“And is that why you came here to sacrifice yourself?”

“Yes” Oliver replied “She wouldn’t survive here.”

“Well” Ra’s replied “We will just have to see about that.”

Oliver’s head whipped up to look at Ra’s. “We have a deal.”

“No, Mr. Queen. We _had_ a deal.”

Oliver leapt to his feet, the chains tugging on already raw and broken skin as he did. His voice was deep and angry and desperate as he spoke, “We made an agreement. My life for hers. That was our deal.”

“No, we made an agreement, her life for your loyalty” Ra’s turned away from him “And I certainly don’t have that. Our deal is null and void.”

Oliver let out a howl of rage and futilely lunged at Ra’s, yanking on his chains as he tried to get at the other man. The skin around Oliver’s wrists screamed in protest as old wounds began to break open and bleed. A guard slipped into the room and pushed Oliver against the wall, aiming a dagger at his throat.

“Leave her alone!” Oliver shouted.

Ra’s turned around “I suppose I should have said the same to you, shouldn’t I? Though I thought that I’d made myself abundantly clear about wanting you to stay away from her.” Ra’s shook his head “I should kill you where you stand for what you’ve done.”

Oliver’s chest was heaving and his breathing was labored when he spoke “I don’t care what happens to me, just leave her out of this.”

Ra’s moved forward, back into the cell.

“I’m curious Mr. Queen” He tilted his head to the side “When you took my daughter to your bed was it out of love or so that someone could keep you warm? And when you found out about the child did you come to me out of sacrifice or because you were running away? I want to know” He said “What kind of man are you?”

Oliver’s voice was soft “I will beg if I must” He replied “Just please leave her alone.”

“Beg if you will” Ra’s replied as he turned on his heel “You words hold no meaning to me now.”

The guard dropped Oliver to the ground and followed Ra’s out the cell door.

All Oliver could hear was the sound of the metal hinges groaning shut and the key sliding home before a static white noise overtook everything else.

Ra’s knew about Felicity and there was nothing he could do to protect her.

Everything he’d given up had been for nothing.


	16. Love is Weakness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Finally an update, thank you for being patient! I promise that I haven't forgotten about this story, so there's no need to worry on that front! I'm so glad to hear that so many of you are enjoying this story and it 100% motivates me to keep working on it.  
> Thank you for all the kudos and kind comments on the last chapter and I hope you like where this chapter goes as well!

Three days.

It took three days for Ra’s al Ghul’s men to come.

In that time every sound, every shadow, every flicker out of the corner of her eye made Felicity twitchy and nervous. So much so that by the time the League finally came for her, it was almost a relief.

They came for her outside of Verdant. Men and women cloaked in black slipped out of the shadows as if they were born from it. They surrounded her, blocking any chance for an exit.

Not that she was looking for one.

Dig was inside, closing up the club before coming outside to take Felicity home. He walked out of the back door in time to see six armed assassins take Felicity away. The panic on his face looked far from staged and he shouted Felicity’s name as he ran after her, but they both knew he’d never be able to stop the League.

So it was with six armed League of Assassins members that Felicity slipped into the darkness too.

They traveled to Nanda Parbat via a private jet, which Felicity was honestly surprised to learn that the League even had.

One thought kept her company for the entire ride. One thought rang over and over again in her mind like a silent prayer. _For Oliver_.

All of this. All of this danger and fear and uncertainty, it was to bring Oliver home. It was to get him back. So, she decided, she wouldn’t falter on this path, not if it meant saving Oliver. No matter how afraid she was she’d hold her head high and remember why she was here.

That is exactly what she did when, hours later, she stood in a large chamber room with Ra’s al Ghul at the other end looking every bit the Demon’s Head he was.

He seemed to delight in theatricality, Felicity noticed. There were sconces, whose flames were caged in with elaborate lanterns, flickering warm light along the cold stone walls. Rich, velvety, deep red drapery lined the edges of the room and ornately carved statues were placed in each corner.

At the head of the room stood Ra’s al Ghul with his hands behind his back, looking as if he’d been standing there for a thousand years simply waiting for this moment.

When he turned to face Felicity his eyes revealed no emotion, no hint of what he might be thinking. Instead, he simply stared at her, making her feel all the more like a stranger in a strange land.

When, finally, she couldn’t take it any longer Felicity broke the silence.

“Why did you bring me here?”

“You know why.” The reply was curt and instant; as if he knew the question before it even left her lips.

Felicity feigned ignorance, though the anger that seeped through her words was very real.

“All I know is that you traded me like I was your property, like I belonged to you! Oliver sacrificed himself for me and you still brought me here. You keep acting like I’m yours to do with as you please!”

“I am your father, it is my right.”

“You have no right to call yourself my father! You left us, when I was a kid you just packed up and left like we were nothing to you!”

Ra’s paused as if her words struck something in him. He moved forward and his long robes trailed along the ground behind him.

“You’re right” he said “I did leave you. You were my daughter and I abandoned you. I did so because I had an obligation to the League, because I owed my life to something greater than myself.” He stopped in front of her, close enough that she could see the blue of his eyes. “It is an obligation” He continued “That you now share.”

Felicity’s jaw clenched. She tried to hide how terrified his words made her, the idea that she owed anything to the League, to _him_ made her sick with fury. So instead, she focused on her anger. “I owe you nothing.” She spat out.

“I imagine you would think so, yes” he turned away from her “But the fact still remains that you are my daughter. And” he continued “As my daughter you have obligations to the League that must be fulfilled.” He stopped speaking and turned around to look at her once more. His eyes trailed over her body. “Including” His eyes landed on her stomach “Continuing my line.”

Felicity blanched, not expecting that response. She knew, of course, that he knew about the pregnancy, but the look in his eyes…it was almost predatory; as if some great gift had been dropped in his lap. He looked very much like a hawk that had just caught a mouse in his sharp talons, smug and proud of what he now held. It made Felicity almost sick with fear. A moment of doubt now crept into her mind, what exactly had she gotten herself and her child into? And what kind of future now stretched out before them? What if she couldn’t get them out of this?

_For Oliver for Oliver for Oliver_

Right. The words rang in her mind like an alarm. This was for Oliver. This was for her family. She wouldn’t give in now. She had to hold her head high and come up with a way out of this.

“I must say” Ra’s continued. He turned away from her, pacing as he spoke “I was a bit perturbed when I learned of your…situation; surprised even” He stopped in front of one of the statues in the room. An ornately carved woman draped in thin, gauzy fabric. She was looking up to the right, where the light was spilling in from a window high up near the ceiling, her eyes forever searching. It was a uniquely delicate statue for such an overbearing room. “I haven’t been surprised in a very long time” Ra’s finally said “And I didn’t miss it.” He paused and took a deep breath before turning around to face her again “Still, after some thought I began to see this for the blessing that it was.”

“Excuse me?” Felicity couldn’t help herself; the words flew out of her mouth before they even entered her brain.

“A blessing, child” He began “You will stay here as my daughter, as an honored member of the League.” He tilted his head down to look her in the eye “Then, when the time comes, you will give birth to this child and he or she will strengthen my line. You will help create a Dynasty that the League has not known in generations.”

Felicity’s breath caught in her throat. She backed away from him, horrified by his words. She shouldn’t have been surprised at all. In fact, she’d actually pictured having this exact conversation with him, but imagining something and actually experiencing it are very, very different things. She struggled to find her words.

“I don’t want to stay here. I don’t want to be your daughter and I will never _ever_ let you near my child.”

“Truthfully, I’d have been disappointed if you gave in so easily.” He replied “But in time you will come to see that my future is the only one for you.”

“Never” Felicity ground out.

A small, sad smile crossed Ra’s al Ghul’s face “When you’ve lived as long as I have, child, you come to realize that, that word” He shook his head “Has no meaning.”

He looked to a guard standing in the back corner of the room.

“Take her to her chamber.” He commanded “My daughter has much to think about.”

Felicity screamed as the guard grabbed her by the arms “Wait!” She cried out “Wait, just let me see Oliver! Please, please just take me to him.”

Ra’s grimaced, a cold, disappointed look crossed his face.

“Do you see?” He asked “How easily the proud young woman who stood before me just moments ago turns into a groveling mess? A beggar with no self worth. This” He pointed to her “This is what love does to you. It destroys you. It makes you weak” He shook his head and looked at her with cold eyes “I will not allow weakness into your life. I have taken steps to ensure that both of my daughters will be strong.” He looked at the guard holding Felicity “Take her away.”

Felicity screamed in protest as the guard dragged her forcefully out of the room.

>>\-------->

There were no clocks in her new bedchamber, though if Felicity had to guess she would probably say she’d been pacing back and forth for over an hour.

The room was grand, ridiculously grand. One wall was just shelves of glowing candles from floor to ceiling. There was heavy drapery all across the room, including the ridiculously large bed in the center, and a beautiful stained glass door lead to the balcony overlooking a small lake.

Felicity hated all of it. She hated everything it was and everything it stood for.

But that wasn’t what occupied for mind for the last hour. No, instead it was something that Ra’s said to her just before he kicked her out of the chamber room. He said that he’d taken steps to ensure that his daughters would be strong. _That’s_ what had her mind occupied.

If he thought that love was weakness, and he clearly did, then what did he mean when he’d said that he’d make sure both Felicity and Nyssa were strong? One thought crossed her mind, too horrible to dwell on, so she ignored it. She decided to center all of her hypotheses on the idea that both Oliver and Sara were still alive.

After all of her pacing and endless thinking she could come up with only one conclusion: Ra’s had both Oliver and Sara imprisoned somewhere within Nanda Parbat. He’d taken away the people that his daughters loved most in order to make them strong.

Surprisingly, this was good. It gave Felicity a reason to ask for help and now she stood a chance of getting Nyssa on her side, which meant that she might actually be able to get Oliver out of here.

>>\-------->

Felicity asked one of the guards outside her room to fetch Nyssa and, to her surprise, he did. What was even more surprising was that Nyssa actually came to the room.

When she did she wore a mask of suspicion and cool detachment. The two women both ignored the father shaped elephant in the room and, once the guard left, Felicity got right down to business.

“I need your help Nyssa.”

Of all the things Nyssa had been expecting Felicity to say, this clearly was not it. She looked surprised before her brow furrowed immediately.

“What could you possibly need my help for?”

“What’s happening here is wrong, and you know it.” Felicity began

“It is not my place to question—”

“I know you don’t want to question your father Nyssa, but please, think about what he’s doing. He brought me here to undermine your right as his heir. He wants to take my child away so that he can raise it as part of his army and” She paused, nervous to say the next part “And he took away the two people we both love the most.”

Nyssa, who had been looking away for most of Felicity’s rant, suddenly snapped her eyes back into focus. She looked at Felicity shrewdly.

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that he doesn’t want either of us to allow weakness into our lives. He told me that he would make us strong.” Felicity paused and took a deep breath “Nyssa, listen, there has to be a place where you keep people who are especially dangerous. Or maybe a place where your father would keep someone that he doesn’t want anyone to find? Someone he wouldn’t want _you_ to find. Do you have any idea where you father might keep someone like that?” Felicity asked.

“You mean someone like Sara?”

“Yes”

“You think my father has Sara?”

“He practically told me that he does.”

“Practically told you?” Nyssa let out a short, humorless laugh “My father likes to speak in riddles. I doubt what he really—”

“Have you reached out to her lately? Because I have and there’s nothing. I’ve searched for her and” Felicity shook her head “…Nothing. Has she contacted you at all?”

Nyssa paused, realization finally dawning on her face. Shock, then anger, then confusion all rolled across her face in an instant.

“I just thought—”

“She’s not ignoring you, Nyssa. She’s not hurt or angry at you, or any of it, she’s just captured. Your father has her here somewhere probably locked in a cage. And I’m guessing” Felicity said “That Oliver is somewhere nearby as well.”

Nyssa shook her head “I know where my father is keeping Oliver” She looked up at Felicity “Sara isn’t there.”

Then, Nyssa paused. A thought seemed to cross her mind and her eyes went wide.

“On second thought” Nyssa almost whispered “Perhaps I’m wrong. If what you’re saying is true, then I think I might know where my father is keeping Sara.”

“And Oliver?”

A smile crossed Nyssa’s face.

“And Oliver” She nodded.

A flood of relief crossed Felicity’s face at Nyssa’s words.

Suddenly, Nyssa’s face dropped and, with it, Felicity’s stomach did too.

“What, what is it?” Felicity asked.

“What exactly is your plan? Are we supposed to just sneak them out of Nanda Parbat right under my father’s nose?”

Felicity could tell by the disapproving tone in Nyssa’s voice that she thought this was a terrible idea. So, she didn’t admit that, yes that was about as far as her brilliant plan went.

“Knowing that they are here and being able to do something about it are different things, Felicity.” Nyssa continued “You don’t know my—” She paused “ _Our_ father like I do. Before we can come up with any sort of plan I have to know that Sara is really here. Disobeying my father has serious consequences and I won’t do it unless I’m certain that she is here.”

Felicity nodded “And if she is?”

“Then we will find a way to free them both.”

Felicity resisted the urge to hug the other woman. “Thank you, Nyssa.”

Nyssa moved to leave the room “Don’t thank me just yet” She replied over her shoulder “I still need to find out if Sara is really here.”

With that, Nyssa walked out of the room, closing the large door behind her.

Felicity’s heart was still racing in her chest as the door slid shut. She’d just taken a huge risk telling Nyssa the truth about her plans. She needed to trust that Nyssa would keep the secret even if turned out that Felicity was wrong about Sara.

“Desperate times,” Felicity muttered to herself shaking her head “Desperate measures.”

“I couldn’t have said it better myself” A voice replied from the shadows.

Felicity jumped in surprise as Malcolm Merlyn slipped out of the shadows by the balcony door and into the room. “What are you doing here?” She asked.

“Fulfilling my end of the bargain" He replied "I’m helping you get Oliver out of here.”

“By sneaking around in the shadows?” She questioned.

“Generally” Merlyn replied “Yes”.

Felicity fought the urge to roll her eyes “How long have you been here?”

“Long enough to know you’ve brought Nyssa al Ghul into all of this.”

“And you disapprove.” Felicity replied.

Merlyn smiled “On the contrary” he replied “I think it will be immensely helpful.” He walked further into the room, his keen eyes taking in the luxuriousness of the space. He eventually settled himself onto one of the plush cushions placed around the room “Now, let’s discuss details.”

And, God help her, Felicity did just that.

She took a deep breath before she sat down across from Malcolm Merlyn and began to plan her escape.


	17. Sister

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! It feels like it's been forever since I've had the time to write or post anything! Luckily my internship will be over in two weeks and then I'll have a little bit of free time before my semester starts, which means I'll be able to write more of the story!  
> I just wanted to thank everyone (for the 100th time) for their patience and understanding. You are all the best readers and I'm so grateful that you're enjoying this story! Your comments and kudos after the last chapter really made me happy, so thank you.  
> Anyway, I hope you like where this chapter goes and enjoy!

There are only so many times you can tell yourself to calm down and breathe before the words start to sound hollow and bland. Before the mantra becomes this empty echoing sound you repeat over and over and over again in your mind. Shortly after that the words start to enrage you in a primal way you didn’t realize words could. Soon, it doesn’t take long before a sort of soul crushing combination of frustration, anxiety and self-loathing mixes together and boils in your veins. Before you know it you feel helpless, alone and worse than when you started.

Felicity had been feeling this way for a few hours and it seemed like her mind wasn’t going to let up anytime soon. She found herself switching between pacing around the room and sitting on the large bed wringing her hands together over and over again. Nothing seemed to ease the turmoil in her mind.  

What was she doing? How had she gotten here? How did everything get so _messed up_ in just a few months? How was an entire lifetime reduced to rubble in the span of only a few weeks?

And the big question, the one burning through her mind, would Nyssa help her out or give her in? Would she be able to get Oliver out? Or were they both trapped here, destined to live and die in this desolate, soulless place?

A knock broke Felicity from her thoughts.

Though the knock was just a formality, because the young serving girl walked immediately into the room without a response from Felicity to do so; she was slight, Felicity noted, and she looked young, perhaps too young to start training for the League.

Felicity could only hope.

The girl kept her head down as she walked across the room; she had chin length, roughly shewn hair that fell into her eyes as she walked. She deposited a pile of neatly folded silks onto Felicity’s dresser, turned, bowed slightly in Felicity’s general direction, and then walked out. Felicity walked closer to inspect the fabric and noticed a small note place on top of the pile.

_Your presence is requested at dinner, my daughter, and I expect that you will dress appropriately._

Felicity shook her head and dropped the note on the dresser. No, absolutely not, if he thought for one second that she was just going to give up and play the obedient daughter as if—

Another knock, this one louder and more insistent, but just as before, the person knocking didn’t wait for a response before walking into the room to speak with Felicity.

“Do people in Nada Parbat not know what a knock means?” Felicity questioned.

Nyssa al Ghul didn’t deign to respond. Instead, she merely stood in front of Felicity with a strange expression on her face.

Felicity suddenly felt nervous. “What is it?” She asked.

Nyssa looked somewhere between excited and angry. After a moment she replied.

“She’s here”

Felicity felt her legs go weak and moved to sit down on the edge of the bed. She’d known logically that Sara was likely to be here, but knowing and _knowing_ are different things. Sara was here, which meant that Nyssa would help them get out safely. They had a chance.

“She’s here” Felicity repeated “So you found her. Is she okay? Where are they keeping her?”

Nyssa shifted uncomfortably, as if the questions upset her “In a cell” She replied after a moment “One that my father taught me from a young age never to go near. You were right, Felicity” She said “It’s the one place he designed to keep people away from me.”

There was vulnerability in Nyssa’s eyes when she looked up at Felicity. It was a weakness Felicity had never seen in the other woman before. It wrenched her heart.

“Nyssa, I’m sorry—”

Nyssa shook her head; it seemed an apology was the last thing she wanted.

A cold mask dropped over her face.

“It does not matter. The only thing that matters is that I found Sara before it was too late.” Nyssa’s face softened “And that was because of you.”

Felicity paused, unsure of how to respond. She felt like her breath was caught in her chest and she couldn’t remember how to make her lungs work. She couldn’t bring herself to ask the question burning through her mind _and what about Oliver?_ Luckily, she didn’t have to ask, because Nyssa responded a moment later.

“I will honor the promise I made to you, Felicity. Together we’ll help Oliver and Sara escape from this place.”

All the air left Felicity’s lungs in one long _whoosh_.

“Really?” She asked “You’re sure about this? Even though it means betraying your father?”

Nyssa took a step toward Felicity “He locked up the woman I love and left her to rot in a cell” She lowered her chin so that her eyes were level with Felicity’s “I’m certain”

Felicity nodded, finally feeling like she was on somewhat solid ground for the first time since she got to this place. She felt steeled by the resolve she saw in Nyssa’s eyes.

“Good” She replied “Then before we make plans, there’s something—err, _someone_ —that I should tell you about—”

A rustling came from the balcony window.

“That sounds like my cue” A voice cut through the room.

Nyssa drew a dagger and turned toward the sound.

“Merlyn” She bit out.

“Nyssa” Merlyn said as he stepped down into the room. He landed gracefully on his feet and strolled slowly into the room. A sly smile crept across his face “It looks like we’re going to be allies.”

Nyssa turned an icy glare in Felicity’s direction “Is this your doing? Are you _working_ with him?”

“I don’t like it any more than you, but I didn’t have a choice.”

“Ladies, please” Merlyn replied, holdings his hands up “Can we focus on the task at hand?”

Nyssa held still for a long moment with her dagger pointed at Merlyn’s heart. After a long pause, she finally relented and lowered her arm. “Fine” She agreed “But if you betray—”

“If I betray you” Merlyn interrupted “You’ll have to get in line behind her if you want to carve out my heart.” Merlyn’s gaze flicked over to Felicity.

Nyssa looked between Felicity and Merlyn, gauging their expressions. Felicity’s look was icy cold and intense, Nyssa’s eyes switched back and forth between Felicity and Malcolm, finally she nodded.

“Good.” She said “Then let us make a plan.”

>>\-------->

An hour later Felicity dressed for dinner.

She picked up the delicate silks from where they rested on her dresser and carried them across the room. They really were beautiful, she admitted reluctantly to herself as she laid them out on the bed. All jewel toned silks and glittering embroidery that caught the candlelight in an almost enchanting way. Felicity stared down at the clothes in front of her and, while they were beautiful, they still represented a place where death was a way of life. It was for that reason Felicity dreaded the idea of putting them on.

Finally, she let out a long sigh and reached out to slip the dress over her head.

When Felicity was fully dressed a short while later she stood in front of a small mirror and stared at her reflection. She looked, and felt, remarkably unlike herself. Her blonde hair was covered by a thin, gauzy, dark veil that draped over her shoulders and down her back. The long silk dress was beautiful, but fit tightly enough around her middle that her slightly swollen belly was clear for all to see. She felt like she was on display as Ra’s al Ghul’s property and everyone would know.

A guard arrived and took her down to dinner.

The dining room was lit by what must have been hundreds of candles along the walls and across the table. The food looked and smelled amazing and the scents and sights were almost overwhelming. At the head of the table Ra’s al Ghul stood dressed in his long robes. He smiled when Felicity entered.

“Welcome, my child” He began “I’m happy you decided to attend.”

Nyssa, having arrived earlier, sat in a seat to the right of Ra’s. He pointed to the seat at his left “Please” He said “Sit”.

Felicity did as commanded and took her seat and servants immediately began to put food onto plates and pour wine into cups.

Ra’s began to speak. He talked mostly about the League and his plans for its future, plans that involved Felicity. And during all of his speech she picked sparingly at her food, too nervous to eat much of anything, but Ra’s al Ghul’s sharp eyes missed nothing.

“Are you feeling unwell?” He finally asked, noticing her plate.

Felicity put her fork down “I guess I’m just not very hungry.”

“Even so” Ra’s replied “You should eat, your child needs nourishment.” A sly smile crossed his face and he looked toward Nyssa “I’m sure your sister would agree with me.”

Nyssa, who had been growing more and more tense since dinner began, finally slammed down her wine glass.

“She is no sister of mine.”

Ra’s look unsurprised by her outburst “She is your blood, _my_ blood.” He replied calmly.

“She does not belong here. You brought her here to undermine my rightful place as your heir. You never wanted me to lead, not since Sara, but it is my birthright and I will not see it taken away by an outsider.” Nyssa spat out the last word, as if it tasted foul. She didn’t give Ra’s or Felicity a chance to respond before she stood up from her seat and stormed out of the room.

After a long, tense moment of silence Ra’s spoke again “I apologize for her outburst, she has not taken the news of your presence here well.”

Felicity wasn’t sure what to say, so she kept her mouth shut. She had a tendency to say the wrong thing at the wrong time and she _certainly_ didn’t want to do that now.

Ra’s looked at her closely, his eyes scrutinizing. “You look tired”

“I’m fine” Felicity replied, avoiding his gaze.

Ra’s looked to the guard standing by the door and motioned for him to come over. “Take my daughter to her room.” He looked back to Felicity “You should rest; I’ll not have you strain yourself or my future grandchild.”

Felicity ignored the way his words sat heavy in her chest and nodded as she rose to leave. The guard ushered her toward the door and stayed with her all the way back to her room.

Once inside she locked the door and turned around to rest against it. She pulled off the veil and rested her head against the door.

“You’re back sooner than I expected” Nyssa replied from the other side of the room.

Felicity opened her eyes “You know” She began “That’s the second time since I was brought here that he’s sent me to my room.”

“Well it certainly sounds like he’s your father then” Malcolm Merlyn replied as he too stepped out of the shadows.

The two assassins were dressed in full gear and made an imposing pair as they stood before Felicity.

She stopped leaning against the door and stood fully upright. “Are we ready to go?” she asked.

They both nodded “Everything is in place” Malcolm replied, more serious than before.

“Good” Felicity replied “Then it’s time for us to get the hell out of here.”

With that said the three of them snuck out of the room, onto the balcony and down toward the cells.


	18. Fears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thank you so much for being patient while I updated this story! So many things happened over the last few weeks, not the least of which is that my new apartment has no internet! However, I'm finally able to update this fic which I'm super excited about.  
> I just wanted to thank the people who left such kind comments on the last chapter and everyone who left kudos. You guys are 100% my motivation to keep writing and I just wanted to thank you for all the support, because it really does mean the world to me.  
> With that said, I hope you enjoy the new chapter!

Oliver Queen woke up tied to a table.

His eyes snapped open and his body jerked forward only to be stopped in its momentum by the ties holding him down to the stone surface. He looked frantically around the room, trying to make sense of his surroundings. He wore only the torn pair of trousers he’d been wearing for the last few weeks and his bare feet were tied down around the ankles at the end of the table. He fought against the restraints holding him down, he tugged and tugged but they refused to budge. The ropes didn’t even give him the decency of groaning in restraint as he pulled. It seemed that he was trapped and he was trapped _effectively_.

How did he get here? What was he doing before he woke? Where was he? Why did—

A rustling on the other side of the room caught his attention and his head snapped to the side toward the sound. Felicity walked gently into the room and Oliver’s breath caught in his chest. At first his weary mind couldn’t make sense of the sight before him, because she just couldn’t be there. She couldn’t possibly be there…and yet, there she was. Felicity walked slowly into the room with her bare feet gliding soundlessly over the stone floor as she moved toward him. She wore a long, sheer cream colored dress that showed the curves of her figure as she walked. Oliver was speechless, seeing her before him was everything he needed. He felt like a dying man in the desert who just had his first glimpse at water.

She was lifesaving.

But something was wrong. Something nagged at the back of his mind, a warning that was just out of reach.

Felicity finally made eye contact with him and a small smile crossed her face. She took a few more steps and was close enough to reach out and gently, softly graze her hand along his cheek, then neck, then chest; it was a lover’s caress that traced along his bare skin and left a trail of fire in its wake.

Oliver finally found his voice “Felicity—” he croaked through hoarse and unused vocal chords.

“Shhh….” Felicity whispered, gently cutting him off. She looked up at him then and her eyes were so earnest and full of hope and trust that Oliver found himself closing his mouth. If she didn’t want him to speak, then he damn well wasn’t going to make a sound.

The warning bells in the back of his mind got louder, though no easier to pinpoint. So he continued to ignore them, choosing instead to focus on the woman standing before him.

His arms strained against the ropes, eager—no _desperate_ to touch her, to feel her skin beneath his palms, to know that she was real and whole and alive. But the best he could do was drink her in and hope that he felt her gentle touch on his skin once more.

She didn’t disappoint. Her hand moved softly, but firmly down his chest tracing the lines of his tattoos as she went. Oliver felt her movements as if she were branding him with the tips of her fingers, but his mind wasn’t focused on that. Instead, it was focused on the way her fingertips trailed along the waist of his pants, teasing, testing. Suddenly, and without warning, her hand slipped inside his pants so she could grip the length of him in her palm.

Oliver gasped; he’d gone so long without her touch that the shock of suddenly feeling her hands around him nearly overwhelmed his senses. That is, until she shifted herself around so that she was straddling his hips. She unbuttoned the tops of his pants and freed him from the confines of his torn trousers. Oliver was desperate to reach forward and trace his hands long the soft skin of her thigh, but his hands were still bound to the table.

Hands. Ropes. Warning bells.

Suddenly, Felicity dropped her weight down so that he was sheathed fully inside of her warmth.

Oliver let out a strangled cry as the shock and pleasure rolled up his spine in one incredible sensation.

Felicity began to move. She rolled her hips along his; quickly meeting him thrust for thrust. Their bodies moved together in the same easy harmony they’d shared before. Almost as if they were made to fit together.

Oliver felt like his heart had stopped beating in his chest. Feeling her warmth surrounding him was like coming home. There was something so _right_ about being inside of her that he felt like he couldn’t breathe. He wanted to lose himself in her completely, but instead, his mind zeroed in on the tears pricking the corner of Felicity’s eyes.

“Felicity…?” He began. So much was wrapped in that question, so many things he wanted to say boiled down to that one word.

Felicity avoided his gaze, taking in a few deep breaths before she finally slid off of him and stepped back. Oliver felt cold without her surrounding him, without her filling all of his senses.

Felicity spoke, “You left us Oliver. You did what promised you would never do and you left all of us the first chance you got.” She shook her head, her facing going from sad to livid in a split second. Her usually gentle features twisted into something pinched and angry, a foreign look on her face “I should have known better, I should have known you’d run away. It’s what you do. You leave people behind so you can be the hero, but what kind of hero leaves his unborn baby behind? What kind of man abandons his child? I believed in you Oliver, but you’re not the man I thought you were.”

She backed away from him, fury now rolling off of her in waves. “You’re a coward.”

The words cut like a knife straight into his heart.

“Felicity why are you—”

“Because it’s the truth.” She replied, cutting him off “Because it took me a few years but I finally see who you really are.” She crossed her arms in front of her “Your love is poison, Oliver. Everything you touch is destroyed by it.”

The words hit Oliver harder than a solid blow, because they were everything he said to himself in his worst moments; the words he whispered to himself in the darkest parts of the night. The most excruciating part was hearing them come from the mouth of the woman he loved most.

It was a torture he never expected and couldn’t bear.

“Felicity” Oliver began “This isn’t you—”

“Open your eyes, Oliver” Felicity whispered “You can’t push people away and pull them back over and over without something breaking along the way. _You_ are the one who destroyed anything good between us, not me. You destroyed everything that—”

Felicity stopped speaking and her eyes widened in surprise. The next three seconds felt like they lasted an eternity.

Oliver registered the sound of a bowstring snapping a split second before the first arrow pierced Felicity’s chest. His own howl of pain and rage mixed with Felicity’s strangled half cry as her hand flew to her chest. The second one landed a moment later, followed immediately by a third arrow; three arrows protruding out of her chest.

Felicity’s hand hovered vaguely around the arrows as her mouth hung open in shock. Her legs buckled a moment later as she fell to the ground. Oliver couldn’t hear anything over the sounds of his own screams calling Felicity’s name over and over again. He wanted to reach out to her, to hold her in his arms, but he was still powerless to move.

He was utterly powerless to do anything but watch her die in front of him.

His head turned to the other side of the room to see who fired the arrows. His heart dropped into his stomach, because when he turned to look across the room he saw himself standing there; he was dressed as the Arrow with his bow at his side. His hood was low covering his face, but Oliver had no doubt in his mind that he was the one who killed Felicity.

His eyes moved back to look at her. She was laying on the ground with a small pool of blood forming around her. Oliver’s heart felt like it had been ripped straight out of his chest.

_Please_ he begged to nothing and no one in particular _Please this can’t be real. Just take me instead. Let me die, just don’t take her away._

>>\-------->

Felicity had never been inside of a secret underground tunnel before and she supposed it would have been cool under different circumstances. These, however, were not those circumstances. Currently, she was more focused on finding Oliver and getting out of here as fast as humanly possible than she was on how cool it was being in an actual underground passageway.

Felicity snuck down a long, stone tunnel with Nyssa in front of her and Merlyn behind. She followed closely behind Nyssa and tried to keep a mental map of all the twists and turns they made, but it was proving surprisingly difficult.

“Are you sure you know where you’re going?” Felicity eventually whispered to Nyssa “Because I’m _pretty_ sure I’ve seen that brown, kinda-looks-like-blood stain on the wall twice now and I’m not saying that I don’t trust your sense of direction, it’s just that—”

“Felicity” Nyssa turned around and whispered harshly.

Felicity stopped dead in her tracks and widened her eyes “Right” she replied “Sorry”

“We need to move down this tunnel for a little while longer and then we’ll be able to split up.”

“Split up?” Felicity questioned “Why are we splitting up?”

It was Malcolm answered that question “The two of you are going to get Sara and Oliver while I head down to the back tunnel to make sure we have a means of escape. We’ll all meet down there once it’s time to leave.”

Felicity looked to Nyssa for confirmation and the other woman simply nodded her head once before speaking “We should keep moving”.

The three of them kept moving down the tunnels, keeping an eye out for anyone that might spot them sneaking by. When they reached a fork in the tunnels Merlyn and Nyssa whispered something to each other before Merlyn disappeared quickly down the tunnel to the right. Nyssa and Felicity went left.

Nyssa and Felicity traveled alone down a few more winding passageways. Felicity, already on high alert, couldn’t help but twitch at every flicker of a candle on the wall or shadow that danced across her path. She wasn’t used to traveling without electricity and the constantly moving flames set her on edge; it made her feel like they weren’t really alone. Finally, when her nerves felt like they were at a breaking point, Nyssa stopped them. She backed up close to the wall and Felicity followed suit.

Felicity could see two guards on either side of an iron gate and they were standing at alert with their hands on their weapons. However, they were so still that Felicity wasn’t 100% certain that they _weren’t_ statues.

“Felicity” Nyssa whispered harshly “I need you to close your eyes.”

“I—you—what?” Felicity replied, confused.

“You’re not going to like what I’m about to do.”

Felicity looked to the guards and back to Nyssa. “Will it get Oliver back?” she asked weakly.

“Yes” Nyssa replied.

Felicity took a deep breath and her face hardened “Then do it” she replied.

Nyssa crept forward with her hand on her dagger and took out the first guard before he even knew she was there. The second guard, now alerted to her presence, attempted to fight back for a brief moment before Nyssa slit his throat and dropped him to the ground.

Nyssa was right. Felicity didn’t like it, but she’d run out of choices a long time ago. So she slipped out of her hiding place while Nyssa bent down to the second guard to pull a key off of his belt.

“This should open the door” Nyssa replied. She turned around and slipped the key into the lock, turning it so that the lock sprang open. With a slight creak the door slid open and revealed Oliver inside of the cell. He was lying on his side on the ground with a distressed, almost pained look on his face.

“Oliver!” Felicity cried as she rushed into the small room. She fell to her knees beside him and cradled his head in her lap. “Oh god, Oliver please wake up, or say something, or do something.” She looked him up and down, his clothes were torn and he was covered in dirt, but she couldn’t see any visible wounds. His brow was coated in a fine sweat and he made a small distressed sound in his sleep. Felicity gently stroked his cheek “Oliver” She whispered “What did he do to you?”

Oliver’s breathing grew faster “F—Felicity, please—”

Felicity’s eyes widened “Oliver, I’m here! I’m here, you’re okay. Please” She begged “Please wake up Oliver.”

Oliver’s eyes, previously closed and twitching, suddenly sprang open. In the same moment he leapt to his feet, knocking Felicity backwards slightly as he sprung out of her grasp. He looked around the cell like a wild, caged animal clutching onto the wall for support as he did so. He seemed unable to make sense of his surroundings.

“Oliver” Felicity called out “We’re here to help.”

When Oliver’s eyes finally landed on her, Felicity expected to see joy or relief. Instead, she saw fear and confusion cloud his features. The blood drained from his face and he looked like he was staring at a ghost.

“Felicity?” He asked

Felicity rose to her feet “It’s me Oliver. Nyssa and I are here to free you.”

Oliver’s brow furrowed in confusion. “You can’t be here” He replied “You died.”

“What?” Felicity breathed out.

“I watched you die.” He said. Then his eyes darkened “I killed you.” His voice dropped an octave when he said the last part.

“I’m not dead, Oliver” Felicity replied moving toward him “I’m just as real as you are.”

He shook his head and backed away from her “No, I shot you. You can’t be here.”

Felicity kept moving toward him until he was backed into a corner. The closer she got the more she could see how clouded his eyes were.

What _had_ Ra’s done to him?

From behind her Nyssa said a word that Felicity didn’t understand. “What?” She replied turning around.

“It’s a poison” Nyssa explained “One that the League is particularly fond of. It makes you see your greatest fear and it would seem that this is Oliver’s.” She dipped her head down “My—“ Nyssa caught herself “ _Our_ father must have been dosing him with it slowly over the last few weeks. Punishment I suppose, for Oliver's wrongdoings”

Felicity turned back around to look at Oliver; his eyes were haunted and distant as if he were still trapped in that nightmare. They simply did not have time for this; they had to get out of here _._ Now.

“Oliver” Felicity said firmly “Look at me.”

Oliver reluctantly dragged his eyes to her face; it looked as if the action physically pained him. Felicity grabbed his hand and placed it on her chest, right over her heart.

“Do you feel that, Oliver?” She asked, knowing he could feel her heart thundering inside her chest “That means that I am _here_ and _alive_. This isn’t a trick or a game. I came here for you, because it’s time for you to come home. You have to snap out of this Oliver” She said “For me” She moved his hand down to her slightly swollen stomach “For us. We need you to come home now.”

Oliver blinked rapidly a few times, as if trying to clear his mind. He shook his head slightly back and forth and when he finally looked at Felicity once more his eyes were less clouded than before.

He reached forward and cupped her cheek “Felicity…?” He asked. His voice was so desperate and hopeful that it made Felicity’s breath catch in her throat. All she could do was nod in response.

He pulled her into a tight, almost crushing embrace, but Felicity didn’t care in the slightest and she clutched onto him just as tightly in response. They held onto each other for a long moment, neither of them moving, both just grateful to be in each other’s presence once again.

Finally, Nyssa spoke “We need to get moving if we want to have any chance of escape.”

“Right” Felicity replied, stepping back from Oliver, but she kept her hand firmly in his “Are you okay to walk?”

Oliver cupped her face once again and stared at her like she was the very air he breathed, he took a deep breath in and out, then looked to Nyssa.

“What’s the plan?” He asked

“Next” Nyssa replied “We rescue Sara.”


	19. Merciful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!!  
> I'm SO SORRY it took me this long to update the story!  
> I promise I haven't forgotten it and, even though its taking longer than I expected, I will definitely be finishing this story.  
> With that said, THANK YOU for all the support. I've had an absolute crazy few months and I'm so excited to finally have the time to sit down and write a little.  
> I hope you like this chapter and, with any luck, I'll have another one up for you in the next month or so!  
> Enjoy!

In retrospect, it should have been clear from the start that all of this was too easy, that maybe everything was going just a little too well, that maybe they should have expected things to take a turn for the worse. On another night, under difference circumstances Felicity would have noticed immediately that things seemed to be going too smoothly, but tonight just wasn’t one of those nights.

Instead, she was focused on Oliver and how he still seemed dazed, as if the effects of whatever drug he’d been given hadn’t yet completely worn off. There was a fine sheet of sweat coating his brow and his movements seemed stiff and pained. Felicity kept herself close to him, unable to bring herself to move away from his side as they followed Nyssa through the winding tunnels.

“Where are we going, exactly?” Oliver eventually asked.

Nyssa responded without turning her head or slowing her pace “To the one place my father forbade me from going ever since I was a child.”

“Which is?”

At that Nyssa stopped in her tracks “My mother’s old room” she responded over her shoulder. She made eye contact briefly with Oliver and a look of understanding passed between the two.

“Your father is keeping Sara there.” Oliver replied.

Nyssa nodded once, before turning around and continuing her pace.

Felicity and Oliver followed her in silence through winding tunnels and dark hallways until they finally stopped in front of a large stone door.

The door was nearly as wide as it was tall. Dark and regal, was carved with intricate details that stood out in delicate contrast to the obsidian surface. Elaborate designs linked and wove their way around the door ending in a circular pattern that wrapped itself around the handle, where Nyssa’s hand hovered nervously. Hesitating.

Felicity stepped forward “Nyssa” She began gently “I know you’re probably scared of what you might—or might not, find in there, but if Sara is inside that room then she needs you.”

Nyssa looked over her shoulder back at Felicity; her eyes were filled with doubt. “And what if she is not inside?”

Felicity’s reply was quick and sure “Then we keep looking.”

Nyssa seemed to consider her words for a moment before turning around and testing the handle of the door. Expecting it to be locked, they were all surprised when the handle slid down and the door swung open with ease.

Tension filled Felicity’s body at the sight. Something was wrong and it seemed that Oliver could sense it too. His whole body went rigid as the door swung open and he moved slightly to position himself in front of Felicity.

Everything that happened next seemed to take place in an instant, or an eternity, Felicity wasn’t quite sure which.

They moved slowly into the room with Nyssa at the front and Felicity at the back. Just past Oliver’s shoulder Felicity could see Sara sitting on the ornate bed in the center of the room; her hands were bound behind her back and her mouth was gagged. Her eyes widened as the three entered the room and she desperately began trying to speak through the gag in her mouth.

But it was too late.

As soon as Felicity’s foot crossed the threshold into the room the large door slammed shut behind her and the room burst into frenzied commotion.

Two assassins rushed in toward them from the side of the room a dagger in each of their hands.

Oliver’s first and only thought was of keeping Felicity safe. He reacted without thinking and grabbed Felicity and pushed her behind him. Her back hit the wall and she seemed to try to almost sink into it as the first assassin came straight for Oliver.

The dagger in the assassin’s hand went straight for Oliver’s throat.

Every instinct honed over 8 years kicked in and Oliver grabbed the assassin’s arm and twisted it hard and painfully until the other man let out a cry of anguish. The dagger made a metallic clang as it hit the floor. Oliver brought his knee up and slammed it straight into the assassin’s face, instantly drawing blood. He threw the man to the floor and bent down to pick up the dagger.

A woman’s cry came from across the room and Oliver’s head snapped in the direction.

A third assassin was in the room, dragging Sara by her hair as Nyssa fought off another intruder. Nyssa was doing her best to fight off her attacker, but when a fourth person came in and swung a sword at her she was helpless to do anything for Sara. She managed to hold off the two assassins, but she could do nothing as Sara was dragged across the room.

Sara, for all that she was tied up, still managed to get in a few blows against her attacker. Still, the fact that she was unarmed and bound caught up with her quickly and she was knocked down by the assassin.

“Oliver!” Felicity cried out.

Oliver’s heart sank as he turned toward the sound. He’d been so distracted by Sara and Nyssa that he’d taken his eyes off of Felicity and God knows what happened because of his carelessness.

Something metallic and shiny swung past his face and he heard a grunt. Confused he turned around to see Felicity standing next to him with a candle stick in her hands and the man who just tried to attack him in a heap on the ground.

Felicity swallowed hard, her eyes wide, “Look out?” she said weakly.

The feeling of pure relief that flood through him lasted for only a moment.

Four more men came in from the back of the room.

They rushed around the corner armed to the teeth and looking for blood. Four men. That meant there were seven of them left to fight and only Oliver, Felicity and Nyssa able to fight back. They were vastly outnumbered and too unarmed to stand a chance of fighting their way out. Oliver grabbed Felicity and pulled her as close to him, but as far away from the approaching assassins as he could. She pressed herself up against him, holding herself tightly to his side.

Oliver dropped the dagger he’d been holding and held up his hands “Stop” he called out “We surrender. Just don’t hurt Felicity or Sara”.

A tall, thickly built assassin with a dark hood approached Oliver. He reached for his side and swung the blade of his sword at Oliver’s throat. The edge of the blade stopped inches away from his skin, but Oliver didn’t flinch away.

“You’re in no place to be making demands of us.” The man bit out.

Felicity pushed herself forward “No” She replied “But I am.” She squared her shoulders and tilted her chin up “Take me to see my father” She commanded “And I want all of us to be alive when you do it. Do I make myself clear?”

>>\-------->

Felicity wagered, as the guards _dragged_ them through the hallways, that perhaps she should have added the word ‘gently’ to her demands. The man pulling her along decided that the best method would be to hold both of her wrists in one of his large hands and tug and she could feel the bruises forming already.

Finally, they arrived back the large hall, and Felicity felt her heart begin to race once more.  

Ra’s stood in the center of the room, a lone figure among the stones and statues.

“Take my daughters and Ta-er al Safar away" He demanded "I wish to speak with Oliver.”

“No” Felicity said, stepping forward “It’s time that you and I spoke”

Ra’s looked her over slowly with ancient, cold eyes.

“You have disappointed me, my child, and it is time that you learned respect.” He looked at a guard for the briefest of moments before Felicity felt herself being dragged out of the room. She struggled against the arms that held her, though she knew she stood little chance of escaping.

It took every ounce of strength in Oliver’s body not to tackle the guard and throw him against a wall for laying hands on Felicity.

Finally, with a resounding boom, the large door closed shut and Oliver and Ra’s were alone in the dim room.

Ra’s stood in silence for a moment, before stepping forward. He circled Oliver like a hawk circling its prey, slowly and carefully he moved around him. “Tell me” Ra’s finally said “What is it that you saw?”

Oliver chose not to reply. Instead, he stood still with his back straight and stared at the wall in front of him.

“We both know that I’ve been dosing you with poison for several weeks now” Ra’s continued “What I want to know is simple, what did that poison make you see?”

Oliver titled his chin up, still refusing to speak. No good could come out of revealing information to Ra’s, all it would do is give him more ammunition to fire.

“Silence will do you no good now” Ra’s replied “And you’re in no position to negotiate. So might I suggest that it is in your best interest to start doing as I say?” Ra’s stood right in front of Oliver, staring him directly in the eye. “Tell me what you saw.”

Oliver clenched his jaw so tightly that it hurt. He took a deep breath in and let it out slowly before finally responding. “I saw Felicity” he began “I saw myself kill her.”

“Good” Ra’s Al Ghul nodded “As I suspected.”

>>\-------->

Felicity couldn’t tell if she waited outside that room for a minute or a lifetime. She felt sick to her stomach with worry for Oliver. She’d only just gotten him back, she couldn’t lose him again.

She wouldn’t.

The large doors opened up.

“He will see you now” A young woman declared.

Felicity walked into the room, long strides taking her quickly across the floor.

“Where is Oliver” She demanded “What did you do to him?”

“That” Ra’s said, turning to face her “Is no longer your concern”

“Of course it’s my concern” Felicity countered “If you’ve laid one hand—”

“Hush.” Ra’s commanded “You _will_ learn to respect me. Your behavior has been abhorrent and I will not have you raising my grandchild in the same fashion.”

Felicity could feel her heart racing, thundering really, inside of her chest as an uncontrollable, seething, white hot rage ran through her veins like wildfire.

“How dare you.” She bit out “I would rather die than let you touch my child.”

Ra’s stared at her, studying her face closely with soul searing eyes. “Yes” He finally said “I can see that. There’s a fire, a…determination within you.” He tilted his head to the side and a small smile ticked the corner of his mouth “Your mother had the same fire within her; it’s what drew me to her to begin with.” His face dropped. “It’s less charming now.”

Dread flooded through Felicity’s body.

“You will learn to be obedient” Ra’s continued “Or you will suffer the consequences.” He took Felicity’s face in one of his hands, his long fingers squeezing painfully into her jaw “I am merciful, child, but I am not soft. Do not mistake the two again.”

He squeezed her face even tighter for a moment before dropping his hand.

“Take her to her chamber.” He demanded “And see to it that she does not leave again.”


	20. A Wild Plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I'm finally able to post an update and I'm sorry that it took so long!  
> Hopefully I'll be saying that less and less, given that I am one week shy of graduating with my IT degree!  
> In the meantime, I hope you like this update and know that I still have every intention of finishing this story.  
> I wanted to say thank you to everyone for reading this, your comments and kind words are the sole reason I'm powering through and trying to finish this story. So thank you for being patient with me!  
> With that said, I hope you enjoy the new chapter!

Felicity tried to fight.

Two men took her, each one grabbing one of her arms, and dragged her out of the large room. Felicity, for her part, tried to fight them as best she could, but she was no match for their strength.

“You can’t do this!” She screamed back at Ra’s, over and over as her feet dragged over the stone floor. “I won’t let you do this!”

Sharp pain clawed up her feet and into her ankles as she tried to dig her heels into the ground and resist. She thrashed her body and tried to wrench free, but her efforts yielded no results, and she was dragged out of the room.

Ra’s stood statue still and never even so much as blinked as she was taken away. The cold look in his eyes was the last thing Felicity saw before the large doors shut behind her.

She was unceremoniously tossed into her chambers and could hear the large bolt on the door lock into place as she fell to the ground.

Felicity scrambled to her feet, her body sore from the rough treatment, and ran toward the door. She tried uselessly to open the large handle knowing it was bolted shut and found, of course, that it wouldn’t move.

“Damn it” she cursed “Damn it, damn it, damn it” She pounded her fist ineffectively against the wooden frame and sank down to the ground. The cold of the stone floor soaked through her clothes instantly and took up residence in her bones. How was she back here already? How had everything gone so wrong?

What was she going to do next?

That was the big, million dollar question, really. How was she going to find her way out of this mess? Simply rolling over and giving in to Ra’s was absolutely not an option. She meant it when she said she’d rather die than let him take her baby.

And she really wasn’t interested in dying any time soon.  So, that left her only one choice:

Figure out a plan.

>>\-------->

If Oliver had to guess, if he really had to give a number, he would probably say that he’d been back in this cell for a full day, maybe two.

Though he really had no way of knowing for sure, given the lack of sunlight or…well…anything, really.

That is apart from the thick metal chains tying him to the floor. The cell certainly didn’t lack for those.

The long hours of silence were broken only by the sound of his chains rattling around in the darkness, and perhaps the occasional scuttling of a rat or mouse running by. So, it was for that reason why he was so surprised and confused when he heard a new and different shuffling sound come from his right.

Oliver’s head turned in the direction, but he said nothing as the sound moved closer. However, it took him only a second to recognize the pattern in the footsteps.

“You know” he rasped, his throat dry “One of these days you’re going to get caught sneaking around this place.”

A scoff came from the darkness “Well, you’re awfully snarky for a man in a cell.”

“It’s not my first cell”

Malcolm stepped forward “No, I don’t suppose it is.” He paused and stared at Oliver hunched over and sitting on the floor. “Aren’t you the least bit curious as to why I came here?”

Oliver shrugged, his chains rattling ever so slightly in response “If you were here to free me I’d be free already, which means you’re here for something else.” He lifted his head to look at Malcolm “So I’m not really interested in why you’re here” He dropped his head to look back down at the chains around his wrists.

Malcolm clasped his hands behind his back, pursed his lips and nodded his head “Hmm…I suppose knowing that I’m here about Felicity wouldn’t happen to change your mind?”

Oliver’s head snapped up in an instant.

“Ahh” Malcolm drawled “There’s the spark that’s been missing.”

“What about Felicity?” Oliver practically growled.

“Ra’s has her tucked away, trapped in her room until she learns to be more obedient. Meanwhile” He continued “You just sit here and rot away in this cell. Not a lot of good you can do from here.”

“Get to the point, Malcolm”

“Right” Malcolm replied “Patience was never one of your _innumerable_ skills.” He took a deep breath before continuing “Ra’s is going to put you on trial. You were his prisoner and you tried to escape. Oh, and might I add that since you were assisted by his two daughters the full blame for this will land on you. He’ll find you guilty and he’ll have you executed for what you’ve done.”

“I don’t see what this has to do with helping Felicity”

Malcolm took a moment to be sure Oliver saw the annoyed look cross his face before continuing to speak.

“You _see_ ” He said “There’s a chance you can get out of this. You could have a trial by combat. If you and Ra’s duel you’ll stand a better chance of surviving than if you go into this trial and await Ra’s al Ghul’s judgement. If you win, you become the new Ra’s and you can free Felicity from this place.”

“And if I lose then Felicity is trapped here for the rest of her life. I can’t play those odds, Malcolm, not when her life, not when _our child’s_ life is at risk.”

Malcolm swept his arm out dramatically “I don’t know if you’ve looked around lately, Oliver, but you’re not exactly drowning in options here.”

“Malcolm” Oliver clenched his jaw and let out a breath through his teeth “I’m hardly in a position to fight Ra’s al Ghul. I’m weak, I’m tired and I haven’t trained once since I arrived. I’ll lose in a second.”

“If that’s all you’re worried about” Malcolm replied “Then we might stand a chance.”

>>\-------->

Felicity sat on the bed in her ornately decorated room going over the plan in her head for what was probably the 50th time. It should work, she reasoned, if all the pieces fell into place than it _would_ work. Still, the odds felt overwhelmingly against them the more she thought through the plan.

A clanking, shuffling sound came from her left and Felicity let out a small yelp as Malcolm walked into the room.

“Jeez, I know that you can’t exactly knock” She said “But a little warning would be appreciated.”

Merlyn smirked “I’ll keep that in mind for next time. Now, I just came from speaking with Oliver and we have a plan.”

Felicity’s face dropped in an instant.

“A plan?” Her brow furrowed “A plan?” She slid off of the bed and approached a now slightly wary looking Merlyn. “You show up here after two days of no contact, after you abandoned us in the tunnels, after you _lied_ about where you would be and now you claim to have a plan? What about the plan we already had? What about the promised you already made? You left us down there to die!”

Malcolm stood his ground “I was outmanned.” He stated “You took longer than I expected to get to the rendezvous and when by the time you did it was too late, I couldn’t fight them all off.”

“You expect me to believe that?” Felicity spat out.

Malcolm took a step closer “Believe what you will Miss Smoak” The last two words came out dripping in venom as he now loomed over her “But know that I have no reason to lie. If I wanted to screw up your plan there are about a half dozen better ways I could have done it.”

Felicity, unwilling to back down as well, stood her ground. “If I ever suspect, even for one second, that you’re going to betray us I will use every minute of my ample time here thinking of ways to destroy you.”

Malcolm tilted his head and smirked, the corners of his mouth curling upward ever so slightly “Noted” he replied.

He turned on one foot and crossed to the other side of the room “Now if you’d be so kind as to let me explain the plan?”

Felicity stood there, in the middle of the candlelit room, seriously considering if she wanted to hear the plan. Eventually, she relented and nodded her head slightly.

“Good” Merlyn announced “Now I want to remind you to keep an open mind about this plan—”

“Not” Felicity interrupted “Your best start.”

Malcolm crossed his arms “You know, Miss Smoak, I don’t actually need you to complete this plan. I’m only telling you all this because Oliver” He paused “…encouraged it.” He turned on one heel and began to walk out of the room “If you’d rather stay in the dark that’s fine by—”

“Wait!” Felicity shouted her voice filled with enough desperation to make her cringe “Just tell me the plan.”

 The corners of Malcolm’s mouth curled into a smile “If you insist” He replied “The plan is this: we’re going to make Oliver the new Ra’s al Ghul.”

Felicity’s mind went blank; truly, fully and completely blank. She could have sworn the world consisted only of white noise in that moment.

When she came back to reality her reply was swift and sure.

“Are you out of your mind?” She nearly yelled “Or is this just some elaborate ruse to get Oliver killed?” Felicity waved her arm dismissively “You know what? It doesn’t matter, because either answer is wrong.”

“I told you to keep an open mind”

“That _was_ me keeping an open mind.” She replied “Your plan is just that bad.”

“Felicity, I need you to trust me” His tone was deliberately even as he took a step toward her.

Felicity scoffed “Yeah, trusting you has gotten me exactly nothing” She held up her hands “Oh! Except now I’m locked up here and Oliver is locked away in a cell somewhere.”

“Did it ever occur to you” Merlyn asked, now standing directly in front of her “That this is exactly where you need to be?”

>>\-------->

The grand hall at Nanda Parbat was always impressive. No matter how many times Oliver was dragged in or out of this room it was impossible not to feel the ancient, imposing presence it possessed. Sconces flickered from wall to wall and their flames cast long dancing shadows around the room. Heavy drapery hung from high windows, obscuring what little sunlight might find its way into the large hall. In another scenario, in another life, Oliver might have found the room beautiful.

Two guards held Oliver’s arms and walked him down the long hallway toward Ra’s al Ghul himself.

Ra’s stood in his long, flowing robes and stared Oliver down as if he could see straight through him. The guards walked Oliver directly toward him and once he was in front of Ra’s they released his arms, which remained tied behind him. However, one of the guards kicked Oliver in the back of the knee and forced him into a kneeling position on the ground. Oliver let out a pained grunt in response, but said nothing.

Ra’s spoke “I’ve thought long and hard about this Mr. Queen.” he began “In fact, I’ve spent the last two days deciding what exactly it is that I should do with you.”

Oliver said nothing, though he bit back a sarcastic comment that nearly flew out of his mouth unbidden, and silently stared back at Ra’s.

“You see” Ra’s continued “Ever since you told me that the poison made you see Felicity I began to consider what uses I might have for you. I realized that having someone with your skills who is devoted to protecting my daughter could be” he paused and brought his hand up to his chin “Well, it could be very useful.”  Ra’s dropped his hands back to his sides “However, I have been ruling the League for a very long time and I believe very firmly in our traditions.”

Oliver’s heart sunk to the ground.

“Our traditions state that a prisoner who tries to escape must be given a trial. As useful as you may have been to me, Mr. Queen, I have no choice but to punish you for your crimes--”

“Wait” Oliver finally spoke, his heart now thundering in his chest “You said I have to be given a trial, but you didn’t say what kind.” He straightened his back and tilted his chin up “I demand a trial by combat.”


	21. Trial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! First I want to say a GIANT thank you to everyone for their continued support! I was hoping to update chapters more quickly, but I am so grateful to everyone for being so understanding about the slow progress. I really hope you like where the story continues to go, and know that I will continue to update this story until is finished!  
> Thank you to everyone who left comments on the last chapter, and if I haven't responded to your comment yet I will be doing so soon!  
> Thanks and please enjoy!

“Hey! HEY!” Felicity’s voice echoed off the walls of her room as she stood near her door “Listen, I know there is someone standing outside and I know you can hear me out there so open up this door right now or I’ll—”

Felicity let out a yelp of surprise as the door was suddenly thrown open by her guard. Thank goodness, she thought to herself, because she really hadn’t planned an end to that threat. She took a moment to regain her composure and nod her head toward the guard.

“Thank you” She said “That’s much better”

The guard said nothing, he simply stared at her with narrowed eyes.

“Okay, not a big fan of chit chat” Felicity quipped “Noted.” Straight to the matter it was then, she thought to herself. She took a deep breath and readied herself for what she was about to say “Take me to my father; I have an important matter to discuss with him.”

>>\-------->

The armory was a calculatingly intimidating room. Felicity could see the intention behind the design of the space; it was clearly meant to overwhelm someone unfamiliar with its imposing grandeur. However, while she recognized the intention, that didn’t mean it wasn’t successful.

Daggers, knives, swords, maces, and every other sharp weapon Felicity could identify as well as many that she could not, hung from the walls of the room. There was no window to the outside world in this place, so the only source of light came from the flickering sconces on the walls. The dancing shadows cast by the weapons made them somehow seem otherworldly. Rows of standing weapons and armor lined the walls of the room and faced inward, so that the overall effect was that of an immobile army, ready to strike at anyone who dared enter the space.

Ra’s al Ghul stood in the center of the room. His long robe trailed elegantly to the floor and curled upwards behind his feet as if the fabric were reaching out back toward him. The heavy embroidery flowed across the edges of the robe and danced along the sleeves down toward his hands, where he was calmly polishing a jewel inlaid dagger.

“I was told” He began “That you wanted to speak with me.” His words were punctuated by the metallic _swish_ of the whetstone against the steel of the blade.

Felicity swallowed hard “Yes” She finally said “I have a proposition for you.”

Ra’s turned to face her evidently intrigued as his hands paused their activity “Alright” he replied, waving the dagger elegantly in front of him as his eyes crinkled slightly at the sides “Proposition me.”

Felicity’s hands instinctively went to her stomach, her long fingers stretching out to cover the ever growing curve of her midsection.

“You’ve made it very clear that what you want from me is to take my child and raise him or her as heir to the League.”

“Yes” Ra’s agreed “That and to make use of your technical skillsets.” He put the dagger down on a nearby table “After all that was my original intention upon contacting you.”

“Yes” Felicity said “I remember vividly” She dropped her hands down to her sides, deliberately pulling them away from her stomach. “What if I told you that I would be willing to agree to your terms, that I would be willing to stay and be a part of the League?”

“Then I would ask” Ra’s replied, turning to face her directly “What exactly would be the cause of this sudden change of heart?”

“The cause” She began “Would be your generosity in sparing Oliver’s life.”

Ra’s broke out into a smile “You want me to spare the life of your beloved?”

“We both know that Oliver is more useful to you alive than dead.”

“This may be true” Ra’s replied stepping forward “But he broke one of our laws and our tradition states that he must be punished.”

Felicity rushed forward until she was standing right in front of her father “Then forget tradition” She said roughly “You’re the Demon’s Head. You’re Ra’s al Ghul. Tradition is whatever you say it is and you can choose to spare Oliver’s life.”

Ra’s seemed to consider this for a moment “And in exchange you’ll agree to stay here and remain an obedient member of the League?” He inquired.

Felicity clenched her jaw “I swear.”

“Then perhaps, my daughter” Ra’s said turning his back on her to resume sharpening the jeweled dagger “We have a deal after all.”

>>\-------->

Oliver could still remember the first time he truly felt fear. He was only a child, no more than five years old, and he was out shopping with his mother. It was a lovely, sunny day; it was the kind of day that only happens once or twice a year. Perfectly warm and beautifully bright, Oliver always remembered how the sun felt on his skin as he walked down the street beside his mother.

Then, somehow while crossing a busy street, they got separated. It took Oliver a few moments to realize that the figure now standing beside him was not his mother, but a stranger. The fear settled into his body immediately. An instantaneous panic washed over him like he’d never known before and he felt scared, helpless and alone.

He found his mother again, only a few minutes later. However, the fear stayed with him and for weeks after he had reoccurring nightmares about losing his mother. He’d wake up in a cold sweat, sometimes crying out in fear from a nightmare he could only partially recall. That feeling of helplessness and fear was always there, however, lingering in the back of his mind. It clung to his body and hugged him tightly until the first rays of sunlight crept in through the windows.

Eventually, the nightmares went away, as did the fear, and he nearly forgot about the whole experience.

Until now, because standing before Ra’s Oliver realized that this was the worst fear he’d ever known. Worse than Lian Yu, worse than torture, worse than those nightmares, this was the fear of failing Felicity and their child. The thought that he could lose this fight with Ra’s and, in doing so, leave his child at the hands of a monster…it was unimaginable.

The wind on the mountaintop whipped around him, his body ached and burned from the long climb up the rocky surface, and his heart thundered in his chest. The view from the mountaintop was bleak, no color showed anywhere except for white and grey. The only color to be seen was from the tanned skin of the two men standing on the peak of the mountain.

As per tradition, Oliver and Ra’s removed their shirts and stood exposed to the cold. Ra’s stood with his back toward Oliver and four members of the League surrounded them, dressed entirely in black. Felicity and Nyssa were both notably missing, and Oliver felt an ache in his chest. He wished Felicity were here, her light and her strength would make a world of difference to him.

Instead he was alone. Hope and fear were his only companions.

Ra’s spoke.

“When we die” He began “We leave behind nothing. Our bodies become one with the earth and we are all eventually forgotten, lost to history. It is instead, our traditions that we leave behind. They outlive us in a way that nothing else can.” Ra’s turned around to finally face Oliver. His body was lean and covered in hundreds of years of scars. “It is for that reason I take the tradition and the memory I leave behind so seriously, Mr. Queen.”

“That tradition stops today” Oliver replied “My child will not be a part of the League.”

A small hint of a smile crossed Ra’s al Ghul’s face “Yes, I do think you believe that.”

>>\-------->

It took Oliver all of about four second to realize that he was hopelessly outmatched.

After Oliver selected his weapon, he turned around to see what weapon Ra’s had chosen. To his surprise, Ra’s stood before him with a small smile on his face and empty hands at his side.

“You haven’t chosen a weapon” Oliver noted obviously.

“You’re right” Ra’s agreed “I will be taking yours from you when the time is right.”

A cold chill swept across Oliver that had nothing to do with the wind whipping its way across the mountain.

Ra’s tilted his head eerily to the side and stared at Oliver. His eyes seemed to bore into Oliver and stare straight into his soul, Oliver felt like he’d been stripped bare and left exposed before this man; it took nearly all of his strength of will not to fidget under Ra’s al Ghul’s gaze. After several deep breaths Ra’s finally spoke.

“Shall we begin?”

But it didn’t matter what Oliver did. It didn’t matter how hard he fought. It didn’t matter how much he cared. The battle was over before it had even begun and Oliver was never meant to win.

Oliver fought will all of his strength, he fought with everything he had in his body and soul, and he lasted a long time. Ra’s al Ghul even commented as such, noting that few men ever had the strength or the skill to survive so long.

He said those words just before he sunk Oliver’s sword into his gut.

Oliver knelt on the side of the mountain and felt a shockwave go through his body. He gasped desperately for air, but his lungs seemed unable to function.

Ra’s whispered words of prayer as Oliver clung frantically to life. “You could have been a great warrior, Mr. Queen” were some of the last words he heard Ra’s al Ghul say. Somewhere in the back of his mind Oliver knew Ra’s was still speaking to him but his mind could only focus on one thing.

Felicity’s face was the only thing that danced before his blurry vision. His mind flashed through walking into her office and seeing the mocking smile on her face as he told her his lies. He remembered the first time he realized his feelings for her were more than just platonic. Fear had shot through him at the realization, but excitement also took hold. He remembered their first kiss, filled with longing, sadness and love.

He remembered the first time they slept together. The way it felt to hold her in his arms, the little noises that she made that drove him mad with want, the way she arched her back and moved under him. It was the best night of his life.

It was the night they conceived their baby.

The baby. His baby. The child he never knew he wanted and now, he couldn’t imagine living his life without.

He really wanted to meet that child. He wanted to hold his baby in his arms. He wanted to be a dad.

But that was all over now, Ra’s al Ghul won, and Oliver could feel the life draining from his body as Ra’s finished the final words of his prayer.

“You should know” He finally whispered into Oliver’s ear “That Felicity begged me to spare your life. She offered herself up in exchange for you; she agreed to join the League, to raise her child as the heir to the Demon” Ra’s al Ghul slowly pulled the sword out from Oliver’s abdomen, eliciting a whining sort of groan from the wounded man “All of this to spare your life.” Ra’s dropped the sword to the ground and the metal clanged loudly against the cold rock “Take that knowledge as comfort as you move on to the next world.”

And with that Ra’s al Ghul turned away from Oliver and left him bleeding out on the side of a snow topped mountain to die; all the while knowing that he failed to protect the only things that mattered to him. Oliver moved his hand to the wound on his lower right side and felt the warm blood seep through his fingers.

His vision was growing blurry and his body was getting weaker by the second, but the last thing his mind showed him before he slipped into unconsciousness was an image of Felicity holding a small child in her arms.

Then, only darkness remained.


	22. Shadow of Death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I want to apologize up front for this chapter being a little bit shorter than usual. As I was working on it I came to the decision that it was better to post a slightly shorter chapter than to keep everyone waiting on me to finish it.   
> As usual, I promise I will keep working on this story even if it is a bit slower than you (or I) would like. That being said THANK YOU SO MUCH for all of the kind and encouraging feedback. Each and every one of you is so kind and patient and it means the world to me. I am so genuinely grateful for all of you guys.  
> So, with that being said, please enjoy the chapter!

_Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…_

Felicity was never religious, she’d hardly ever been to church and she couldn’t remember the last time she prayed. She was raised in casinos not chapels, and yet, for some inexplicable reason, one psalm played over and over in her mind like a torturous mantra.

_I will fear no evil, for you are with me._

The words echoed and bounced around in her mind regardless of her will in the matter.“The Shadow of Death” was certainly not what she wanted to be thinking about right now. Not while she still waited for news of Oliver, and yet, for some reason beyond her knowledge, the words continued to play over and over again in her mind.

_Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil, for you are with me._

“Please” She whispered quietly to herself “Please still be with me” but it wasn’t God she spoke to now.

Felicity had been waiting in the grand hall for over an hour with no word as to where Oliver was or what Ra’s decided to do with him.  She’d been staring down at her hands for the last ten minutes, nervously wringing them in her lap. When she finally looked up Nyssa was standing in front of her.

Felicity yelped in surprise “Nyssa” She gasped “How long have you been standing there?”

“Long enough to see that you are waiting” Nyssa replied “And nervous” She added thoughtfully, tilting her head “Is this about Oliver, or perhaps Sara?” Her voice, normally tightly controlled, broke on the last word.

“Just Oliver” Felicity replied regretfully “I went to Ra’s yesterday to speak with him about Oliver. We talked and he promised me that he’d spare Oliver’s life—”

“Why on earth would he do that?” Nyssa interrupted.

“In exchange for my loyalty” Felicity replied “And my obedience”

Nyssa looked doubtful, but said nothing. After a moment of punctuated silence Felicity spoke again “Have you heard anything about what he plans to do with Sara?”

Nyssa’s face fell even further “No” she replied “And I am beginning to fear the worst.”

“You don’t think he…” Felicity trailed off, hesitant to even say the words.

“Killed her?” Nyssa finished, she crossed her arms defensively in front of her “I believe my father— _our_ father, is capable of anything.”

At that, the large doors at the end of the hall swung open and Ra’s al Ghul walked into the room trailed closely by two guards.

“Ah” He said noticing the women at the other end of the hall “My two daughters, what a lovely sight indeed.”

“Where is Oliver” Felicity immediately asked, taking long strides across the stone floor “What have you done with him?”

“You have nothing to fear” Ra’s replied “I have honored our bargain and forgone the trial. Your beloved is safe.”

“Then where is he?”

“I have sent him far away from this place, never to return again on pain of death.” Ra’s put his hands gently on Felicity’s shoulders “I may have agreed to spare his life, but I will not agree to have him here where he can corrupt your mind.”

“I want proof” Felicity said, shaking off his hold “I want proof that he is alive.”

“No.” The reply was firm and swift “You agreed to remain obedient to me and maintaining faith in my word is part of that agreement.”

Felicity could think of nothing to say in reply and it was clear from his tone that there was no arguing the matter further. So, she nodded her head, turned on her heel and walked out of the room.

But, she wasn’t done fighting this fight, and as she walked down the corridor back to her room she came to the decision that she would find the truth, no matter what. 

>>\-------->

The sensation was like falling.

Although, it also felt like he was watching himself fall from miles away. He was part of it, part of the sensation and the experience, but also undeniably something else entirely.

He watched and felt himself fall through an endless abyss, a wide expanse of nothingness. He felt himself hurling through this void toward a bright light at the end.

The light.

That was the first thing his mind really told hold of, it was the first thing he fully processed. The light pierced through his eyelids and stabbed his eyes like needles.

The next thing he noticed was the pain.

His whole body felt as though it were screaming in agony. His eyes flew open and he gasped for air as his mind fought its way back to consciousness. His lungs felt as though they were burning from the inside out and he fought to catch his breath. Through a dense fog he began to hear a voice speak to him. It was soft and gentle and he tried his best to zero in on it and ignore everything else.

“Oliver” the voice said “You need to relax and take a deep breath; your heart is beating too fast right now.” There was a hand pressed against his shoulder “That’s it” the voice continued, “Just breathe.”

Slowly Oliver felt the air return to his lungs and for the first time he began to process his surroundings.

The room was cast in an amber glow given off by the numerous lanterns that hung from the walls and ceiling. Across from him Oliver could see a small window on which dozens of different herbs and flowers hung from the frame. There was a fire burning in the far corner, over which a steaming kettle began to scream. It was a small room, but cozy, with the soft scent of lavender hanging in the air.

The woman who had been tending to him only moments before turned to tend to the kettle. Oliver still hadn’t seen her face. His eyes traced the lines of her body, trying to identify the figure, but her large jacket and hood made his efforts in vain.

Suddenly, three sharp knocks drew Oliver’s attention and the woman moved to open the door. As she drew the door open Oliver’s eyes widened at the sight before him.

Maseo stood in the doorway, the strong wind whipping the snow into his face as he nodded to the woman.

Oliver began to sit up “Maseo?” the words came out as barely a whisper.

Suddenly, the woman turned around and spoke sharply “Don’t move” she commanded “Or you’ll pull out your sutures” She looked Oliver in the eye and nodded “Oliver”.

The air rushed out of Oliver’s lungs as he realized who she was “Tatsu” the name was more of a question and after a moment of silence he spoke again “…How?” He asked.

Maseo answered before she could “Because I asked her to come here” He said stepping into the room “So that she could save your life.”

>>\-------->

Felicity didn’t have to wait long for Malcolm to come to her room; a single candle placed in her window was all it took to bring him to her. He slipped into her room like a shadow and greeted her with his usual formality.

“Miss Smoak”

Felicity wasted no time on pleasantries “What have you heard about Oliver?”

If Malcolm noticed her nearly aggressive tone of voice, he didn’t show it. He did, however, stand stiffly with his hands placed firmly behind his back. Felicity didn’t miss the look on his face or the way he seemed hesitant to enter the room further.

Dread began to fill her “What is it?” she asked.

“I’m afraid” Merlyn began “That I come bearing" He hesitated "less than good news.”

Felicity took a moment to steady herself, but it did little good and her voice shook slightly as she spoke “Tell me.”

“Ra’s went forward with the trial by combat” Merlyn paused before adding “Last night.”

Felicity felt her knees go weak and her stomach drop to the floor “Did you see him?” She asked weakly “Did you see his body?” Merlyn opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again. Felicity, out of patience, began to shout “Did you see his body!”

“No” Came the reply “But I did find this” He pulled his arms from behind his back and produced a long, bloody sword “On the mountain.” Felicity’s trembling hand reached forward to touch the end of the sword. “There’s something else you should know” Merlyn continued “While I didn’t find his body, I did see drag marks in the snow.”

“Someone took him away?”

“Yes, I believe it was to a small house on the west side of the Mountain.”

“Well” Felicity began “Is he there? Did you check?”

“No, I—”

“What? What are you waiting for? Go!” She yelled “Oliver could still be alive in there!”

“Felicity” Malcolm cautioned, though annoyance crept into his voice “I think you should be reasonable—”

“Reasonable? You think I should be reasonable?” She let out a short laugh “I’ll be reasonable when I’m home in Starling city with my child and Oliver by my side.” Her voice was calm and low as she continued “Until then, I’m going to do whatever it takes to make that happen.” She took a step toward him “Have I made myself clear?”

Malcolm’s face turned into a grimace as he ran his tongue along his teeth “I wouldn’t recommend speaking to me as though I were a dim witted child.”

Felicity adjusted her glasses “You brought me here to help Oliver escape because you needed me. You needed my help in absolving you of your wrongs to the League. So, if you _ever_ want to be free of them, if you _ever_ want them to stop hunting you, then you will do as I say, however I say it. If you don’t, then I will spend every day of the rest of my life making sure I help the League find you and take you down. So” She said again “Have I made myself clear?”

Malcolm’s thinly veiled rage was evident in his voice “Crystal.”

“Good” She replied “Then you will go check on Oliver”

Malcolm said nothing; instead he turned on his heel and began to leave the room.

“One more thing” Felicity called out as Merlyn turned around to face her “Now it’s time we follow my plan.”


	23. Endure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I sound like a broken record when I say I'm sorry for the length of time it took to update!  
> Thank you to everyone for their genuinely kind support and encouragement. It's that kind of support that keeps me going and is driving me to finish this story no matter what. Please know that your kind words are the reason I keep writing. 100% I'm doing this for all of you who are so kind to me and who take the time to leave your amazing comments. Thank you all so much and if I haven't responded to your comment yet I apologize and I promise I will soon!  
> With that said, please enjoy the update!

Icy wind whipped against the sensitive skin of Oliver’s face as he stood on the snowy hillside. The cold was physically painful to endure. The blunt end of Tatsu’s sword jammed hard into his gut when he failed to block her attack and the shock of the blow was physically painful to endure. He landed hard on the rocky ground and the sharp rocks scraping against bruised skin was painful to endure. Rising to stand on sore and aching limbs was physically painful to endure, and yet Oliver did so without complaint.

“Again”

His voice rang out against the rocks that surrounded him as he readied himself for another round of sparring.

“I don’t think that is wise, Oliver” Tatsu warned.

Oliver shifted uncomfortably where he stood as a dull ache radiated from a bruise near his shoulder “I don’t care. Again.”

Tatsu swung her sword in a quick circle at her side “Stubbornness won’t make you ready any faster.”

“No” Oliver agreed “But practice will” He lunged clumsily toward Tatsu with an attack that came far from hitting its target.

Tatsu gracefully sidestepped his attack and crossed her arms to look at him. “You’re still too weak to fight all day like this, and you know it. You’re attacks are getting desperate Oliver. You won’t defeat Ra’s by being desperate.”

Oliver grimaced and spoke through gritted teeth “Well I won’t defeat him by sitting around all day drinking penicillin tea either. It’s been nearly a month since Ra’s beat me and I can’t just sit around and do nothing. I need to defeat him.”

“To defeat your enemy” Tatsu began “You must know your enemy.”

“You’ve been saying that for a week now” Oliver snapped “But how exactly are you going to help me _know_ Ra’s?”

“I won’t” Tatsu replied “But he will” Her eyes shifted focus behind Oliver.

Merlyn stepped out of the shadows of a rocky embankment “It would seem” He began “That we have some work to do.”

Oliver stood up straight “What the hell are you doing here?”

“I’ve been” Merlyn paused and thought for a moment “Keeping an eye on you for the last month while you recovered.”

Oliver crossed the distance between the two of them in four long strides “I’ve spent the last month recovering from a fight you told me I could win.”

“Actually” Merlyn countered “I believe I said that if you were worried about losing, then we had nothing to worry about.”

Oliver let out an exasperated sigh “What does that even mean?”

“What that means, _Oliver_ , is that I have another trick up my sleeve, something that will help you end this once and for all.” With a slight flourish Malcolm produced a small vile of liquid from a pouch and held it up for Oliver to see. “You weren’t strong enough to fight Ra’s before, but with my help, I believe you will be able to defeat him very soon.”

Oliver reached out and held the small vile in his hand “What is this?”

A sly smile crossed Merlyn’s lips “Water” he replied “From the Lazarus Pit.”

>>\-------->

Felicity sat at a long, stone table that seemed to stretch out before her for an eternity. Laid out across the length of its surface were numerous candles, plates of food, and stone pitchers filled with drink. Various vegetables were lined along the table, vibrant against the grey of their plates, and placed in between hard crusted loaves of bread The scent of deep maroon colored candied fruits and sugar coated walnuts wafted through the air and mixed with the savory scent of the roasted bird that sat in the center of the table.

Felicity vaguely wondered who all the food was for, as the table was only occupied by her, Nyssa and Ra’s.

Although, she reasoned, the display should hardly surprise her anymore, as it hadn’t changed in the weeks since she’d begun attending dinner with her father. The room was decorated as it always was, with heavy drapery hanging from the walls and across the pillars that lined the room. Sconces and hanging lanterns lined the walls and cast amber light across the stone surfaces. Ra’s sat at the head of the long table that centered the room and, with a small smile, Felicity sat at the seat to his left.

Ra’s returned her smile with one of his own “My daughter” He said, raising his glass in greeting “How are you this evening?”

“I’m well” Felicity replied “Thank you”

Ra’s turned to Nyssa “And you?”

Nyssa was less inclined to be polite and stared straight ahead, a frown tugging the corners of her mouth. She stared straight at Felicity, who gave her a slight nod of encouragement.

Finally, Nyssa let out a sigh and replied, “I am well” she said stiffly “I spent most of the day training with the men.”

“Good” came the reply “and were you able to learn anything from them?”

Nyssa turned to look at her father “Let me rephrase” she replied “I spent most of the training all of the men. I taught them all a great deal.”

A look of amusement crossed Ra’s al Ghul’s face and he nodded silently before taking a sip of his drink. He looked back at Felicity “And what have you done today, my child?”

“I wrote COBOL encryption that can encode your messages to be sent over the VPN I set up so that the entire network can be wired together.” There was a moment of silence where Ra’s simply stared at her. Felicity always secretly enjoyed the moment of confusion that followed statements like this. “You can send secure messages now” She clarified.

“Ah” Ra’s said “Excellent.”

He picked up his fork and encouraged them all to eat and Felicity obediently did so, though she’d had little appetite for the last few weeks.

After days of anxious waiting, Felicity had found out from Merlyn that Oliver was injured but alive. The news ease the horrible, aching pit in her stomach, but it didn’t destroy it completely. There was still so much uncertainty and so much that they had to fight against that Felicity was nearly overwhelmed by it all. So she planned, and she schemed and she got Merlyn to agree to help execute her plans.

Now, nearly a month later, her plans were finally starting to fall into place.

And the pit in her stomach returned.

Tonight, however, was simply about her playing the obedient daughter. She wanted Ra’s to think that she’d succumbed to his will and agreed to join the League, and in order to do so she’d spent the last few weeks slowly building up his trust and earning his respect. It took some convincing before he allowed her to touch any of his systems and even then, she was to be supervised at all times while she did so. However, he eventually chose practicality over caution and allowed her the freedom to upgrade as she wished. Thankfully, he knew nothing about computers, or this might have taken much longer to accomplish. As it was, simply making a few visible upgrades to his current network and showing them off as grand accomplishments was earning her more favor than she’d anticipated.

And if she happened to wire in a few backdoors into the code that she could exploit later, well, no one really needed to know.  

Still, pretending to be the happy and obedient daughter that Ra’s wanted her to be was a special kind of torture. Every time Felicity looked at him all she could see were the lies he told. He promised her that he would spare Oliver’s life and, instead, he accepted the trail by combat. Felicity gave up everything to spare Oliver and Ra’s threw that all away as if it meant nothing. Despite Ra’s al Ghul’s words, he would never truly see Felicity as a daughter. He would never see her as family. He valued himself and his position within the League too much to ever see past his own vanity.

So she smiled, and she ate what little food she could stomach, and told him about her day as if this weren’t the most disturbed family dinner in existence. Then she waited until she hoped it was no longer rude, and excused herself from the table, claiming fatigue.

Felicity got up from the table and a guard followed closely at her heels the entire walk back to her room.

To her dismay, Felicity had grown almost accustomed to the constant presence of the guards. It made her meetings with Malcolm much trickier to execute, but it seemed to reassure Ra’s that she stopped resisting their constant presence so she accepted the tradeoff. The guard that followed her from dinner took his place outside of her room as she let the heavy door close behind her.

She walked over to the window, intending to light a candle to place on the sill, when a small note caught her attention.

_He’s nearly ready and our training has begun. Send the message and we will end this for good._

Malcolm’s neat script was easy enough to identify, but his words sent Felicity’s heart racing. For weeks this had been all she thought about, all she planned for, but the reality was sinking in.

This was their one chance to take out Ra’s al Ghul and if they failed she had no doubt that the consequences would be more than she could bear.


	24. We Start Tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy Crap! I'm so sorry that it took me 4 months to update but thank you to everyone for your patience and support!  
> It means so much to me to know that you all care about and enjoy this story so much.  
> With that said, please enjoy this update!

Felicity let out a long whistle as she entered the office of the Demon’s Head himself.

“Wow” She said “This place looks like it hasn’t been redecorated since the 13th century.”

The smallest hint of a smile crossed Ra’s al Ghul’s face “Perhaps that is true.”

He rose from his dark, wooden writing desk and stood, illuminated from the scones on the walls. The room could only be described as heavy. The entire room was paneled in dark wood, and accented at the corners with small, fierce looking dragons that seemed to hover over the room. What small pieces of furniture there were in the room, a writing desk, two chairs, and a cabinet were all carved out of the same nearly black wood. Upon further inspection, Felicity noticed that they all shared the same decorative, filigree carvings around the edges that spiraled and curved around itself, seemingly infinitely. It was incredibly beautiful furniture and, clearly, very old.

Much like the man who stood before her.

“I called you in here” he began “So that I could speak to you about something very important.”

Felicity’s heart began to pound in her chest, but she chose to remain silent.

“There are Argus troops coming toward us, the projections—your projections have them arriving in just a few days.” Ra’s stood with his hands clasped gently in front of him. “Why would they choose to come now? You’ve been here long enough that surely your friends would have known you were missing before this.”

Ra’s paused long enough that it became clear he expected Felicity to answer.

Her mouth suddenly dry, Felicity began to speak. “I didn’t have much time to think” She started “I knew that ARGUS was close. Each day it became more and more clear to me that they were figuring out where I was and they were going to try to come for me. I thought it would take them longer—”

“You sent for them” Ra’s interrupted. “You reached out to your contacts and you told them you were here.” He stepped forward now and used his considerable height to tower over Felicity. “Why?”

“Because I had a plan.” She replied, her voice weaker than she expected “A plan that would give you—”She paused “Would give us the upper hand against them.”

“And why didn’t you consult me on this plan?”

“Because” Felicity replied defensively “Because I know these people. I know what they expect from me and I know how to stop them from coming here. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to risk having you change my plans, or worse, stop me altogether.” Felicity's breathing was fast and she stepped backward to take a moment calm herself.

Ra’s al Ghul tilted his chin up and smiled. “Good.” He replied, taking Felicity off guard. She furrowed her brow in confusion, but said nothing. “You’re finally speaking like the Demon’s Head. As a leader you cannot consult everyone on your actions, especially when you know it is the right course of action to take. Sometimes you must strike fast and do what you know is right.” Ra’s turned around and walked back to his writing desk where he picked up a handwritten letter.

“You’re not angry with me?” Felicity asked “For lying?”

Ra’s looked up from his desk “On the contrary.” He replied while glancing back down at the paper in his hand. “I used your information and sent out a scout to verify its truth. Sarab has sent back this report on his findings.” He reached out and handed the letter to Felicity.

She took it with shaky, nervous hands.

Her eyes scanned down the letter only to report on words she already knew. Argus was based just over thirty miles outside of where she currently stood. They had a small group of soldiers stationed, somewhere around twenty men ready to make an attack.

“Your projections had them originally coming straight to Nada Parbat, but suddenly they stopped their movement. I wondered to myself” Ra’s said “What could make them do such a thing? But then I learned that it was because you reached out to them once again. You told them to wait for your signal to attack.”

Felicity clenched her jaw and nodded.

“Do you know where you stopped them, my child?” Ra’s asked.

“Yes.” came the reply “The valley. You’ll have every tactical advantage for an ambush now with them trapped at the bottom.” Felicity’s voice cracked on the last word. She felt her lip tremble and tried to hide it without success.

“I see that you are upset” Ra’s voice was gentler than Felicity expected “Speak your mind freely.”

“Those are my friends down there” Felicity said after a moment of hesitation. “I sent them into a trap and whatever happens to them is my fault. Please don’t do anything that would—”

“Enough” Ra’s cut her off “I know that you are a loyal person and I can see the pain that this has caused you. But it gladdens me to know that you have chosen to be loyal to me and I promise you, my child, that I will not make you fight Argus, nor will I have you betray your friends again.”

Felicity nodded her head “Thank you”

“But” He continued “I will do what must be done here and I expect that you will not interfere anymore. Do you understand?”

His eyes were steely and cold now and Felicity merely nodded for fear of not being able to speak.

“Good” Ra’s said, evidently pleased “That is all I wanted to discuss.” He walked back to his desk and put the letter down. After a moment he looked up and seemed almost confused to see Felicity still standing before him.

“You may leave now.”

>>\-------->

The warm evening breeze danced across Felicity’s skin, tugging at the silky fabric that covered her body. She stood on the balcony just outside of her bedchamber as the sun set behind the mountains in the distance. Her hands absentmindedly moved over the ever growing curve of her stomach.

Five months. All of this started nearly five months ago and somehow, in that time, things got crazier than she ever could have imagined. She was living with the League of Assassins, under the rule of her estranged father, and carrying Oliver Queen’s unborn child. A child who recently began to make small, fluttering movements inside of her belly not unlike the feeling of butterflies in her stomach.

Just at that moment, Felicity felt a small kick from the baby.

“Hey there” She whispered “Looks like someone is a little bit of a night owl.” She thought about that for a moment, thought about the life she lived, the hours she worked and the ways she spent her nights. “Which is probably not the worst thing in the world” She added “All things considered”.

“Still” She continued “I want you to know that I am doing everything I can to make sure that you are safe and far away from all of this. Okay? Do you hear me? You will not live this life.” Felicity began pacing slowly across the balcony “And I know that being a ninja assassin _sounds_ cool, but trust me, you don’t want any part of it. I think even your father would agree with that.”

Felicity felt a twinge go through her at the thought, and her heart skipped a beat when she said the word “father”. Oliver was out there in the darkness somewhere right now, training, or sleeping, or doing who knows what, instead of being by her side and feeling the baby move inside of her. It was unfair, it was unfair that he had to miss all of this, and that he didn’t get to share any of it with her.

She looked out toward the mountains as her eyes scanned the empty horizon as if, somehow, she would see him.

Instead all she saw was the moonlight dance across the snowy mountain tops, icy cold and empty.

A sudden knock at the door captured her attention and she turned around. After taking a deep breath, she squared her shoulders, lifted her head, and moved toward the door.

>>\-------->

Oliver stood in the growing darkness, his hands shoved deep into the pockets of the thin jacket he wore. A chill spread over him despite the warm evening air.

He could see the faintest light in the distance coming from Felicity’s bedroom. That light was his only connection to her. Every single night he made the long walk down the mountain to see that flickering light in the distance and watch it glow. That small, wavering candlelight was all he had to know that she was still alive and still fighting to be free.

As long as he saw that light each night he knew that Felicity was doing anything and everything she could to protect their child.

A sensation of movement behind him caused Oliver to whip around and grab someone by the throat before pinning them against a tree.

“Hey, it’s just me.” Merlyn’s voice croaked “Release your grip.”

Oliver did so, allowing Merlyn to drop to the ground and gingerly rub his throat.

“Well I suppose I don’t need to ask if you’ve healed yet.”

“No” Oliver replied grabbing Malcolm by the arm and hauling him to his feet “I guess you don’t.”

“And Tatsu” Malcolm asked “She’s been training you?”

“Day and night.” Oliver confirmed.

“Good” Merlyn replied “Because we start tonight.”

>>\-------->

Felicity opened the door and stood in surprise for a moment. Not because it was Nyssa standing before her, but instead, because her guards were nowhere in sight.

“Where did they…?” Felicity asked vaguely pointing around the doorway.

Nyssa moved past Felicity into the room “I told them that I wanted to be alone with my sister.”

“And I’m assuming they evaporated into thin air after that, because, honestly, it’s a more likely explanation than them just…walking away because you _asked_ them to.”

Nyssa turned around “I simply reminded them that I am still the heir to the Demon and that if I cannot protect you during a simple conversation than I do not deserve the title I will inherit. They’ll be back soon, however, so tell me quickly why you asked me here”

Felicity pulled a small piece of paper from the inside of her long sleeve and held it out to the other woman.

“I have something for you.”

Nyssa’s brows furrowed deeper in confusion as she reached out a slender hand to take the paper “What is this?”

“It’s probably better if you just read it yourself” Felicity admitted.

Curious, Nyssa unfolded the piece of paper and immediately let out a small gasp of surprise.

“It’s…it’s Sara’s handwriting, I’d recognize this anywhere.”

“Yes” Felicity replied, her voice barely above a whisper.

“She’s alive, but how? How did you get this?”

Felicity hesitated just a moment before replying “Merlyn”.

“Merlyn?” Nyssa took a step closer “But he refused any and all requests that I made for his help in this matter. Why now? What’s in it for him?”

Felicity caught her lower lip between her teeth before letting out a small puff of air. “Well….you see…the thing is….” She started “I maybe sort of, kind of, in a small way….threatened him a little.” She put a hand out in front of her, as if to ward off the response Nyssa hadn’t yet made “The way I see it is that I’m here fighting for Oliver, myself and our child” Her hand instinctively covered her rounded stomach “I needed you to know that you have a reason, a _real_ _reason_ to fight too. So I told Malcolm all of the delightful ways that I would make his life a living hell if he didn’t find me an answer about Sara... and he gave me this. Your father is keeping her somewhere outside of Nanda Parbat, but Malcolm can take you there, once this is all over.”

A hint of a smile crossed Nyssa’s face “It seems that I’ve underestimated you.” She looked down at the note in her hands for a long moment before speaking again “You’ve given me something I hadn’t realized I lost.” Nyssa’s eyes flicked up for just a moment “Hope. This note tells me that Sara is alive somewhere and I’m going to find her. I’ll do whatever it takes to get her back and make sure she’s safe.”

“Good” Felicity replied “Fight. Remember why we’re doing this; remember what this is all about.”

“You have nothing to fear Felicity, you have my trust and my loyalty.”

“And you have mine” Felicity replied “I promise we are going to get Sara back and we’re going to stop Ra’s al Ghul.”

Nyssa tucked the note away before looking Felicity square in the eyes “Good.”

“Okay” Felicity began “We start tonight.”


End file.
